3 STEPS

One of the learning’s I derived from the coaching certification was to be able to express myself from my perspective, while I continue to respect the others views.

Cordial & Collaborative Relationships at both personal and professional level are a product of the depth of understanding between the individuals.

One such tool that enables respecting sacred space of two individuals and yet fully expresses oneself is the 3 step assertive message technique.

This is a method of expressing what person A feels about the person B’s approach / action / behavior and what that behavior/action is doing to person A. This kind of a dialogue is helpful when one values the relationship more than self stature and yet wants to send the right signals. The dialogue could be something like this:

I Think/Feel….. (Express the feelings/thoughts)

When…..(Express the behavior witnessed)

And / Because….(Express what that behavior is doing .. its impact)

Eg 1: I feel confused (feeling) when you ask me multiple questions in one breath (behavior displayed) and I get lost because I don’t know which question to answer in what order (impact)

Eg 2: I feel disrespect for the company policies (feeling) when I see you coming late at work (behavior displayed) and it sends wrong signals to the rest of the staff (impact of behavior).

Eg 3: I feel helpless (feeling) with this kind of a rate discount you are asking for (behavior) because this takes away my profitability and leaves nothing for me (impact)

The feeling, behavior and impact may vary from person to person based on situations and circumstances, yet is an effective mechanism to express self in a non-offensive manner. This kind of dialogue is non-confrontational & does not enter the personal space of the other person.