3 Surprising Lessons I Learned from Delivering 400+ hours of EFT Therapy

I've been reflecting on the 400+ hours of EFT Therapy sessions I've done with clients who wanted to work on reducing their stress and/or anxiety levels during a very stressful time in their life. Let me share with you the 3 surprising lessons I've learned from my experience.

1.TEACHING HAS MORE IN COMMON WITH THERAPY THAN YOU'D THINK

What I didn't know before I became an EFT therapist is that there are quite a few principles and practices for good continued professional development as a teacher overlap with those for for good professional development as a therapist.

Just as no classroom teacher can develop and growth their skills and expertise without guidance, the same is true for therapists who are open to committed to continually developing their skills and expertise.

As therapists, we are required to have a supportive supervisor who we meet on a regular basis to talk about how best to support our clients who are experiencing complex personal challenges. Similarly, as classroom teachers, we need to have a supportive line manager who we can turn to on a regular basis to talk about how best to support our students and classes who are experiencing complex social, emotional, or behavioral challenges.

Both in the classroom and in the therapy room, whether these be virtual or physical spaces, our students can be our biggest teachers. If we want to keep growing and thriving as therapists, we need to be open to learning from our clients. The same is true in education; being the kind of teacher who is open to learning from our students is essential for our continued professional development.

2. ONLINE THERAPY CAN EMPOWER CLIENTS IN SURPRISING WAYS

Perhaps the most surprising discovery was learning how empowering doing EFT therapy without the video on can be for clients of all ages. This was a discovery that has happened by chance! When I reflect on a number of cases where either my or my clients' internet connection was choppy, and we decided to shift to audio only, I notice a clear patterns; the progress we were able to make with audio only was strikingly greater, in many cases!

In one case, for example, I was working with a parent who had developed a habit of problem-solving purely from the head up when overwhelmed and stressed. He was disconnected from his body's intelligence, in a general state of dissociation. This is a normal coping mechanism for when our body is stuck in traumatic levels of stress, or carrying old traumatic stress memories that haven't yet been processed.

In one of our sessions, we agreed to turn the video on Zoom off, to see if that would help with the unstable internet connection that happened to occur. That's when we discovered how much easier it was for him to be aware of what signs of stress his body was communicating, when he thought of an upcoming event that he wanted to work on. Whereas in previous Zoom therapy sessions with the video on, his stress response would go down incrementally, when we turned the video off his ability for introspection increased...and we were able to bring the body's signs of stress down to a 0 for that upcoming event, in only one session!

In another example, I was working with a Primary School student who was preparing for her Cambridge exams in Science, Math and English. These exams are used in many British schools to decide what classes to group kids in these subjects, when they start secondary school. Since kids who are ready to do EFT therapy for stress or anxiety have less resistance than adults - they're more 'clean slates' than adults are - it's common for big emotions to be processed and go down to a 0 within a single session, whether with or without video.

However, what I learned from working with this child is how students can empower themselves in creative ways to help themselves face uncomfortable emotions they have been conditioned to believe are shameful to experience. For example, this creative kid used the Zoom emojis/avatars, combined with the comment box feature on Zoom, as a way into talking about emotions that she felt ashamed of admitting to feeling. That's when I realized how Zoom therapy opens the door for student-led element of play to be brought into an EFT session...which wouldn't have been possible, if were doing the session in a physical space! As a result, we were able to access and work with the deeper, more challenging emotions more efficiently and effectively for her level of development and needs.

3. SOMETIMES IT'S THE PARENT WHO ISN'T READY FOR THE CHILD TO FEEL BETTER

Perhaps this one was the most surprising of all; I knew, of course, that if the child wasn't ready to start, or continue therapy when a challenging emotion or sensation came up for them, it wasn't going to work. And that's totally okay. We always go at the child's pace.

Just as in the classroom, learning isn't linear - students can have big breakthroughs in a matter of weeks, after spending 1 or 2 years stuck at the same level of skills or academic development in a certain area, like writing essays about poems, for example. Similarly, kids can have breakthroughs in therapy in a matter of weeks, after being stuck at a certain level of skill in their self-regulation and or emotional/body awareness for a particular personal issue.

What I wasn't aware of is that sometimes, the child is ready to overcome their stress blocks, and it's the parent who isn't ready. I first learned about this phenomenon from an excellent webinar with Dr Amy Gaesser on how to use EFT safely when working with children and trauma. For example, you see this in the cases where a parent pulls their child out of therapy as soon as their child starts to make quicker progress than ever before. This fear-based sabotage behavior usually happens on the subconscious level; the parent isn't necessarily aware that they are sabotaging their child's progress. It's quite rare, I've only ever seen this happen once in my private practice so far, but it does happen.

TO SUMMARIZE

Good practice in therapy and education have more in common than I was aware of! Letting go of the 'I must know everything' old-school authoritarian teacher mentality so as to be humble enough to be open to learning from our students is a sign of good practice in education. Similarly, when you see this humble attitude from one of the world's leading psychiatrists, Dr Bessel Van Der Kolke in his ground-breaking book, The Body Keeps the Score...you realize there is far more than connects the world of good education and good therapy than one may think.

What I've learned in my efforts to learn from my clients during EFT Therapy sessions is that breakthroughs can happen in beautiful and unexpected ways when we are embrace challenging circumstances, like the need for online therapy during a pandemic. Bringing curiosity, and a flexible playful approach to stressful situations is empowering for clients.

And while sometimes the stress of change - even if it is positive change, like seeing your child no longer needing to depend on you during emotional crises - isn't something a parent is ready for. And while I learned about this phenomenon occurring after it had happened once in my practice, I'm curious to see how I can better support a parent a subconscious fear kick in, in future. So they can have the self-regulation and self-soothing tools they need to help themselves bring awareness and compassion to this unconscious, fear-based behavior if they are ready to face their fears.

REFERENCES

Dr Amy Gaesser (2022) "Considerations for Working Safely with Children and Trauma", virtual webinar training.

Dr Bessel Van Der Kolk (2015)?The Body Keeps The Score: Mind, Brain and Body in the Transformation of Trauma.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

You can learn more about Eleni and her offerings on her website: www.elenivardaki.com