The 3-Step Workday Reset

Step 1: Down-shift your body

Step 2: Drain your brain

Step 3: Decide on an action

Step One // Down-shift your body

Most self-improvement advice says recognizing your thoughts and feelings is the first step to calming down. But you've probably found that this isn't true for you, at all.

In fact, if you're anything like me, you find that the more you focus on the worries, and judgements rushing through your mind, the more anxious and stressed out you become. For that reason, you need to approach conquering overwhelm differently. In your case, your first task isn’t gaining greater awareness of your emotions; it’s to bring your mental and physical state down from overdrive, back to baseline.

So, how exactly do you dial down the intensity of your stress reactions?

A simple way to stabilize your physical state when you feel emotionally overwhelmed is with a mindfulness skill called grounding. Grounding techniques help you de-escalate your emotional reactions and physically calm down your nervous system. As a result, grounding helps lower the volume on the negative chatter going on within your mind as well.

Getting back to a feeling calm and peaceful may be as easy as remembering to feel the earth below your feet, according to recent research. In a 2011 study, researchers found that coming in contact with the earth significantly reduce signs of stress. Literally grounding to the earth influenced study participants’ biophysiology, reducing heart rate and balancing their nervous system.

The researchers suggest going barefoot for 20 minutes a day to see the benefits, but since most people can’t walk around without shoes during the workday or sneak out of a meeting to find a patch of grass, one the next page you'll find a similar grounding exercise you can try whether you're at work or at home.

It's designed to engage all five senses and helps bring your attention back to the present moment. This exercise is one of my favorites (and very effective) because it moves you from being overly internally focused, and hooked by your emotions. Instead this grounding technique shifts your focus towards external cues, taking you out of your own head.

Find Relief in 5-4-3-2-1

Select FIVE things you see around you. Describe them in detail. Maybe it’s a white notepad or perhaps a spot on the ceiling.

Pick FOUR things you can touch or feel around you, such as your tongue in your mouth, your hands in your lap, or your computer keyboard.

Notice THREE things you hear. Listen for sounds going on around you. You might attune to the ringing of a phone or the hum of an air conditioner, for example.

Identify TWO things you can smell. If you can’t smell anything, name your two favorite scents.

Name ONE thing you can taste. It might be the lingering taste of coffee, gum, or a mint after

lunch.

Finally, take a deep breath and notice how your physical state has shifted. How has your body changed? Do your shoulders feel less tense, for instance? Notice any new shifts in your thoughts as well. Hopefully you're already beginning to feel more clear headed, calm, and ready to objectively explore the thoughts and feelings causing you distress.

Step Two // Drain your brain

Now that you've calmed down your physical state, it's time to tackle what's going on inside your head. You probably tend towards keeping these thoughts and feelings inside –– you keep your head down, try to focus on work, and don't want to be perceived as weak or too sensitive. But this approach frequently backfires. It can lead to distraction, resentment, and indecision. That’s why finding a proper release to help you cope with your naturally powerful and intense emotions is so critical.

In the long run, it can save time to express your distressing reactions upfront before they build up and block you from being productive, reaching your goals, and enjoying your success.

When you release distressing emotions, you free up space and energy for more fulfilling things. One healthy coping skill is emotional release writing. Free writing about overwhelming emotions is a remarkably effective means of creating clarity and regaining perspective. It helps you organize your swirling range of inner reactions and make sense of it all in a more productive way.

Resist the urge to insist that you “shouldn’t” be feeling or reacting a certain way. Let go of the struggle. Don’t tell yourself that you’re wrong, broken, or suck because you’re getting upset. Assure yourself that it’s okay and that all feelings are natural and will pass. Remind yourself that emotions are not orders–they are simply mental and physical reactions to something happening in your environment. More importantly, you have the power to choose your actions and how you respond.

Play the observer. Put separation between you and the emotion itself. For example, “I’m angry” becomes “I’m having the feeling that I’m angry” or “I notice that I’m having the emotion of anger”. This simple language tweak creates distance between you and your mind.

