3 Things I Need You to Understand About Mental Health and Drug Addiction, Now More Than Ever

About two years ago, I came home and found my friend’s daughter dead from a heroin overdose in my guest bathroom. The bottom fell out of my world in that moment. I felt like someone had reached inside my chest and ripped my heart out. She was only 26. I loved her like my own daughter, and she called me Mom. My pain was so paralyzing that I couldn’t bring myself to cry. Instead I spent countless days staring at the last text message she sent me hours before I found her. I was unable to delete it because I needed to keep a piece of her with me.

Her father, a well-respected surgeon, had thought her living with me and my family would provide the structure, love, and stability she craved so desperately after her mother passed away. He had tried everything he could think of to help her, including multiple stays in residential addiction treatment facilities. He was emotionally and physically exhausted. I stepped in to save the day, confident my love could heal her.

But soon, I became frustrated as well. I was frustrated with waiting up late at night, worried that she wouldn’t make it home from a drug binge. I was frustrated that I couldn’t sleep because I was imagining what might happen to her, as she slept behind the dumpster at 7-11 with her boyfriend, who I hated with every ounce of my being. I was frustrated that no matter how much I told her I loved her, spent hours talking to her about how great her life had the potential to be, and encouraged her that there was so much more that her beautiful spirit had to offer the world, she always seemed to choose the drugs over my love and everything else I told her to reach out and grab.

I finally delivered her an ultimatum, and she promised she would stop.

But as paramedics and police descended on my townhome, responding to my frantic 911- call, I realized that those promises, as well-intentioned and convincing as they had appeared at the time, hadn’t been kept. And all I could feel was a numbing and overwhelming sense of how much I had failed her.

In the year that followed, I sought closure and ended up working part-time in the evening at a local addiction treatment facility. I desperately needed to find some kind of meaning and redemption from my pain. I hadn’t been able to save her but vowed that I would do everything in my power to prevent another family from experiencing this incredible hurt.

In that year I spent talking to dozens of addicts and their family members, I learned so much about substance abuse and discovered the path to healing and forgiving myself. I gratefully received the hugs and reassurances from my co-workers that I had done all I could do by pouring everything into her that I had. I burst with joy at the success stories of recovering addicts, who had walked through the fire with my help and made it out better on the other side.

And from all that I experienced and learned, there are three things I need you to understand about drug addiction and mental health:

1.      Addiction is a chronic disease that typically co-occurs with other mental health disorders. It requires a medical intervention led by addiction treatment specialists. So many times, I would speak to addicts and their families who had been led to believe that using drugs as a coping mechanism was a personal or moral failing. Many addicts were so mentally exhausted from being blamed by their family and friends for their reliance on drugs. And I have to admit I had previously held the same beliefs. I thought if someone wanted it bad enough, they could just stop. I learned that nothing could be further from the truth and that for many addicts this is a lifelong struggle that requires ongoing care, sometimes indefinitely. And even after going through structured treatment and counseling, many recovering addicts rely on a support system of other recovering addicts through programs like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) to maintain their sobriety on a long-term basis.

2.      Addiction and mental health are some of the most underserved areas in healthcare and both need more resources for those who can’t afford the help or have limited insurance coverage. I listened to so many heartbreaking stories of those who needed treatment but couldn’t afford it. I spoke to veterans, suffering from PTSD and resulting drug addiction, who had limited coverage through their VA benefits or had to endure extremely long wait times or overcrowded government facilities that made seeking treatment virtually impossible. I talked to families that had private insurance with limited coverage for addiction and mental health, who had no idea how to help their loved ones get help without going bankrupt. I spoke to people who had state-funded Medicaid or Medicare insurance that didn’t cover addiction or mental health services or had been referred to state or county facilities with no beds or limited resources.

3.      More national attention needs to be focused on the drug addiction and mental health crisis we are facing in this country, with more programs to educate the general public about the reality of these afflictions. We need to lessen the stigma and criminalization of suffering with mental health and addiction disorders, so those who are struggling feel safe and comfortable enough to reach out for treatment. So many are shunned by family, friends, and society and I can’t count how many times people who were suffering shared their guilt and shame about this disease, blaming themselves for their affliction. So many told me that they had excellent insurance but were afraid to take FMLA leave from work to go into treatment because they knew the rumor mill would start churning and they would be in danger of losing their job. So many explained that if they had more support and understanding from their loved ones, they might have the strength to fight harder to conquer their battle with substance abuse.

There's hardly a day that goes by that I don’t think about my loved one and her struggle. But I’m glad I finally have the courage to lift my voice to make sure that her story and the story of others suffering from addiction is told. Drug addiction isn’t a moral failing. It’s a chronic mental health disorder. We need more resources available to those who need help but can’t afford it. We need to lessen the stigma and criminalization of drug addiction and mental health disorders, so those who need help can receive it.

She was an amazing spirit. I loved her. I couldn’t save her. But if I can help bring awareness and understanding to the disease she struggled with, then I will have done my part.