The 3 R's to Building Communication Confidence (or taking the stress out of talking about hard things)

#Confidence is not always a reflection of?expertise. #Communicating thoughts and feelings is an?emotionally-charged?practice. Our brain is designed to "judge" in order to simplify our understanding so that we can protect ourselves and what's important to us.

Most of us have experienced those regretful conversations where our emotions got the best of us and we said things with a tone or words that reflected our fear-based emotion (ask me about how we are always coming from a place of love or fear). Things can "go south" pretty quickly when we let emotion drive our communication. Have you ever left a conversation and reflected at some point that you didn't like or even recognize yourself with how you handled it? Typically, we are pretty intelligent and reasonable people. What happened? Fear-based emotion took over: fear of being disregarded, misunderstood, hurt, embarrassed, disappointed, or not in control in some way. This can happen in any personal or professional relationship.

On a lighter note and in more of the professional realm, we have all?witnessed?intelligent?people diminish their own credibility because of their incessant use of the word “like". “Like” used in every few sentences (or more) when someone is explaining something is?a form of non-committal that allows the person to pivot into an idea that the other person may appreciate more. Similarly, the overuse of cliches is a subconscious effort to convey a thought without taking ownership of it. Lastly, how about those "space holders"? Someone trying to control the conversation won't give space for the other to intercept by using "and"s and "um"s with every pause.

Communication confidence is developed through a combination of clarity and humility.?I coach people on what I call the “3?R’s?of Clarity”: Responsibility, Rehearsal, and Responsiveness.?

#Responsibility is about trusting your ideas, information, and feelings to be valid.?Sometimes we need a sounding board to help us evaluate our?perceptions. We all have Cognitive Bias.?It’s?the?result of the cyclical pattern of?how we sort out life experiences and how life experiences?then?shape how we perceive the world around us.?Cognitive Bias is useful...until it's overused. One important aspect of working with a coach or mentor is being able to help challenge and adjust Cognitive Bias.

#Rehearsal is something that can help you prepare for challenging conversations. The steps that I coach people to use are to ask themselves these questions?to?align their actions/words with their best intentions:?

1. How do I want to be perceived??
2. How do I want the other(s) to feel??
3. What do I need them to know??

#Responsiveness is?one of the?most effective tools?in building communication confidence, however.?If we can pay attention to the nonverbal cues of the person we are talking with, pause, and either ask clarifying questions or let them know that we need more time to think about the answer, we?simultaneously?grow?our own confidence in communicating?effectively?and?allow the other person to build a stronger trust in us.?"Give me a minute to digest this" or "Let me make sure that I understand you correctly" are those connecting statements that give you space and grace in your important conversation.

No matter how smart we may be, how advanced we are in our careers, how long we have been in our relationship, or how RIGHT we may be, exercising the 3R's of communication will undoubtedly help you deepen the meaning of your words and enhance your connection with your colleague, significant other, child, or friend.

?Give the 3R's a try and let me know how they are working for you!

Reach out to me if you would like coaching around communication confidence in your work or personal roles.? [email protected] or right here on #Linkedin for coaching individuals and/or corporate teams.