3 Simple Steps To Address Conflict

Had a friend come to me last week, head in hands, needing a sounding board. 

He felt like the last few months, his manager kept interfering, trying to do his job, questioning decisions, taking choices away, really micro-managing. He was at the end of his tether and starting to talk about reaching out to the executive search agencies to look for a new role. He really needed someone to listen to him.

What I suggested, was the same advice I give myself, whenever I perceive conflict or confusion

1) Take a clear look from your own perspective, what is happening, how am I responding to it, how is it making me feel, how is it impacting what I do

2) Step into the other persons shoes – People very rarely do things for no reason, so look through their eyes, what do they know and see, what are their concerns and challenges, what are they trying to achieve

3) Finally, take an independent 3rd party look at the two of you, what would someone else see, in a cold, logical, dispassionate way – Like my friend, talk to someone else, listen to their thoughts on the challenges you feel

Together, what we figured out is that a few months back, there had been a crisis that my friend was involved in, he took some wrong turns but with support from his manager they figured it out. The manager had taken a lot of heat from his board, but protected my friend throughout and supported him. So why was he behaving differently now? Because he was trying to help, to support, and the reality was that in fact it was only in the week or so following the crisis that he really got heavily involved, it’s just that my friend had become extra sensitive knowing he’d made some errors, and had begun to see every piece of advice and guidance as a criticism and micro-management.

This week, he went back to work with a spring in his step – Set up a 1:1 with his manager to clear the air, recognize some of the recent challenges and how he was seeing things, but also recognize the support he’d received and his appreciation for it. It gave his manager a chance to offload as well, share some of the pressure he was under and express just how glad he was that my friend was there and doing a great job. A great outcome for both of them, and a true strengthening of their relationship.

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