3 Situations when NOT to give a second chance

Generally, I’m a big believer in improving ourselves, trying new things, taking the initiative, taking chances. This, of course, comes with mistakes and failures, from which we learn, and try again. Obviously, this wouldn’t work if we didn’t give ourselves, and others, the benefit of doubt and a second, third, or how many chances we consider appropriate.?

As long as people are trying to do the right thing and are trying to improve, I for one am willing to have a lot of patience.?

But, there are some situations when I do not give second chances, and I will tell you about the 3 main ones.

Deliberate dishonesty

I once had a team leader in my organization who lied, repeatedly and over long periods of time, to colleagues, managers, and members on his team. A collection of smaller and bigger lies, all to influence opinions in regard to a conflict he was having with someone else, to get people on his side.?

Once we found this out, I did not hesitate for a second. He had to go.?

I’m not saying he doesn’t deserve a second chance “in life”, but not here, not with the people he lied to.?

There is no amount of regret or apologizing that would make me get over this.?

It’s not even personal, it’s just unacceptable. It’s a culture wrecker, and forgiving someone like this, for any reason, will send all the wrong messages to the rest of the team.?

Being mean to those weaker than them

If you want to be “aggressive”, if you want to be “tough” and blunt, be so with your peers or, even better, your mangers. You want to be a tough guy? Go be a tough guy with the CEO. Give it straight to them. I can respect that.?

One thing I do not respect is people who are mean to those weaker than them, the juniors, those in less powerful positions, when they are not like that with those more powerful than them.?

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not ok to be an asshole in any situation, but when you’re an asshole only with those below you, that’s a special kind of “no”.

And I’m not talking about one bad day, one emotional reaction, one misspoken word, we can all make a mistake, I’m talking about a consistent pattern of behavior.?

And I’m also not talking about being direct and giving constructive feedback, that’s fine, if it comes from a place of wanting to help.?

I’m talking about simply being mean.?

Unlike the liars, sometimes you can reasonably assume these people just don’t realize what their behavior is, so you may want to give them a chance to change their ways, through feedback but, if they don’t, don’t think too much about it before you take action.?

It’s another major culture wrecker if you, from a position of leadership, don’t take timely action in these situations.?

BS when they’re trying to start a relationship

The beginning of a relationship is when people are at their best, most careful behavior. They will never be “nicer” than they are now.?

Any relationship: employment, client/supplier, partners, salespeople selling you something, anything.?

If people are BS-ing you at the beginning of the relationship, if they’re not giving you straight answers to straight questions, even if that answer is “I don’t know”, if you feel bamboozled, run away. Get out of it.?

Remember, this is the best behavior they will ever have. It will only get worse. If they’re BS-ing you this much now, they’ll BS you 10 times more in 6 months, when they’ll take you for granted.?

Get out. “No, thank you.”