3 Things I’m Letting Go of to Create More Happiness in My Life

Here are the 3 things I’m letting go of so I can make time and space for the things that really light me up in life rather than getting bogged down by things that don’t serve me or make me happy.

1)?Friendships/relationships that have run their course

When I was a kid, I was enamored with the concept of BFFs (best friends for life). I met my first best friend, Sophia, when I was in 4th grade.?When 5th grade rolled around and we found out we got into different middle schools, I was convinced that we would somehow make it work and that we would be BFFs.

Life doesn’t work this way. Sure, in the beginning, Sophia and I talked on the phone. However, as time went on, our correspondence dwindled and by the end of 6th grade, I had found myself a new best friend.

Not all relationships are meant to last forever.?This includes friendships.?People outgrow each other. People change. Their values change. Can we normalize the ending of friendships? It doesn’t necessarily mean that one party wronged the other. Sometimes people are just meant to go their separate ways.?Rather than trying to salvage friendships that no longer make me happy, I am investing time into the ones that do.

2)?Resentment towards people who have hurt me in the past

“Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”?— Buddha

I’ve come to realize that when I hold onto grudges against people who have wronged me in the past, the only person who is hurt is… me. My perpetrator has long moved on whilst the incident continues to take up precious real estate in my mind, which is a finite entity that can only hold so much. The more I invest resources into holding onto my past, the smaller my capacity is to live in the present, the only thing which I have control over.

The reality is that if someone knew better, they would’ve done better.?One’s inability to have done right by you isn’t a reflection of you.?Instead, it’s a reflection of what they were lacking, which, more likely than not, was caused by their own pain and trauma.

Forgiveness isn’t about the other person. Forgiveness is for you, so that you can move forward with your life.?You don’t need the individual who has wronged you to apologize in order for you to forgive. It can be too much to expect that the person who has wronged us will suddenly do right by us. Forgive the other person so that you don’t continue living in the past. Forgive so that you can move forward with your life.

3)?People-pleasing tendencies and saying yes when what I really want to do is say no

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve put other people’s needs above my own because of the following beliefs:

“If I‘m not there for X, this means I’m not a good friend.”

“If I don’t support X, this means that I’m selfish.”

In the past, I’ve put my plans to the side or I’ve drained my emotional reserve in order to be there to support the people in my life, only to feel resentful afterwards. How does feeling resentful towards a loved one support me, them or our relationship? It doesn’t.

It is in understanding my co-dependent behaviors that I’ve come to realize that I am not responsible for others or their experiences.?It is okay for me to say “no” to a loved one in order to say yes to myself.?The people who truly love and care about you will understand this.

What's the common thread between the 3 things I’m letting go of? By not letting these things go, they suck so much of my mental and emotional energy, which then makes me feel physically tired, which then makes it difficult to direct my time and resources to pursuing the things that bring me joy. May you feel inspired to let go of things that no longer serve you so that you can say yes to the things that truly make you happy.