3 Things Leaders Need to Stop Doing (Right Now)

As someone who frequently writes about - and presents on - leadership, I'm forever reading and studying the topic. Sometimes, however, the most valuable acquisition of knowledge is observation. And, I'm observing many leaders making major mistakes. We're not talking about mistakes that can be easily cleaned up, either. We're talking about exhibiting behaviors that will cause psychological damage to their employees for years to come. And, is resulting in their best people heading towards the door, too.

Self reflection is tough, especially for those in leadership positions. With a title and a team comes power, and sometimes it's easier for a leader to lean into that power than take responsibility for it. More often than not, leaders don't spend their free time professionally developing or taking a critical look at their actions. Instead, they view everyone else - and the system - as the problem instead of themselves. This egotistical view results in constant gaslighting, ill-toned emails, and employees spending the majority of the workday sharing communication from/interactions with their boss. This results in a direct impact on team morale, as well as a lack of confidence, self worth, and productivity. Yikes. How toxic.

As we move towards the end of the year, everyone is busier than ever - especially leaders. Leaders will, undoubtedly, be under more pressure, too (which will have a trickle down effect). With a leader's lack of time and energy, they may justify the inability to treat each team member with the respect, time, and energy they deserve. So, before even more great employees leave companies, let's discuss some major leadership problems. Here are three things leaders need to stop doing (right now).

Not Answering Emails: There is no excuse for leaders who don't read and respond to emails in a timely manner (72 hours - max - unless traveling, on vacation, or sick/family emergency). Sometimes, reading and responding to emails takes a little time during non-work hours. My rule of thumb is that if you can't handle your emails during the work week, then you may need to allocate some time after 5 p.m. or at some point on weekends. And, if you do this, I recommend a tactic I use often: Start the email off by telling the member of your team that you respect their time off and do not expect a response. But, that it was important you got back to them. Or, if you really don't want to respond in real-time, respond to the emails and set a timer to send at the start of the next work day (with a note that starts off with "sorry for the delay").

Not responding to your team's emails in a timely manner sends some strong (negative) messages. First, that you don't have time for them. Second, that their messages aren't important enough to respond to, and that your own to-do list takes priority. Third, if a leader doesn't regularly read and respond to emails, gaslighting is inevitable. A leader may miss out on important context, and feel blindsided by an issue later on. And, because they don't want to admit that it was because they weren't on top of their emails, may make it the employee's fault. Or, even worse, make the employee feel like they did something wrong, simply because the leader is mad they weren't on top of things.

Action Item: Leaders, allocate time to read and respond to your emails. And, not just the problem emails - all emails. A "good job!" if there's a job well done. A "congratulations!" if your employee did something awesome. A "let's discuss - find some time on my calendar" if something is complex and requires a conversation. Show your employees they are worth your time in response rates and thoughtfulness. And, leaders need to watch their word choice and tone in all communication. Stressed out leaders tend to send stressed out emails. Or, because of their own frustration about an issue, send accusatory or much-too-harsh emails to employees. Leaders need to set an example, so they need to take that extra beat before firing off correspondence.

Say Sorry: Two little words - "I'm sorry" - can mean so much. Yet, overwhelmingly, leaders have a tough time admitting fault. I get it. Intrinsically, taking responsibility can be viewed as a weakness. As the boss, it's tough to be wrong. It's also tough on the ego. It's so much easier to rewrite history and blame others. At the end of the day, however, saying sorry is one of the most powerful things a leader can say. It makes them human, vulnerable, and relatable. It shares the blame, too; helps the team realize that the relationship between a leader and employee is mutually beneficial. And, problems are solved more efficiently when people take ownership and move on. My personal favorite benefit of leadership accountability is that it results in team members coming to the boss more often about their own mistakes, and other issues on their mind. It yields that employees - overall - are less afraid to talk to their managers. This results in increased communication, fewer problems overall, and more authentic working relationships. What a win.

Action Item: Start saying "sorry". Leaders should say sorry to own their part in any issue (it almost always takes two). They need to say sorry when their employee feels something that impacts their productivity. They need to say sorry when they don't have enough information to help, or can't be as transparent as they'd like. They need to say sorry when they are having a bad day and - wrongly - take their frustration out on an employee. They need to say sorry when an email was missed, misconstrued, or misrepresented.

In short, leaders need to be more comfortable being human. As I say (almost daily), "I'm not perfect, but I try to be." Just own it. It's freeing. Promise.

Not Viewing Employees as People: Employees are complex individuals. Not just because they are in a specific environment at work, but because humans - by design - are complicated. They have lives outside of work, and those lives matter. They matter because who they are - and what they do - outside of work affects the work. So, if one decides to be a leader, they need to act like one by taking all of this into consideration. Step one is putting the people they lead first.

Leading people is a special skill, and not everyone has it or can develop it. One truly has to commit to their to-do list coming second to what their employees need. It means always making time to listen and learn from those who do the work. Additionally, it means caring about members of a team in a way that stimulates regular conversation, inquiry, and psychological safety. Finally, it means celebrating what they do outside of work, including awareness of major life milestones, achievements, and training/schooling that can lead to special projects, promotions, or raises.

If a leader looks at the list above and immediately recoils, leadership isn't the right career choice. These people are better served in managerial roles where they can concern themselves with only themselves. In fact, I can bet money that if these people are currently leading, their team is miserable. So miserable, in fact, that they fear emails from their leader (because they are never good), have no growth path within the organization (and are depressed and dejected), and feel unseen and unheard on most days (because whatever doesn't directly impact the leader doesn't matter).

Action Item: Personally, I lead a large team. I don't claim to always get it right, but I garner enough praise to know that I'm effective. Here are some ideas that work:

I have an open-calendar policy. This means I will drop anything on my calendar for anyone on my team, at any point. If they need to talk, that's priority. If they have a problem, that's priority. Anything that impacts them to get the job done is my priority, period.

Also, I'm mindful of birthdays, life events, anniversaries, etc. I open every meeting by asking how they are - as people - first, and gather information about kids, spouses, sicknesses, job updates, etc. Finally, mistakes are opportunities to share and discuss, as well as optimize for the future.

If someone makes a mistake, or is having a bad teaching experience, I ask more questions than give answers, so I can truly understand the root cause issue before providing recommendations. I do this with students, too, who complain about teachers or elevate issues. Usually, the initial problem is never the real one, and it's important to dig until you can't ask "why" anymore. This ensures no data is left out, and no one jumps to conclusions. It also assures everyone feels heard and valued, too.

Conclusion: More, now than ever, leaders need to reflect on how their behavior impacts their employees. And, this reflection isn't easy. It takes honest conversations about how the leader is perceived by those they lead. It takes a plan to do better, and sharing that plan with the team (taking classes, reading books, going to conferences, talking to mentors, etc.). It takes managing each person on the team differently, based on their personality, needs, and career trajectory. It takes warmth, love, and empathy. In short, it takes practice and a commitment to grow. And, a desire to do things differently than they've been done before.