3 Super-Powers of Psychologists (and other good people)

The unprecedented events of this year moved me in many ways. Needless to say, just like everyone else, my life took a 180 degree turn too. Mental health not only became a personal issue, but I realised that many of my friends and family members are actively grappling with it. It motivated me to lend an ear and be a reliable source of support and advice. I enrolled myself in IGNOU to pursue Master in Psychology and also learnt about Psychological First Aid.

Over this weekend, one of my long lost friends got in touch with me. He learnt that I am studying Psychology and thought may-be he could open up with me. What started as a casual catching up, lead to a 2 hour long conversation. He poured his heart out, shared everything he was struggling with and I tried to console him in ways that I know best right now. I am extremely aware that I am not qualified to counsel him yet, but sometimes all one needs is to be listened to without judgement. That I could do.

After having spoken with him for that long, it dawned on me - if I go on to become a Psychologist, a counselling Psychologist for that matter, this is what my day would look like. I realised 3 very important things that day that are not in my course material, neither on internet. 3 Super Powers that I need to harness, if this is what I intended to do.

1. Super Listening: Need I say more? Active and empathetic listening can make the one sharing their troubles feel better instantly. Half the job is done there. All my friend wanted was to be listened to with compassion and understanding. He did not want to hear any advice or judgements. He was not in a state of mind for being offered any solutions. And even though I suggested a few things to him (because I loooooooooooove telling people what to do), I realised the next morning, it was futile. All he needed was to be heard.
2. Objectivity: We all have biases, inhibitions and opinions; and as I have very recently learnt - we form them almost instantly with apparent bits and pieces of information. However, when you are listening to someone, trying to help them - you have to keep all of that aside. That is a huge undertaking. Yes. Keeping your emotions aside is emotionally laborious. Because you might feel angry, want to say things, offer solutions, even make a not so pleasant remark (because what the other person said may not be in terms with your values and principles). But you have to keep all of that baggage aside and bring as much objectivity and neutrality to the table, while being compassionate. Remember - it is not about you, it is about the other person.
3. Self-Care: At the end of the day, actively listening to people talk about their anxiety, depression, insomnia et al does take a toll on oneself. I found myself emotionally drained after our conversation. I started doing research, watching videos, sending him WhatsApp messages. But that affected my usual course of day, it took away from ME TIME. I had to sit the next day and detach myself. Take a step back and realise that those were not my problems and not happening in my life. I am merely a facilitator to re-establish a sense of equilibrium in someone else's life. When the number of people I am helping add up - it will become all the more important to preserve my mental and physical state of balance. One cannot pour from an empty pot. I can only be of service, if I am completely functional.

I sincerely hope, that after reading this little message, you might be nudged to harness your own Super Powers. You need not be a counsellor, or a psychiatrist or a psychologist or a coach... sometimes people don't need all of that. Sometimes all they need is to be listened to - without judgement. And that, you can do.

P.S. I have used the picture of Ironman on this article because he is my favourite Super hero. Not only is he laced with the right amount of wit and sarcasm, his Super Powers are a by-product of his own intelligence, vision and resourcefulness. A real inspiration, isn't he? Looks cute too!