3 Simple Questions Must Ask During Failure

Last weekend, my mind was disturbed with my son swimming skills test. I enrolled him in a swimming class for almost a year already, but he still stuck at the level 2. All his friend have advanced to level 3 or 4 already. We considered him as a slow learner especially in swimming, but he is doing well in other classes for instance art & craft and reading. Apparently, he has failed four times on the swimming skills test over the past four months. As a father I respected his resilient attitude, he did not show any sign of quit or give up the lesson. He still continue the practice with wholehearted and believe that one day he will pass the test and become a real swimmer that we feel proud of him. We as parents used to tell him that failure is okay. He just needs to believe in himself that things will improve; skills need times to develop. Most importantly is not the outcome but the process matters. We want to cultivate a robust growth mindset in his brain at the age of 8.

Nevertheless, as a father I would like to guide him out from the failure.

The conversation went like below,

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 Me: How’s your swimming test yesterday?

Son: I failed the test again.

Me: Oh. How do you feel about it?

Son: It is okay. Failure is okay, as long as I continue to practise. I will pass the test one day.

Me: How many times you have tried the test?

Son: Fourth time already.

Me: Did the teacher tell you which area you need to improve?

Son: Yes. Practically, certain movement I were not doing well.

Me: Do you ever think about why you always fail the test?

Son: Mm.... (silent for a while), I think because of too many mistakes I made during the test.

Me: Good, you know your failure is because of the mistakes you made.

Son: Yup.

Me: Then, do you think why you are always making the mistakes?

Son: Mm... (silent for a while), I am not sure. Maybe I am nervous or stress up during the test.

Me: Do you mean that the feeling of nervous & stress makes you continually make mistakes during the test.

Son: I guess so.

Me: So now you know the core reason for errors is coming from nervous & stress. What will you do about it next time?

Son: Mm... (silent for a while), I think I need to practise to relax and do not think the test as a test, should look at it just like regular training.

Me: Great. How will you do that?

Son: Mm...(silent for a while), the best is the teacher do not tell me it is a test. Then maybe I can perform better.

Me: Do you want me to tell the teacher to do so?

Son: No. I can handle it myself better. I can do it.

Me: Son! Failure is okay only when you started to examine what are those reasons that make you regularly fail. Make yourself aware of it and think it over and come out a plan to overcome it. Most of the time is the feeling that make us fail. Sometimes, because of you care too much about the end results that make you nervous or stress up.

Son: Yes. I understand and will do my best to be more relax. 

Me: Great. I am sure you can do it. Let’s talk about it next time on what you learn in the process. I want to know how you feel inside and how it affect your performance. Okay? Remember! Son! The real mistake is to stop trying.

Son: Sure. Thank you!

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Having a growth and positive mindset when facing the failure is just insufficient to turn the failure to success. It only helps in develop the character of resilient and have a greater chance of success from failure. However, we need to always asking what are those underlying reasons that make us fail. Practice, practice, practice without knowing the underlying reasons for failure will ensure you continue to fail. You only practise yourself into perfect in making a failure. 

When you face any failure in life (can be relationship, sport, career &, etc.) ask yourself these three questions: -

1. Do you ever think about why you always fail? (Explore the possibility and build awareness)

2. Do you think why you are constantly making the mistakes? (Examine the cause - be truthful to yourself)

3. So now you know the core reason of mistake is coming from......What will you do about it next time? (Develop action plan and adjust accordingly)

Learning from failure! This is the only way to breakthrough from failure to success! 

Failure is the key to success; each mistake teaches us something only if you choose to examine the cause & counter it.  

For every failure, there's an alternative course of action. You just have to find it.

I believe that so many famous people finally found the truth of failure, not just with growth & positive mindset, resilient but also diligence in examine the cause of failure and take actions to overcome it.  #bestadvice #Whatinspiresme

Watch the below Famous Failures video to find aspiration and motivation. 

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I was in production & operation management leadership role for more than a decade. Currently, I am attaching to a corporate profession in Business Development & Strategic Planning. I am also a Certified Professional Trainer (CPT), Certified Train the Trainer & Certified Business Analyst. I believe & inspired by “Anyone shall be given a chance to learn hence transform learning into long-lasting growth; building productive change!” 

I regularly write about management, leadership and career development as well. Feel free to also connect via Twitter, LinkedIn and Facebook About Learning Curve.

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