3 Things I Wish I Knew About Leadership When I Became a First-Time Manager

When I first stepped into the role of a manager, I had no idea the incredible journey that lay ahead.

Looking back, there are three key lessons I wish I'd known from the start because it’s only over the years that I learned these power skills which transformed my leadership style and shaped the success of the teams I led.

Empathy is a Superpower

The ability to understand and relate to people on a human level is a superpower. It builds trust, fosters collaboration, and invites people to contribute more out of their own free will.

At one point in my career I had a very large team spread across different Indian cities. I would travel once a month to meet them. But I realised soon enough that meeting them formally once a month wasn’t going to cut it.?We felt disconnected at other times and I had to break ice on almost all virtual calls and emails. It was strenuous to put it mildly.

So I branded my catch up meetings with my team members as “Coffee with T”.? (Everybody used to call me T instead of Tanya those days, so why not?)

The initiative was supposed to be a spin off from ‘Koffee with Karan’. A fun chat show hosted by a leading Indian movie director called Karan Johar. It was all the rage back in the day.?

So, I met each member of my team once a month in an informal setting over coffee and just chatted about this, that and the other.?I got to know them far better over a cup of coffee in the pantry or the break-out area inside the office, and sometimes even at the friendly neighbourhood coffee shop than I would ever have in a meeting room.?

Knowing them and what they valued most helped me lead them with empathy. And that was a real game-changer for my team and me. It had a huge impact on how we worked with each other thereafter. There was a deeper understanding and care in our interactions.

Feedback is a Gift

Constructive feedback can be a catalyst for growth, both personally and professionally. Encouraging a feedback-rich environment where everyone feels valued and heard is the cornerstone of improvement.?

And that also applies to feedback that’s sought bottom up.

This is how I would ask for specific feedback…?

• What should I keep doing because it’s helping you?
• What should I stop doing because it’s holding you back
• What? should I start doing to help you do even better?

I realised that just having the courage to seek feedback from my team on how they saw my leadership style made them open up and help me see my own blind spots. We all did far better together this way because there was?trust in the relationship.?

Storytelling is a compass

Stories have the power to change hearts and minds. They not only engage but also help redirect behaviours, accelerating the reciever's journey towards their goal in a meaningful way.

Imagine sharing feedback with a team member who is temperamental and finds it hard to get along with others. There are corridor talks and over coffee conversations that find their way to you about his/ her shortness with others.

What do you do??

You could share a story to redirect his/ her behaviour while dealing with people.

Here’s a zen story that comes to mind…?

"Once there was a villager who had a problem with everyone in his neighbourhood. He didn’t have the patience to deal with others and their quirks. When he heard about a wise old man who lived atop a hill, he decided to pay him a visit and seek counsel.?

The villager walked for hours to get to the wise old man’s hut, full of anticipation.?He knocked on the door, waiting for it to be opened.?

After a minute or so, the door was opened by a man who was wearing very ordinary clothes, no house slippers, and was bending over as if he had severe back issues.?

The villager asked, "where’s the wise old man? I have to come to meet him."?

The man inside the hut ?? led the villager into the hut, but kept walking without stopping to invite him to sit. The villager peeked keenly to catch a sight of the wise old man, but couldn't see him anywhere.

Soon they were both out the back door!

The villager was very angry. He spoke harshly to the bent over man, “I walked for hours to see the wise old man and wanted his advice to solve my problem. How can you be so rude and show me out the back door without introducing me to him."

"Where is he?” The villager demanded.

The old man finally spoke gently, “You are looking at him, but you are too arrogant to see. You judged me too quickly based on my clothes and my body. The day you see everyone as wise and give them the benefit of doubt, most of your problems will be resolved.”?

The villager was enlightened and went back richer than he had arrived.”?

When fault finding in others is so easy, people rarely look at themselves and how they might contribute to a situation and its outcome.

A story of this kind can help the listener reflect on their own behaviours and nudge them to change the lens through which they look at the world and those around them.?

Leadership is not just a title; it's an ongoing journey of growth and discovery.? By cultivating these power skills, leaders not only lead but inspire and empower those around them.

Nelson Mandela had said it quite profoundly, so I'll lean on his quote to wrap this up - "Leadership is learning to become comfortable with discomfort, embracing the unknown, and constantly seeking new ways to better serve those you lead."

So, I wish you a large heart filled with empathy, big ears that listen to what's being said and things that are left unsaid. I also wish you the power of choosing the right story and then telling it to the right person at the right time.