3 Questions to ask yourself to be popular and respected?

Loved breeds happiness. And when you make others happy, you are loved. There is a close bond between love and happiness. So, how does listening help you in being loved and being happy? This is the subject of our discussion in this essay. The feeling that you are being loved brings you satisfaction. It enhances your self esteem and results in happiness. When others care for you, you feel important and when they listen to you, you feel significant and elated which adds to your happiness. Same is true when you listen to them.

Let’s deal with the subject by considering the following 3 questions:

What is good listening?

How does it help you to being loved?

How does it help you to be happy?

Question 1. What is good listening?

i) Ask question only to ensure understanding.

It requires you to put your agenda aside and totally devote to understanding and assimilating what is being said. You don’t listen to give a reply, but you just listen to understand. The moment you become keen to give a reply, your mind will start analyzing the speech from your own perspective. It will hinder your ‘objective’ understanding. You should, add comments, seek clarifications or ask question only after listening. When you understand and assimilating what is said it inspires the speaker.

ii) You should always be self-aware and live in present.

There should be no thoughts about the past nor should you think about future, when conversing with someone. It motivates the speaker.

iii) Body language is important part of communication.

You need also to understand the body language of the speaker. And, this would include eye contact, posture, facial expression etc. Body language also speaks of the lifestyle of the person concerned.

iv) Listening needs to be non-judgmental.

You must not allow your  personal prejudice to affect the meaning the speaker  wants to project. You need to show your positivity. 

v) Listening is more important than speaking.

To be listened is so important for the people that many a times they will like to be heard rather than just granted the request what they requested. They will even forgo what they have requested.

vi) Learn the process of active listening.

Active listening calls for you to listen about 80% of the time without interruption balance 20% of the time you may ask questions. This will indeed be an attribute of good listening.

vii) Assumptions misguide and sometimes these are dangerous

Make it known to the speaker that you are attentively listening. Thus, your nods with your head and words like ‘Yes ’hmm ‘I see, I agree go a long way to make be you an adept active listener.

Question 2. How does active listening help you to being loved

Let’s consider how listening actively makes others happy and make you in turn happy. They not only respect you but they love you if you actively listen to what they say.

Try to be at the same place as the speaker to understand them better    .

The speaker feels that he/she are important when you carefully listen to them. They are reassured that you care for them. In turn they will care for you. The speaker thinks that they have some worthy ideas that is being expressed. And if you don’t listen to them with due attention, they will feel let down. But if on the other hand you not only listen but make it known that you have listened, the speaker will feel elated and happy and so will you be.

Respect is always mutual, you have to earn respect. You have to make others happy to receive positive vibes making you happy in return. Besides, better listening rids you of any bitter discussion.  Beware of argument, if you win an argument you loose a friend. Active listening empowers you to hold your opinion without any offence. When your conversation with everyone becomes more meaningful, both of you enjoy it. Undoubtedly it brings happiness. 

Listening is so important that children sometimes become rebellious because they believe that parents don’t to understand them. In the fast changing world today maintaining good relations is more challenging than ever. Yet good relationship is emanating from better understanding which forms the foundation of respect and love.

So if you want to be loved by others listen to them and make them feel that they are loved. If you want to gain happiness distribute the same among others who will gladly reciprocate.

Question 3. How does Good Listening help you to be Happy?

Every living being has physiological needs and safety needs. Living being must have food to live and is keen to care for life. That part is survival story. No happiness is involved. But, after survival needs are fulfilled, psychological needs come to the fore for human beings.

As social entities, humans want to have a feeling of belonging. It’s an experience that they belong to a community, a family or a group gives them a feeling of satisfaction. If they are alone and uncared their psychological craving of togetherness disturbs them.

Good listening helps you to have cordial relations with your family and friends. When you listen to them they come closer to you, they experience that you are giving them importance. By listening you reassure them of their significance. Inwardly they feel obliged to you as you are fulfilling their psychological need of heart to heart communication.

 When you speak, you repeat what you already know. No doubt it satisfies your need for expression, but you don’t learn anything new. But listening gives you the opportunity to learn what you don’t know. Learning gives a great satisfaction and enhances your self esteem. When your self esteem is high you wish to do greater things. Self-esteem enables you to venture on the new turf, start new project. Maslow’s theory of happiness is recognized as the last word in respect of this great wishful emotion-happiness.

“There is a clear distinction between love and respect or esteem. The ability to feel self-esteem springs from being embraced by families and communities”. Further, you become more creative which again contributes to your confidence.

Good listening also helps you to mitigate your personal ego. Because when you are full of ego, you tend to behave as if you know all and therefore you shun listening, much less active listening.

Actualization makes you really happy. And what is actualization? Maslow defines actualization as “what a man can be, he must be. This need may be referred to the desire for self-fulfillment. So discovery of self, understanding the capabilities and then doing what it takes to actualize yourself will grant the best results. But this cannot take place unless you are a good listener.

With all the advantages described above there remains no doubt that listening and its resultant process will make you one, who understands the world and the people better. This understanding will make you happier, more than your expectations.