3 Steps to Developing High Self-Worth

Do you know your worth?

I don’t mean how much you should be paid—rather, do you know that you have inherent value?

Most leaders don’t. Consequently, a sense of low self-worth can lead to bad decisions, unhealthy behavior, and a toxic team or workplace culture.

For over two decades, my team and I have had the joy of working with leaders around the world in small to Fortune 500 companies, and we’ve discovered that an individual’s understanding of their self-worth is the number one thing that impacts their overall effectiveness as a leader.

But what exactly is self-worth?

Self-worth is how we feel about ourselves, regardless of our shortcomings.

Not to be confused with self-esteem, self-confidence, or even arrogance, self-worth is how much we like or genuinely love who we are, are friends with ourselves, and are comfortable in our own skin.

Individuals with high self-worth do not think they are perfect and have nothing to improve upon.

Instead, they feel an inherent, unchanging sense of value and worth that they derive from within. They are kind to themselves, have a natural joy, are straightforward, and they want to see everyone succeed.

They also don't take feedback as a personal attack because they are always looking for ways to grow and develop as an individual. In short, they are secure in who they are.

Conversely, individuals who struggle with low self-worth thinking constantly judge and even ridicule themselves. They think that their worth comes from external factors, such as how much money they make, how they compare to their friends or family, how big their house is, or what school they went to.

They can be negative, emotionally manipulative, overly dramatic, and feel threatened when someone on their team is more successful than they are. They hear feedback as a personal attack, rather than taking it as an opportunity to grow. They are not secure in who they are, and constantly feel threatened by others.

When a leader struggles with low self-worth, it can negatively impact the emotional well-being of their colleagues, stymie a sense of trust and engagement on their team, and create an overall workplace culture that operates based on fear.

Perhaps you’re struggling with low self-worth. Maybe you constantly berate yourself, always feel like you’re never good enough, and incessantly wonder what others think of you.

If this sounds like you, you’re not alone. Most leaders my team and I have worked with around the world are trapped in a low self-worth, fear-based mindset, never claiming their inherent value.

So, what can you do to develop your sense of self-worth so that you can lead yourself and others from a place of strength, confidence, and joy?

While I don’t have enough space here to share everything I talk about in my forthcoming book or teach at WorldBlu in our leadership courses about how to develop higher self-worth, to get started, I invite you to ask yourself this key question:

On a scale of 1-10 (with 10 being the highest), how would you rate your level of self-worth, and why?

Give yourself an actual number. If you gave yourself an eight or higher, you’re in the “high self-worth zone.” If you gave yourself anything less than an eight, there is an opportunity for growth. In fact, if you’re like many leaders we work with, you may have given yourself a six or seven thinking you’re “better than average” but “not quite at the top.”

The next question is why did you give yourself the score you did? This can be very revealing. Did you grade yourself lower because of something you did in your past, something nasty someone once said about you, some goal you haven’t hit yet, or some other external factor?

If yes, it’s important to remember to find your self-worth within. Your worth ultimately has nothing to do with anything in your past, what anyone has said about you if you’ve made a certain amount of money, hit your top goals, or anything external.

The truth is, each one of us is already a perfect “10” in worth – whether you know it or not!

Some of you will recoil at this idea, while others of you will embrace it wholeheartedly and even find relief in the idea that each one of us has inherent worth, even if we don’t know it yet.

This doesn’t mean we’re perfect, and it doesn't mean we’re arrogant; knowing your worth simply means that you recognize that you don’t have to earn your value because you already have it!

As an ad I once saw on the side of a city bus said for a credit card company, “You were born pre-approved.” Yes, you were born with inherent worth. It’s just sometimes we forget this fact.

What can we do to move the needle of our self-worth up a bit more?

Here’s how you can get started. First, claim your inherent ten-ness and start acting like it – today! And if you can’t claim the perfect 10 that you are, then start thinking of yourself as the next number up from what you gave yourself originally. Work your way up!

What does claiming the fact that you’re a 10 actually mean? 

Here are three things you can start doing right now to embrace the 10 that you really are:

Step 1: Talk to yourself like a 10.

What do you think the inner dialogue of an individual who knows they are a 10 is like? As someone who knows my worth, I can tell you I don’t speak poorly or negatively to myself. I encourage myself, I’m compassionate and loving, and I never beat myself up. The inner language of a leader with high self-worth is the sincere language of encouragement, self-reflection, and affirmation – not bullying or unloving.

Step 2: Behave like a 10.

Leaders who know they are a 10 aren’t arrogant narcissists (that’s just a mask for low-self-worth). They are confident, yet humble, and they listen to others. They work to remove obstacles that block their colleagues’ successes and are committed to creating workplace cultures built on freedom rather than fear, where everyone can shine. Their behavior is an inspiring model for others.

Step 3: Lead like a 10.

When you know you are a 10, you lead others in a straightforward, clear, and direct way that inspires full engagement and team cohesion. People know they can trust you, that you are principled and true to your word, and that you genuinely care about their well-being.

When you claim your worth and start talking, behaving, and leading like the 10 that you inherently are, those around you will take notice. New opportunities will open up to you, and surprisingly fun things can happen to you as well.

For example, recently I moved to a major city into a home I had not seen in person until the day I moved in. It was only after the craziness of the move was completed that I fully realized that I was now living on 10th street in my new city! How perfect for someone who spends her day affirming the “10” that each one of us inherently is!

When we claim our worth, we also see the worth in those around us, ultimately transforming our workplaces and our world.

So, I encourage you to mentally move in and join me here on 10th street – it's a street every one of us deserves to live on!