3 Questions Leaders Must Ask for Better Employee Conversations

Do you find conversations with your employees transactional or routinary??

Do you feel depleted, frustrated or worried after talking to them?

It’s tiring isn’t it??

What was once an activity you looked forward to has become something you avoid or even dread. Why can’t all conversations be comfortable and relaxed? Why does it have to be so difficult to get people to do the right thing? And you wonder when joy has left the scene.?

I felt the same way too when I was a manager. I loved (and still do) conversations with my employees, but sometimes, I just feel so used up after. Anxiety has taken over. (Sounds familiar? You can tell I recently watched Inside Out 2)

I discovered the answer through coaching leaders and conducting coaching skills workshops for leaders, and through studying more about coaching and how our brain works.?

I’ve observed that many leaders take it upon themselves to do all the heavy lifting. Yes, leaders are accountable for results. But it doesn’t mean that the leader must have all the answers, be the one to always find a way and do all the work.?

Leadership roles have evolved. Agile leadership is the way forward.?

(Read more about agile leadership and how it differs from traditional management here and here )

What small steps can leaders do to become more agile and to get better outcomes from employee conversations?

You can start by including these three simple questions in your day-to-day and periodic employee conversations.?

What’s your agenda?

What? I’m coming to a conversation without an agenda? I thought leaders should be prepared?

Technically speaking, in coaching conversations, the client or the coachee defines the agenda. I get that certain workplace conversations are manager-driven, thus you come prepared with your agenda. However, this shouldn’t always be the case. There should also be room in conversations for employees to define and drive the agenda.?

Here are different ways to apply this

• Allot time in your conversation for them to bring forward their topic of choice.
• Designate specific conversations to be entirely employee driven
• When you do have an agenda set for a conversation, set the stage and align intentions at the beginning of the conversation

When teaching leaders how to coach, I observed this to be a common challenge. Either there is no clear agenda agreed and set, or the leader-coach takes the reins and drives the conversation forward leaving the employee (coachee) just following their lead. No wonder leaders are tired.?

Breathe! Give your people space to define and drive the agenda.?

How can we think this through?

Aside from defining the agenda, managers come to employee conversations with a carefully planned flow of the conversation. This works for structured meetings or skills training. Though even as a Trainer/Facilitator, I also find myself pivoting in the middle of a workshop to better respond to my participants’ needs.?

One of the things you can try doing as a leader is to let your people take the wheel, with you at the driver’s seat. When you ask them, “how can we think this through?” you give them a boost of confidence through trust, and you open doors for possibilities and innovation. Who says all the best ideas should only come from leaders??

Sometimes all your employees need is the opportunity to share their thoughts and ideas in a safe space, with you standing aside and allowing them to experiment and grow.?

The hard part? Leaders must unlearn the need to constantly be in control, and learn to embrace uncertainty of where the conversation will go.?

In what specific ways may I support you?

Finally, after thinking and processing together, you hold out your hand (figuratively) and ask them how you help them turn their plans into reality. Sometimes, it’s good to ask them for specific ways you can support them instead of a generic “How can I help you” question.?

You can also expand this further to build accountability and the process for follow through.

• What specific resources do you need to make this happen?
• When can I check in on you?
• What can we put in place to help keep us (you) on track?

It’s about empowerment.

In a recent workshop I facilitated, I reminded leaders that when you simply tell someone to do something, it doesn’t automatically equate to empowerment. Empowerment includes equipping people with the skills and helping them feel more confident not just in doing tasks but also in thinking through and making decisions.

The problem I’ve observed is that employees have stopped thinking for themselves and default to “Let me ask my boss first.”?

And then managers complain that they aren’t able to take a day off and enjoy their vacation without receiving an SMS or a call from their team.?

If you want to truly empower your employees, help them grow and build your succession plan, then start by asking these 3 questions during your conversations.?

If you’re curious to know more about how you can build these skills as a Leader, join me on July 11, Thursday at 3:30 PM. I am conducting an introductory webinar on the Essential Coaching Skills Workshop, which I've run and am running for different organizations and their leaders.

We’ll answer questions like…

What does it really mean to coach?

Would it really make a difference when leaders learn how to coach?

How can we do it effectively and sustainably?

We’ll also have a Q&A session so bring your questions with you!

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Coach Kurly de Guzman is a Career and Leadership Coach and one of LinkedIn’s Top Voices based in the Philippines. She continuously seeks ways to help coaches, leaders and teams thrive through her newsletter, leadership and career development workshops as well as group and 1:1 coaching sessions for clients.

To work with Kurly, send an email to [email protected] or book an exploratory call to discuss your organization’s needs here .