3 Practices for Becoming a Compassionate Leader

If we’ve learned nothing from the worldwide Covid shutdown and how employees feel about returning to the office, it’s this:? compassionate leadership goes a long way toward employee satisfaction and retention.??

And yet, many managers scoff at the idea of bringing compassion into the workplace.??

As a culture, we believe a lot of myths about compassion:?

Some people fear that being more compassionate will make them weak or a pushover.

Others fear that employees will get less done if their managers are more compassionate.?

But mostly, people don’t fully understand what compassion is.??

So let’s start with what compassion is not.??

Compassion is not sympathy or pity, which is feeling sorry for someone.??

Compassion also is not empathy, which is being able to see yourself in someone else’s shoes and connect to their experience.?

Compassion is both having empathy and taking some kind of action to ease another person’s suffering.??

And by “suffering,” I mean any host of experiences:?

• Malaise
• Anger
• Frustration
• Lack of motivation
• Dissatisfaction?

But why would leaders want to take on the responsibility of taking action to ease another’s suffering, especially in the workplace???

Well, I’d hope that would be a no-brainer, but just in case, let me spell it out:? because when people believe that their leaders care about their well-being, it makes for happier coworkers and employees, which in turn benefits the company as a whole.??

So, what does it look like for leaders to bring compassion into the workplace??

It looks like having empathy for what employees may be going through…

remembering what it may have been like for you to be in your employees’ role…

recognizing that this “employee” is first and foremost a human being with a lot of other things happening in their life…

and then taking actions that help ease what your employees are experiencing.??

Here are 3 easy ways to practice more compassion as a leader:?

1. Remember this phrase: “Just like me.”

Human beings are fantastic at judging other people, often without realizing it.? And when we judge other people, we create disconnection.? We make it about “me” and “you” instead of “us.”? It’s easy to feel superior to someone, to criticize them, and to dismiss their experience, if we judge them as different or separate from ourselves.??

The antidote to this kind of disconnection and “othering” is to remember that “just like me,” this person [fill in the blank].?

“Just like me,” this person:

• had breakfast this morning.?
• might be having troubles at home.?
• suffers from a lack of confidence.?
• is tired.?
• doesn’t want to be here.?

It doesn’t matter how small or silly of a connection you try to make, the point is to make the connection to another human being.? When we can remind ourselves of that connection, it can help crack us open to showing more compassion.??

1. Be a more respectful listener.?

We often don’t realize the disconnection we create simply by having poor listening skills.?

We try to finish other people’s sentences.?

Check our phones or email while someone is talking.?

Don’t look at someone when they’re speaking.?

Think of other things when someone else is talking.??

Or interrupt them when they’re talking.??

If you want to connect to someone and show true compassion for them, practice your listening skills.??

Try this:? the next conversation you have, listen to the person for the entire time without interrupting.? And then, to see if you’ve actually listened, offer to repeat or reflect back to them what you heard them say so that you can make sure you fully understood.??

1. Ask this question:? “What do you need?”?

As a leader, when was the last time you asked your team or colleagues what they needed?? After you’ve reminded yourself of the connection between you and other people, and hopefully practiced being a better listener, sometimes the simple act of asking someone what they need can do wonders.?

For starters, it can show someone that you care about them and their experience.?

In addition, it can give you the joy of lending someone a helping hand if they ask for it.??

And if they say, “I don’t know,” then throw out some suggestions by saying “it sounds like you might need XYZ.? Am I understanding that correctly?”? This gives them a chance to reflect for themselves, and shows them that you genuinely care about understanding their needs.?

Being curious about what someone needs is a meaningful act of compassion.???

And when you invite in compassion as one of your leadership skills, you create a connection with your team and employees that will motivate everyone.

Michele L. Walter is a Certified Professional Coach, Certified Mindfulness Meditation Teacher, and owner of Life From The Summit, Mindfulness and Coaching. She’s a keynote speaker on conscious leadership and a mindfulness meditation teacher for organizations who want to create more work-place well-being.? If you like this article, please consider sharing it or even supporting Michele’s work by buying her a coffee. And contact Michele to discuss leadership keynotes or mindfulness trainings for your organization.??