3 Tips To Maximize Your Personality By Dr. Karyn Gordon

The topic of personality is one that generally all audiences that I speak to (organizational, educational or parenting) get highly energized and excited about. I think there is something just generally fun about understanding how we are wired and are similar or different to those around us.

So let me ask you - what comes to mind when you think of an extrovert? A loud, over-the-top, outgoing person who dominates whatever group they’re part of? And what about an introvert? Someone who prefers to be alone, quiet, unassuming to the point of meekness? The truth is, we are all a combination of both – and knowing our preferences can help us greatly when it comes to understanding ourselves as well as those around us – both at work and home. 

Tip #1:      Extraversion | Introversion – Know Your Preference 

The difference between extroverts and introverts is their energy and how they respond to different situations.  Extraverts get their energy from others – introverts get their energy from within. For example, I’m an extrovert and being in groups with people almost always energizes me.  Back in my student days, I landed a part time job in an accountant’s office where the pay (at the time) was great - but I didn’t like it. Why? Because I was working in a small office, all alone, and it left me feeling completely drained and uninspired. So, I quit that job (after just one day) and became a front desk receptionist at a hotel.  I wasn’t paid as much, but being around all those people energized me! An introvert, on the other hand, would have loved the office job simply because it suited their energies and fulfilled their need for quiet.  

Another clue to your type is in your thought / speech process. Extroverts tend to process out-loud so they “speak-think-speak” while introverts tend to process internally so they “think-speak-think”.  A great example is former US President Barack Obama and his wife Michelle. I’ve never met them, however based on watching interviews I would guess Barack is an introvert and Michelle is an extravert (yes, opposites in this category usually marry each other). If you watch him in interviews, Barack carefully chooses his words and thinks before he speaks, showing introversion tendencies. Michelle, on the other hand, tends to be more outgoing and animated, and usually speaks much more quickly. Different styles for sure, but both of them eloquent in their own way and completely engaging.

Tip #2:      Understand There’s No Right Or Wrong

I often find that western cultures tend to idolize extraverts while eastern cultures tend to admire introverts. The truth is that there is no right or wrong, good or bad. They are simply different, and the most important thing is to understand who you are and maximize your personality.

Author Susan Cain has written extensively on the subject of extroverts and introverts in her insightful book ‘Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking’. This is a fascinating look at how we can all gain from understanding our personality differences. In fact, Cain states that the most effective teams are comprised of a healthy mix of both introverts and extraverts, which supports the idea that there’s no right or wrong. I fully agree – both are needed!

Tip #3:      Play To Your Strengths

Once you’re in tune with yourself and understand what exactly energizes you, you’ll have a much easier time playing to your strengths - including finding your ideal career.  So to help young people, college | university students and adults understand themselves better - I created a Live Online Course: Find Your Dream Career in 6 easy steps. For part of the course I interviewed 50 top industry leaders (as part of a podcast) to share their wisdom about their industry and personal career journey. One VP shared with me a great story that happened to him earlier in his career. He stated that as an introvert, he was becoming increasingly frustrated at work, watching his extroverted co-workers networking with ease and getting promoted. At first, he tried to be like them, but that didn’t work. It was at that point he realized he simply needed to play to his introverted strengths.  One day after work, he made a list of all the ‘key players’ in his bank to connect to. The next day, he started emailing them to invite them out for lunch & coffee. He knew his advantage was in building 1:1 relationships, not networking in large groups. His strategy worked brilliantly, and today he is one of the top senior leaders at his bank.

The takeaway is to know how you are wired, understand what energizes you and structure your life accordingly. If you are an extravert, make sure you are surrounding yourself at home and work with other people. If you are an introvert, plan to socialize with small groups or 1:1, and make sure to plan alone time.

As a spouse – it’s important to also try to make sure your partner is getting what they need so they too can be fully energized. I’m an extravert who is married to an introvert (which often happens). When my husband & I were newlyweds I would take it personally when he said he “needed space”. Thankfully, once I understood the power of personality, I understood that it had nothing to do with me – he simply just needed some time to himself so he could feel energized. So spouses, first play to your own strengths, but make sure you are also helping your partner in playing to theirs!  This little “secret” can literally energize couples!