3 Queens for 3 Kings - Leadership Epiphany

In the Epiphany Day, celebrating the 3 kings arrival to the nativity scene, let’s remind ourselves: a king is never late; he arrives precisely when needed. Can we all afford to be kings? Perhaps not—but we can be queens, the vital partners who bring balance to the kingdom.

Let’s enter the royal court by defining the 3 Kings we can find in leadership roles, and then let’s say how you could be their Queen (assistant/partner/associate). The Leadership Styles below are inspired by Kurt Lewin, who studied this topic in 1939 and made a huge breakthrough in this field, paving the way for defining leadership styles :

1.??The Autocratic king

He is what we call a boss instead of a leader. Being right is as important to him as breathing, and if he is not the center of attention, you will likely find him throwing a tantrum. He wants what he wants, and he is likely to need it here and now, and you excuse to think about the how. The king has the answer: obey. But let’s give credit where it’s due. The Autocratic King is often an expert in his field, someone who’s earned the crown. While his demanding nature may fray your nerves, there’s much to learn under his reign—if you know how to navigate his challenges.

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How can you be a queen fit for an Authoritarian King?

Master your ego and his. His frustration often comes from the weight of his responsibilities, not from you. When tensions rise, breathe, refocus, and remind yourself that the crown is heavy.

When things go wrong (and they will), avoid pointing fingers. Instead, present solutions. The king may never admit fault, but he will respect your ability to fix problems, or so we hope.

Whatever you do, set firm boundaries, and ask all the necessary questions when receiving a task—remember he will never explain it poorly; you just misunderstood, so ask the questions. It's better to be stupid at the beginning of the task than later when you deliver the results.

Consider your odds if this feels too toxic: Are you learning and evolving? Or is it not worth the bother? If the answer is no, bow down and make a graceful exit. Other kingdoms await.

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2.??The Democratic King

This one we all like, and scholars say he is the most effective. This is the leader that starves to see all his people well-fed. He will make open forums to brainstorm topics – ideally with deadlines because we cannot be forever stuck in debates, and he will be receptive to timely feedback with a consistent structure. When he must provide you feedback, he will do it playfully or with some interactive game and storytelling that will wipe you off your feet. It is the master level of diplomacy; you may even receive a salary decrease, and you will feel like the best employee in town because it will be conveyed to you as good news. He is not a liar; don’t take me wrong; he has a role to play, and you must never lose sight of that.

Even when creativity and democracy flow, we all have a role at the end of the day.

How can you be a queen for this Democratic King?

Adapt to his communication style, but never lose sight of the goal and the importance of results.

Support this king by managing the details—track loose ends, create transparent processes, and keep the team accountable.

Own your mistakes. ?This will pave the way for improvement in a healthy democracy. Share your ideas openly, but let it be clear where they come from, and don’t allow other players to take your credits—they shouldn’t even try if you know what I mean. But the court can be a wary place sometimes.

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3.?The Laissez-Faire King

This is the relaxed king, meaning you cannot close your eyes as a queen. They don’t give details or orientation about the tasks; the final decision is usually up to the people. Although this is cool because you have more autonomy and ways to play around with situations, the studies show that this type of leadership usually results in poorly defined roles and, hence, a lack of motivation. There is also a tendency for the pointing-fingers policy, and you know how this goes: disorganization, lack of accountability, and usually chronic issues.

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How can you be a queen for this Laissez-Faire King?

First, do not criticize the king. He is the king, so if you have to say something about his leadership, back up on data and show that the problems we face result from a chain of events where it wasn’t clear who would do what and how.

Always ask and summarize the information you receive; writing is a must. Unlike the diplomatic style, this king will not be smart in his communication—or he will—but not in your favor.

Be proactive and transparent; Make all the team members aware of your progress, so if someone is not informed and cannot keep track and pace of the work to be done, we can all identify the weak link and problem without inconvenient issues and discussions. The ”Always Ask” is also valid for feedback; when you need to receive it or to give it, ask for an audition with the King and make your case.

Stand your ground. This is important because when roles are unclear, people will get toxic, not because they dislike you but because they are insecure about their roles and probably lack proper feedback.

Rest. When the king is dismissive, we will all suffer, but that should not meddle with your sleep. The queen must be healthy and strong, or else how would we live in this kingdom?

Now that all the Queens and Kings are on the table, are you ready for a chest match, or are you the Queen who follows the Pole Star and believes in miracles?

We should remember that we are all humans, and each strive is an opportunity for growth, in all leadership styles there is room for growth, and the way each combines with your working methods and personality is key. Whether you serve an Autocratic King who tests your patience and resilience, a Democratic King who guides you through the amazing art of collaboration, diplomacy, and accountability, or a Laissez-Faire King whose freedom will be a bliss and a curse, your role as Queen is vital, and so your ability to adapt as an employee.

**Let’s be clear: by ‘kingdom,’ we mean a company; by ‘queen,’ the associates and partners who support leadership. This metaphor is all in good fun—a chessboard of roles, not a commentary on gender.