3 Things Mentally Strong People Avoid

When Amy was 23, she was with her mother at a basketball game, laughing and enjoying life, but 24 hours later, her mother suddenly died from a brain aneurysm. Three years after her mother's death, her husband suddenly died of a heart attack. Amy was in a dark place, but she was a trained psychotherapist. So to stop herself from falling into a deep dark depression and get back on her feet, she reminded herself of the three things that mentally strong people don't do. These things can prevent anyone from making progress in their life after a tragedy or setback.

1. Don't Focus on Things You Can't Control

Mentally strong people don't focus on things they can't control. Suppose a mentally strong person loses his job in an economic downturn. In that case, he doesn't dwell on it because he can't control the economy and can't wholly influence his boss's decision to let go of him and keep some of his coworkers. Instead, he focuses on what he still has, health, family, and skills, he can choose to see the event as an opportunity to spend more time building his business, a dream he had for years. But occasionally, life hits us so hard. It's challenging to be grateful or optimistic because of the overwhelming fear of what we can't control. It was the case for heather von st. James.?

Heather Von St. James is an American cancer survivor, cancer research advocate, and blogger. She was diagnosed with cancer when her daughter was just three months old. She went through surgeries, radiation, and chemotherapy for a year, but after 12 months, she was cancer-free. However, she feared cancer would return, and her daughter would grow up without a mother. Heather was terrified because she knew she couldn't completely control her situation and prevent cancer from returning. She took out a marker and wrote down her fears on a plate to focus on what she could control and let go of what she couldn't. Then Heather went outside, started a fire, and smashed that plate into the fire. This act helped her let go of what she couldn't control to live each day to the fullest. Today, Heather hosts an annual cancer research fundraiser in which many of her friends and family members write their fear plates and throw them into a giant fire.

When you feel like your life is out of control, take out a piece of paper and draw a horizontal line through the middle. In the top section, write what I can't control and what I can control in the bottom area. When populating a sheet with things you can and can't hold about a situation, remember you can't control what's happened. You can't fully control your thoughts and your emotions. You can't wholly control other people, and you can't entirely control the future. In other words, you can't control what happens to you, but you can control how you respond.

More specifically, you can control what you focus.

Rip off the top section after populating your sheet with things you can and can't control. An area of things you can't control, and then continue tearing that top section into tiny little pieces. Go outside, light that top section on fire, and watch your fears burn away as you let go of what you can't control.?

2. The world doesn't Owe You

Mentally strong people don't feel the world owes them anything. If a man loses his business and thinks I've worked so hard, I don't deserve this. I'm a good person, and this isn't fair. He's just inviting frustration and anger into his life. As children, when we worked hard and did the right thing, our parents and teachers made sure we got what we deserved. If something felt unfair, like our sister or brother receiving an extra Christmas gift, our parents quickly corrected the injustice. But as adults, we unconsciously believe that higher power should make life fair. If we work hard and are good people, it's not fair to encounter setbacks. Bad things shouldn't happen to us, but that's not how the world works. As Amy says, no matter whether you're the most intelligent person on the planet or you persevere through life's most challenging circumstances, you don't become more deserving of good fortune than anyone else.?

Mentally strong people constantly remind themselves of this fact. When they complain about how unfair the world is, they remind themselves of people who have more challenging lives and have received or are receiving less. When mentally strong people compare themselves to people living more complicated lives, they stop focusing on what they owe instead of what they can offer to other people. It might be helping a struggling coworker, making a meal for a sick friend, or simply listening to a family member who had a hard day. When we are busy doing good deeds for other people, we forget that the world owes us anything. So the next time you start thinking about what you deserve, focus on how you can serve.

3. Don't repeat the same mistakes

The third big thing mentally strong people don't do they don't make the same mistake over and over. Amy says they pause to figure out why they fell off in the first place before getting back on. We don't want to be like the alcoholic who routinely turns back to his old ways to escape. We want to face our mistakes, our bad habits and take a deep hard look at them to see how we can stop making the same mistake in the future. But unfortunately, we don't have many role models for this. Many celebrities, politicians, and athletes do the opposite they lie and blame others for their mistakes because they fear looking weak but owning up to mistakes and correcting them is a sign of strength. It's what mentally strong people force themselves to do. When we own and study our mistakes, we become stronger, more resilient, and stop ourselves from sliding back into our old ways to experience less resistance to owning and learning from our mistakes. Imagine you're helping someone else to fix their mistake. See yourself in the third person and identify the factors that led to your last mistake.

The thoughts, the behaviors, and any external factors then, like a clinical psychologist, give instructions by running down an alternative action. They can take the next time those thoughts, behaviors, and external factors show up now, creating ample motivation for yourself to correct the mistake in the future. By running down a list of reasons, you don't want to continue making a mistake and say carry this list with you. When you resort to your previous behavior pattern, read this list to yourself. It can increase your motivation to resist repeating old patterns; for example, create a list of reasons you should go for a walk after dinner when tempted to watch TV instead of exercise.

Read the list, and it may increase your motivation to move forward. So if you want to avoid the 13 things that mentally strong people don't do, start by focusing on what you can offer other people instead of what the world owes you. If you do that, you won't waste time feeling sorry for yourself, and since you'll be actively helping people succeed, you'll stop presenting their success. If you stop wasting energy on what you can't control and instead focus on what you can, you'll automatically stop dwelling on the past. And you'll be less concerned about what other people say about you and less worried about pleasing other people. Because you know you can't fold to control what other people say or do. Suppose you commit to not making the same mistakes repeatedly by not being afraid of making mistakes and vow to improve constantly. You'll automatically stop shying away from change, stop fearing calculated risks, and stop expecting immediate results. Stop giving up after the first failure and stop stressing alone because alone time is a great time to reflect and improve. If you add those all up, you'll get the three things that mentally strong people don't do. If you can avoid these three destructive mental habits when a tragedy or a setback occurs, you'll find it much easier to get back on your feet and live your life.