3 tips to give that feedback you are dreading to give

You know that person on your team who you should give feedback to, but keep putting it off?

You dread that conversation as much as your next dentist appointment.

You just know how they are going to react.

What’s the point anyway?

They probably won’t listen and be all defensive, they may even become emotional, or worse, go full drama!!!

It’s not worth it. They won’t change anyway.

Or will they?

Could it be possible that they are not aware of the impact their behaviour is having? and that no one has ever told them?

I once had to give harsh feedback to a senior leader, let’s call him Max. He was on the brink of being fired because of his “difficult “attitude when I inherited him.

“Surely, he knows how everyone feels about his behaviour” his previous manager said.

Nope! And it turns out that no one had said anything to him either.

So, I had to.

I looked forward to this conversation as much as filling out my next tax declaration.

I chose a meeting room with soothing day light, thick walls and off the beaten path. Ready for all hell to break loose, floods of tears or a dramatic departure …

I delivered my feedback.

Max was first shocked, his mouth wide open his eyes staring at me in disbelief.

Then denial kicked in, surely the senior management did not think that?

And finally it dawned on him like the daylight on that winter afternoon . He stayed silent for a loooong minute, digesting it all and then turned to me and said:

- ?What do I need to do? Can you help me?

So many things went through my head. It worked!!

I was surprised, relieved, proud….and impressed by his resilience.

How did I do it?

I built trust

When Max became my direct report, his previous manager told me about his behaviour and “that I would probably have to fire him.” So why didn't you ? I asked. He smiled and chuckled.

Well, that was my call now. I wanted to see the issues with my own eyes and figure out if he was really a lost cause… ?

I spent time in the trenches with him. We discussed his professional challenges. I offered solutions and support. We did late nights together preparing important pitches or reviewing his strategies.

By the time we had the conversation, I had built enough trust for him to listen to me and believe that I had his back.

I prepared

Before going in, I prepared what I was going to say and wrote it down. I used the SBI model from the Centre of Creative Leadership and rehearsed the conversation in my mind. The time I had spent with him allowed me to give feedback on behaviours that I had observed directly, not only on the ones reported to me.

I set my intention

Before I give though feedback, I always make sure that my intention is clear: I am doing this to help this person progress and succeed. If I can’t get into that mindset, I am not the right person for that conversation.

Done right, feedback is a powerful tool to help someone change a bad behaviour and I have successfully used throughout my career.

Oh. And Max, you may ask?

We came up with a plan and a list of people he needed to mend bridges with. Met weekly to assess his progress and setbacks. He decided to model a culture of feedback in his department and with his colleagues.

6 months later he and his team were happier and more performant than ever, and brought in record-breaking sales. His department was thriving, and people no longer avoided him in the corridors, but actively sought him out to help them establish the same culture in their division.

There is so much more I could write about feedback. If you want more tips around that or tackling difficult conversations pm me, I’m happy to share my experience.

If you are a small business owner and, like Max, find yourself stuck and need to develop your leadership skills, let’s have a conversation and see how I can help you grow your business.