3 Things Working Women Are Not Thankful For

I’ve come to realize that gratitude serves a key role in promoting a positive outlook and while I’ve tried to incorporate this practice in my own life, I’ve also made a concerted effort to have my kids do this as well. To my frustration, my son will without fail, proceed to list the things he is thankful for immediately followed by the things he is NOT thankful for. They typically involve something going wrong with a game, not being allowed to do something he wanted to, or getting hurt. Obviously missing the point of the exercise, and making me exasperated, I am left wondering if this routine is pointless.

But recently, I’ve been wondering if I am the one missing the point. You see, it has become somewhat mainstream at this point to “manifest” what you want to be or have… the concept that gratitude begets positive outcomes. And while I am not discounting that perspective and I certainly am grateful for many wonderful things in my life, I also believe it’s healthy and appropriate to acknowledge those that aren’t quite where I’d like them to be. Unlike brushing over these negative feelings, and focusing only on what is going well, seeing the wholistic picture allows feeling great about certain areas while simultaneously recognizing where improvements are needed. So, with that said, here are few things that I am NOT thankful for.

1. Labels

This one is top of mind for me as I recently took a break from the traditional full-time work structure. In my case, I was quite clear that this break wasn’t going to be permanent, and yet I struggled to find a way to articulate what I was doing. People seemed very interested in understanding whether I was either A) working or B) not working. It’s interesting because I’d argue that moms are in fact, always working. What’s not working is that we don’t even have it in our vocabulary to convey in a simple way what mothers are up to, and I know I’m not the only one who struggles with this. I’ve witnessed many women tell a little story about how they were working for x number of years, and then y occurred, which made them spend time doing z, but really what they enjoy is something else entirely, and they’ll see what happens in a few years when their kids are school age. And as relatable as that is, it’s a bit wild that in 2023 we are still explaining ourselves as if the winding path we’ve taken is unique or needs to be justified in some way, when the reality is that it’s probably more common than we realize.

2.?Fixed Paths

While we’re at it, here’s another one I struggle with. Workplaces have made a huge effort in recent years to address (or pretend to address, depending on your view) the obstacles and challenges faced by their employees. This has led to the implementation of countless initiatives and programs such as Flexible Work Arrangements (FWA) or work from home policies. Certainly, I am not advocating for removing these from the menu of options, but I do wonder how flexible these arrangements really are. In other words – how many women on FWAs find themselves actually working reduced hours? How many end up working the same amount they always have or feeling massively guilty when they don’t? And is the reduction in their pay commensurate to the reduction in effort or focus - ?because I wonder if their commitment isn’t in actuality higher not lower. Which begs the question – are we compensating people for time they are “clocked in” or for the ingenuity, innovation, and dare I say quality of their work? As the old adage suggests, sometimes you really do get what you pay for.

3. Misdirected Focus

Lastly, I’m growing tired of the emphasis being placed on “fixing” women (i.e. we need better time management skills, executive presence coaching, etc.) versus focusing on changing up the ecosystem we are a part of. In other words, providing us with training without changing the environment we are operating in results in checking the box for making an effort, but doesn’t provide women with new pathways to leadership roles. Imagine a child struggling to ride their bike because the terrain is too rough – you can keep giving them a rudimentary lesson in operating their bike, but don’t expect them to have success until you place them on ground that’s meant to be ridden.

So where does that leave us? Here’s a thought to get us started - what if a flexible work arrangement were actually flexible on a week-to-week basis… not a straight up reduction of 20% applied equally to every week throughout the year? (I would argue that is in actuality less flexible than the “regular” full time employee experience). ?

As I said at the start, we can feel gratitude for what we have while ALSO acknowledging where we need to improve. Some might find this depressing, but I think it is motivating. I believe this line of thinking is where innovation and creativity are born… and that’s something to be thankful for.

Christine Robinson is a wife, mother of three wild boys and stepmom to three awesome kids. (Yes, six in total!)

As a Latina, working mother, and community activist, Christine is passionate about empowering women and underrepresented groups in the workplace.?She's spent her professional career managing supply and demand and most recently serving as the Head of Resource Management for one of the world’s largest CPA Advisory firms.?

Christine enjoys speaking with diverse audiences and has been featured in the New York Times, on podcasts, LinkedInLive events, and on college campuses. She has an MS in Human Resource Management from Fordham University, a BS in Sociology from Bowling Green University, and is a certified Resource Management Professional.

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