3 Questions, 3 Answers: How to tell the truth
For my own good, I want to hang out with people who want to find out what it would be like to live in such a way as to leave no unspoken words, no unfinished business; I want to be with people who are hungry for the truth, who want to spend time learning and sharing what they have learned rather than defending their images or reputations.
Brad Blanton?
Over the last weeks I have sharing thoughts on how to tell the truth.
But undoubtedly I’ll always get an email or whatsapp afterwards with questions on how to really go about this work.
My book starts out with this quote above, which should really capture the essence of this work, but for those who need a little more pointers I have decided to share the common questions and answers every other week or month.
Just so should know, I do not just come up with these answers as reasonable theoretical responses. These are insights from some of the greats, but also from my own prototyping and internal data collecting.
Moreover, there are also no exhaustive answers in philosophical works. If a man wants to be free then he must come to his own conclusions, but if he needs a little more direction, then this will do:
Surely I can solve all this internally and isn’t it better to just watch my thoughts pass?
As a society we are learning not to react to our triggers, to observe our thoughts as clouds and be unmoved as the Buddha was if we are to move into an enlightened way of being. But truthfully that is only half of the human story.
While we must evolve from monkey mind reactors into stable monks that can view our thoughts for what they are, just thoughts, to evolve now we must also be able to share those thoughts that are most true to us so that we and others can see the world for what it really is. Not some manicured version of it.
It is also true that what you call healing will sometimes only require you to journal in privately, but other times it will require you to pick up the phone and tell them how it really is.
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How do I know the difference between reactive thought and that which is deeper truth yearning to be spoken?
In the early stages you won’t know the difference. That’s how it's supposed to be. Sometimes you can only realize that there is something neurotic going on inside you when you start expressing outwardly. And only then can you start to find other ways to heal or deal with that neuroticism.
But in the beginning stages speak your mind consciously. That doesn’t mean to choose your words carefully but to allow your words to come out as they do and simply pay attention.?
If it feels repetitive, it might be because you need to speak that truth more often to find some solace from it. It might look like this: you don’t know how to tell someone you do not trust them so you avoid them. But then you decide that you want to outgrow this so you eventually tell them that you are “choosing not to do business with them you are not feeling it.”?
Sometimes our trauma discolors every situation around us. You may be experiencing excessive guilt. And so every uncomfortable situation you fall into exacerbates that guilt. You may feel the need to run from others, argue with others, or overly express your apologies. These would be signs of the emotion of guilt that is constantly driving your life.
I don't want to hurt anybody, do I really need to say what I feel?
It is not the thing you are saying that hurts, it is how it is being interpreted. Remember, nothing is personal. What you are saying has only to do with what is happening inside of you. It has nothing to do with what is happening in the other.?
It is also true that some simple statements are so hurtful because the majority of society are not used to them. It should be normal for someone to just say, “I don’t like hanging out with you.” But that statement is usually taken with such offence.
Maybe we all need to get used to making these statements of fact so that we can outgrow these sensitivities and become more functional.
Let’s get to a point where it doesn’t hurt.?
- Sameer