3 Questions To Ask When You’re Stuck

Hello, LinkedIn! Welcome to The Decision Doctor? Is In! Every two weeks, we’ll explore what it takes to lead well in the most critical moments. I’m so glad you’re here.?

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Even the brightest, most competent leaders get stuck sometimes. Maybe they are in a frustrating situation, or perhaps they’re unsure of how to proceed. As their mind cycles between options, they become trapped in a decision loop. And once they’re in, it can be hard to escape.?

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After making a tough decision, I often hear a board chair or CEO say, “I wish I’d acted sooner. Why did I wait so long?” I have never heard a leader say, “I’m so glad I waited until things were terrible before I acted.”?

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Why do even intelligent, experienced people get stuck? It is partly because it isn’t easy to realize when we are stuck. Even a bad situation can become background noise, annoying but not necessarily urgent. A second reason is successful and experienced leaders usually believe they are decisive and action-oriented. Leaders can and do rationalize to avoid the discomfort of admitting that what they are doing is not ideal. Admitting, even to themselves, that they are stuck can feel like a failure, and rather than endure that very unpleasant feeling, leaders can avoid making the very decision that would get them unstuck.?

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Sound familiar? You are in good company. In hindsight, Most people can see that they have been stuck from time to time. If you have a clue that you might be stuck or want to avoid it in the future, these ideas might be helpful.???

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Know the Signs?

Thankfully, there are clues to tell us when we are getting caught in a decision loop. Unfortunately, we frequently ignore them, especially when they are subtle. Experience tells us that some things work themselves out, but relying on it isn’t wise.???

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Internal cues can be difficult to trust, especially if we pride ourselves on rationality. We might tell ourselves not to make a big deal out of something small, especially if it is subjective. The pit in your stomach, mild tightness in your chest, or a nagging headache can be clues that tell us to be curious. Pay special attention when physical sensations (feelings) are related to a situation of high importance. If something repeatedly causes discomfort – a person, event, or situation, it's worth asking if you are stuck in something that needs you to pay more attention.??

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External signals are hard to miss, but can be cringe-worthy enough to make us turn away reflexively. A colleague or boss asking why it’s taking so long to solve X's problem or make a move on Y's opportunity is not ideal, but when they repeat, at least they aren’t ambiguous. Lest you think the obvious issues are less easy to push aside, beware of the temptation to explain away or avoid even serious problems.?

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But knowing how to see when we’re stuck doesn’t always keep it from happening. What do we do when we realize we’re in quicksand? Three essential questions can help.?

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• How am I thinking about this? Reflect on your thought process. Is how you are thinking your best effort, or are you using familiar decision-making habits? Who can you ask for help (not necessarily someone to give you a solution, but a thought partner.)?

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• What is the emotional climate??How are the people around you acting, and what does it say about their feelings? Impatient, for example, or anxious about a particular decision. This helps you understand the pressure you may be under and its reason.??

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• What has worked for me before? You’re a smart, competent leader, so don’t ignore how you have succeeded in sticky situations. While exploring what’s worked for you in the past, also consider how the circumstances are different. Many talented leaders have stubbed their toes by failing to see how a situation that may be similar differs from one in the past. This is a significant reason why executives new to an organization fail at an astonishing rate. They are stuck on doing what they have done before without realizing it or intending to.?

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These three questions are simple, but getting value from them requires us to be observers of our thinking (meta-cognition), curious about the emotional component of the situation, and willing to question how well our habits of behavior will serve us now.?

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?Learn more about how to make better decisions with my newest book!? Meta-Leadership: How to See What Others Don’t and Make Great Decisions draws on a vast body of research from psychology and business to show how great leaders can improve their judgment and decision-making for more robust, more profitable results.?

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