3 Reasons Barbie Matters

When the Barbie movie was announced I had no idea what to expect. As a filmmaker and someone who loves movies, when I noticed who was behind the production of the film and some of the actors already attached to the project, I had an inkling that this would be something special. When it opened, my partner was super excited to go catch it. I was excited too, but I'll be honest, a bit skeptical. We ended up going on the second weekend and absolutely loved it. A few days later, we caught it again. There have been many split reactions to the film, among the many reactions, have said that this is a film that "empowers women" and that it "bashes men." Yes, in my opinion, it does empower women, but it also empowers men, it empowers anyone and everyone, as we have all been affected by patriarchy (defined as a social system in which positions of dominance and privilege are primarily held by men.) It is a reminder or perhaps even a wake-up call to those who are not aware of what has happened to us as a human race, and how the traditions, rules, and systems that have been laid in place from the past to the present have affected how we live, how we treat one another, and how we view ourselves. No matter what color our skin, gender identity, class status, etc. we have all been affected by his-story, some of whom have benefited, while others have caused more harm. I found much of what this film shared is not just important for us, but even needs to be made a priority. There's a lot to unpack after my viewings, but I've got 3 points I'll share as to what I got from Barbie.

#1 MEN Ken EXPRESS HOW THEY FEEL IN HEALTHY WAYS

There is a moment in the third act, where Ken's battle each other, what is known as the "I'm Just Ken" ballad, a hilarious confrontation consisting of tennis rackets, beach balls, and really short...70's-era shorts. At some point during their "fight," they stop to face off each other and gesture a motion as if their chests are exploding out of their bodies...transitioning into a golden era of Hollywood technicolor musicals, where the Ken's are dressed in all black, with the likes of "Grease Lighting", performing a dance number to each other. Eventually, they came to the conclusion they don't need to fight, hurt, or be angry anymore. At first, I was confused, by this chosen sequence but with more thought and a little research, I saw this as a beautiful portrayal of what we 'men' struggle with. For most of us, we were never taught that it was okay to express how we felt. And if we do the only one that is accepted is through anger. We don't share how we feel when we feel it, that it bottles up, and when things get hot and heavy we feel the need to lash out and do something about it, in many cases towards someone perhaps. This is how the Ken's felt. They didn't know any better and thought they had to fight it out, but eventually, they realized another alternative, in this case, a cathartic dance, first aggressive, and combative, but later turned to embrace and acceptance. Something we all can do, with more practice, in our own ways of expressing how we feel, by giving ourselves the right, reason, and permission to do so.

#2 WE ARE ALL ENOUGH

One of the most powerful, inspiring, touching, and a reminder was when Gloria (America Ferrera) delivered a monologue on the impossible double standards of being a woman. I've included this below for your viewing.

"It is literally impossible to be a woman. You are so beautiful and so smart, and it kills me that you don't think you're good enough. Like, we have to always be extraordinary, but somehow we're always doing it wrong.

You have to be thin, but not too thin. And you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy, but also you have to be thin. You have to have money, but you can't ask for money because that's crass. You have to be a boss, but you can't be mean. You have to lead, but you can't squash other people's ideas. You're supposed to love being a mother, but don't talk about your kids all the damn time. You have to be a career woman but also always be looking out for other people.

But always stand out and always be grateful. But never forget that the system is rigged. So find a way to acknowledge that but also always be grateful.

You have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line. It's too hard! It's too contradictory and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you! And it turns out in fact that not only are you doing everything wrong, but also everything is your fault.

I'm just so tired of watching myself and every single other woman tie herself into knots so that people will like us. And if all of that is also true for a doll just representing women, then I don't even know."

For all my years from a boy to the man I am today, I was oblivious to all this. The world that I grew up in, and have known up until now, is not the same one I want to continue to live in, at least, as is. Now that I have been more exposed, and more knowledgeable of the vast differences between women and men feel I am forever changed. I've learned so much more about the viewpoints and perspectives those who identify as women deal with on an everyday basis that it hurts my soul sometimes to know many don't feel safe, don't feel seen, heard, or equal. Equal? There are many who don't see this as necessary, there are many who still would agree women don't have rights, women don't need rights, at least the same as men do, they are inferior and need to "know their place."

