3 Questions to be more gentle with yourself this December

I saw the above post on IG a couple of days ago and immediately resonated with the message. For the past several years, I've been a loud advocate for gentle winters. There's a reason why you haven't gotten any “Black Friday Sale Ends Now!" emails from me. In fact, you didn't even get a “Happy Thanksgiving - I'm grateful for you” email from me this year; I don't really believe in Thanksgiving but that's another email for another time. This is the season of darkness (if you're in the Northern Hemisphere) when nature slows all the way the fuck down, preserving as much energy as it can.?

AND YET…

It seem like most of the ways the world operates is pushing us to do a million little things during this season. Between the countless holiday parties that pop up and

the barrage of black friday emails seems to never end, the last thing on most of our minds is usually slowing down. While the tradition of gift giving and spending extra time with loved ones during the cold winter months has its place, so much of the original intentions get lost in the hyper-capitalist machine we have to participate in for our survival.?

AND YET…

What if there was a different way? What if we just said “no” to some of the holiday gatherings? What if we went less wide but deeper with our gift giving, working more on personal and meaningful gifts for a small number of people instead of trying to get something for everyone? What if we spent cozy nights at home with loved ones hand-making decorations instead of “braving” the crowds at the restaurants and malls?

There is always another way. That way may not be easy and sometimes it's not accessible to us because of limitations like time, energy, ability, and financial resources. But as much as we can, let's choose to be gentle with ourselves and our loved ones this season. Every time you choose for yourself, you exercise your agency and take a little bit of your power back.?

AND YET…

I know that this is not always possible. There are power dynamics to consider, cultural norms to concede to occasionally, and sometimes it's just fucking hard to say no. When all that is the reality you have to contend with, be gentle with yourself still. You are doing the best you can, with what you have, given the circumstances.?

REPEAT AFTER ME: I am gentle with myself. I am doing the best I can, with what I have, given the circumstances.?

Say this out loud so that your ears hear it. Write it down so that your eyes see it. Let it be the first thing you think of when you wake up and the last thing you remember before falling asleep. Visualize what it looks and feels like to be gentle with yourself:

• where do you need to find forgiveness for yourself for not meeting your high expectations?
• when can you say no so that your yes means that much more?
• who do you need to lean on for support so that you feel safe and held?

Whatever the answers are (to these questions or others you need to consider), take a cue from nature and be gentle with yourself this December, this winter. Preserve your energy where you can. Rest as much as possible. Nurture yourself. I'm here if you need to talk.?