Release judgement. High achievers tend to be self-critical when they experience unpleasant emotions. Notice when you fall into the trap of judging your emotions as “helpful” or “unhelpful”, “positive” or “negative”, or “fair” and “unfair”. Practice accepting all your emotions for what they are–private experiences that give you important information.

Grab your notebook, pop open a fresh Word doc, or print this page to use as a worksheet. For 5 minutes, write about what you’re feeling overwhelmed about. Journal in response to the specific emotions you feel, like: I feel demoralized because... I feel jealous because…I feel panicky because…

Proper grammar and punctuation are not important. Don’t edit or censor yourself. Keep going until you feel the overwhelm subsiding and you feel like your writing is complete. If you're more of a verbal processor, you can instead speak in a stream of consciousness style into a audio app on your phone.

The goal of this practice isn't to solve your problems yet (we'll do that next), but to explore them– to stop them from bouncing around inside your head and distracting you.

Getting what's bothering you out of your heart and head and onto the paper may provide you nearly instant relief. It helps you let go of and drop unhelpful emotions, instead of attaching to them. You may find that unhelpful emotions lose power over you. If not, don't despair. You can also try getting perspective from a like minded group.

Step Three // Decide on an action

Once you’ve worked through your physical and mental reactions to your emotions, the final step is to address your behavior. One way to handle intense emotions is through the principle “opposite action”.

This psychology principle encourages us to accept and work with our emotions, rather than deny them. “Opposite action” is exactly what it sounds like. It involves redirecting intense emotions to healthier behavior by doing the opposite of what our emotion tells us to do.

Let’s take an example of getting negative feedback:

1. Identify the urge associated with the emotions you’re experiencing. Let’s say you tend to feel crushed when your boss gives you constructive feedback about how your presentation could be improved. What comes up for you as you recall times other times in your life when you typically experienced strong feelings of disappointment? What actions or urges did you find yourself experiencing? It’s likely that you felt the urge to run or hide. Maybe you locked yourself in your bedroom for hours to cry after getting a bad grade on a school report. As an adult, maybe you have the same urge to hide and retreat when you get negative feedback now.

2. Decide whether the urge fits the situation. Your urge to withdraw in the face of feeling disappoint could you lead you to avoid interacting with your boss. Maybe you contemplate ducking into a conference room the next time you see her coming down the hallway or think about working from home for a few days in order to recoup from the setback. Consider if either of those actions would really be in your best interest.

3. If the urge doesn’t fit the situation or move you closer to your goals, then take opposite action. Put simply, do the reverse of what you feel. I coach my clients to brainstorm 3 alternative actions. The first is typically a fear-driven response, but you'll find they become less extreme because you are re-engaging your prefrontal cortex (brain area responsible for self-control and high-level thinking).

The 3rd option is usually the most emotionally balanced – and will leave you with the highest sense of satisfaction and contentment. For example, maybe the first action you think of taking is buckling down to make the changes to your presentation. This is a good start, but diving head-first into work can be just another avoidance strategy. It does nothing to help you process the intense emotions you feel.

Let’s say as a second option you consider talking to a friend or seeking out a mentor. Again, it shows great effort, but can your friend or an outside party really help you solve the issue? It’s best to take action on your third option, speaking directly with your boss, so that you can get clarity on the feedback she gave you.

Not only will you get the direction you need, but you’ll also feel empowered and more confident as a result of working through your intense emotions in a productive way that’s aligned with your goals and values.

Decide on an action

Picking the best next action

When I feel ____ my urge or tendency is to....

Would acting on this urge or tendency be helpful right now?

Why or why not?

Three alternative actions I can take are...

1.

2.

3.

12

Overwhelm and Overthinking – averted.

That's it!

Now you have a simple, fast game plan to get back on track when the pressure of your career and your own high standards threaten to take you off course.

So don't forget....

The next time you feel like your workload and expectations are mounting like a shaky Jenga tower, go

back to the 3 steps to reset yourself:

1. Down-shift your body

2. Drain your brain

3. Decide on an action