I will never forget in my previous marriage the amount of times my wife shared with me how she didn't feel safe. Whether as we spoke on the phone, on her way home departing the train, or the numerous other times, though I cared, I couldn't see it from her perspective, or I chose not to see it from her perspective, and instead of holding steady, listening, really listening, I brushed it off and told her, "Don't worry about it." I've accepted my faults of my past, and been working hard to do and be better not just towards other women and girls, but also to myself and my fellow men and boys as well. I've chosen to not ignore that things are not equal, far from it in fact. From the size of pants pockets, manufacturing causes for use of purses, high costs of cosmetics, and any personal hygiene products. aka what is known as "the pink tax." Look it up if you don't know...it is very unfair and unjust in my opinion.

#3 NOT ALL MEN WERE REPRESENTED IN BARBIE, BUT I ALSO GET WHY

If there was one area that kind of bothered me in the Barbie movie, it was that as I watched it (both times) I felt that all the male characters were represented as immature, incompetent, and portrayed characteristics I no longer like associating myself with. From all the Ken's to the Mattel executives, even all the male's Ken and Barbie encountered in the "real world" they acted kid-like and childish, but I understand why.

As I watched, these different characters behaved as they did, and said what they said, I was like, "I don't want to be like that, I hope I'm not like that, and I've worked damn hard not to be like that." I remember when I was younger, and I saw female friends of mine talk about their brothers, fathers, boyfriends, and husbands, and how they didn't do certain things or how much they yearned for the men in their lives to have better emotional intelligence, I said to myself, "I will be one of these men, who cared, someday."

The one character I felt was the closest was Alan. Which is very funny, because he is known as Ken's friend, and that's it. He's not special, he's not sought out, he's usually the one that is forgotten, lost among the crowd. When Ken took over Barbieland, Alan wanted nothing to do with it and was looking for a way to escape it. Alan had his own opinion of what he liked and didn't like. On top of that, Alan was the one character who had some real cook kick-butt sequences LOL!

My partner reminded me that the reason why the Ken's were not mature and had the ability to see beyond how they were being treated by the Barbies, was because they were the least played within the "real world." When they don't get to play or gain experiences, like the Barbies, they don't know how to define themselves and haven't truly discovered their own voices yet.

Conclusion

As I researched and prepared for writing this entry, I came across many articles, and Youtube clips, that think the Barbie movie was a film that empowered women and hated men. That it is a "woke" film, and it is all feminist. The many different responses I heard and read poked fun and were very upsetting, even going as far as to light a fire on the actual Barbie toys. Talk about men not expressing their thoughts and emotions in healthier ways. I was disgusted. Most of these comments were made by men who are already in places where they so oblivious to the effects of patriarchy. These men are upset that Barbieland consists of strong, smart, self-empowered women to rule to make decisions together or on their own, while the Ken are seen as somewhat secondary. Meanwhile, in the "real world" men rule and make the decisions. Hello!?? This is exactly what is happening and has been happening due to patriarchy. They talk loud, brash, and interrupt their guests during conversations...THIS IS THE ISSUE. This is the point. Instead of recognizing and listening to what the females are saying and have been saying. For example, on the topic of domestic violence and abuse, they distract and sidetrack and say something like, "What about the boys and men, women aren't the only ones being affected!" That's not the point of what they are saying. No wonder women are exhausted and for many feel disappointed and often times hopeless. If we don't listen, nothing will change.

We men have a responsibility for not just ourselves but also for the girls and women. We need to do our very best to listen to create safe spaces to be seen, heard, and taken care of. Not taken for granted, not assuming how things "should be", and for sure never ever "sung at." I'm glad for many watching Barbie has helped them recognize the red flags, or toxic behaviors in our relationships. To pay attention to that our self-worth is worth something...it's actually worth everything if we see it that way. Each of us should take some time to get to know our own worth, our own value, not as determined by something someone has told us we need to be like, not because of how we were raised, not even because of the rules, laws, and the systems that exist in place. Like the Ken's perhaps it's time for us to go out and find what defines who we are, for us, create our own definitions for ourselves that we can be proud of.

This 'Ken' is all in.