The 3 pillars of feedback

Situation, timing, individual

Feedback is often deemed as a negative mainly because the human mind is hardwired to recall negative feedback and quickly accept and move on from positive feedback. I think we accept this and there are many methods in which feedback can be delivered to ensure we maximise retention and effectiveness. With a recent experience in which someone attempted to give me feedback I decided to develop the 3 pillars of giving feedback. All of which were ignored in this instance. While I focus on negative feedback, the same pillars are relevant for positive feedback, believe it or not positive feedback isn’t always welcome and can make us uncomfortable if not delivered under the correct parameters.

Pillar 1: Environment

Feedback being accepted or dismissed can hinge on the appropriate environment in which it is delivered. If you’re in a group setting for example you are more likely to dismiss the feedback particularly if it is geared towards the negative, in these circumstances you are likely to become defensive. The more social the situation the more likely this is going to be. Say you’re in a group or work colleagues at a bar and a co worker decides to give you some feedback, you can pretty much be assured that that will not end in a positive outcome. Now if this was the same group but in a work context, this may go down slightly better as the professional nature of the situation will be geared better towards positive uptake of this kind of feedback (plus you can be pretty sure no alcohol has been consumed prior to this situation). The final and most effective is a one on one scenario. Why make it public if it impacts no one else? If it’s that crucial that the individual hears what you have to say then take that person aside and provide the feedback that way.

Pillar 2; Timing

Immediate feedback is much better than delayed feedback. Immediate feedback assures that there is no other potential agenda. For example have you ever had someone provide you feedback only following a piece of advice you have given that has no bearing on what you just said. This frequently occurs in a home environment. For example. You say ‘I would love if you could make the bed’, and then you get a response like ‘Well maybe if you cleaned the dishes once in a while’ See how this response is in no way related to the initial comment and is purely opportunistic. This is a pretty direct example, but it shows that if you are delayed in your feedback it can come off as defensive or just attempting to palm off some direct feedback that you have received. Therefore, ensure your feedback is direct and immediate for maximum impact. If you want someone to change…or clean the dishes then tell them at the time where they are failing to meet expectations.

The same goes for positive feedback. Giving positive feedback after receiving positive feedback comes across as far less genuine than unprompted positive feedback. Make sure your positive feedback is immediate and not reactive to some positive feedback you have just received.

Pillar 3: Individual

The individual matters, we aren’t simply Cogs in a machine anymore, we don’t all receive feedback the same way. Some of us like simple numbers on a page that provide a black and white answer of our performance, others would prefer a discussion forum, some may actually like the group environment for feedback, I do assuming the two previous pillars (timing and situation) have been taken into account.

Click here to check out a couple of things you don't want to say in business...or life...

The Point:

While you may have some very constructive or supportive feedback to give it is important to consider the current situation, the timing of the feedback and the individual who you will be delivering the feedback to. If you want feedback to have a big and lasting impact then ensure you have taken these into account, if you don’t feel like it is important to take these pillars into account then maybe what you have isn’t feedback and instead may be serving a more selfish purpose instead of helpful and constructive one.