3 mindsets to unlock resilience & mental toughness

In a recent podcast (episode #586), I talked about 3 mindsets that will strengthen your mental resilience so that you are not blindsided by life! This is a replay of a Neurolive webinar I did on my app.?For the full webinar?AD-free, please see?Neurocycle.app.??

Life is filled with ups and downs, and sometimes, when we least expect it, those downs can really hit us, leaving us blindsided, confused and overwhelmed. Even though our resilience is unlimited, if we don’t work on unlocking this resilience when life is calm and we are at peace, it can become “locked up” when we need it most.?

Thankfully, there is a great way to practice tapping into your resilience reserves so that it becomes a habit when you need it most: changing your mindset. A mindset is a way that your mind functions, like a habit. It is the way you “set” your mind, literally! Like planting your garden in the spring yields amazing results all year if you do it right, deliberately choosing and practicing a mindset can really help you when life hits hard. That is why I often call mindsets “insurance policies”—they are there for you when you need them the most!

Three mindsets in particular are incredibly helpful, and can get you through those inevitable blindsiding moments in life:

1. “I need some time”

When you say something like “I just need some time," you are giving yourself the space to acknowledge and work through what you are going through, which is particularly helpful when you are feeling overwhelmed or stressed. This is not selfish!

So, instead of rushing to recover from a tough situation, give yourself time to feel your emotions. This will help you develop emotional flexibility: the ability to regulate your feelings and reduce their intensity in any given situation, tapping into your resilience reserves. Mastery over this mindset can really help you feel empowered during challenging times!

2. “I can handle what comes my way”

Reassuring yourself that you'll overcome your circumstances can go a long way, but you must practice this for it to become a long-term habit. A great way to do this is to think about times when you accomplished something difficult or coped and got through a really tough situation, write about it, and read it to remind yourself when you are struggling.?

The more this becomes a habit, the more you will be able to let go of just focusing on the negative (thinking this “will end badly”) and understand that things may work out better this time. You will also be able to change and adapt to your circumstances, shifting your coping strategies and harnessing what you need most to get through what you are facing.

3.?Saying “no”?

Don't feel guilty for putting yourself first and saying no! Resilience should be more about prioritizing your needs by setting boundaries than about what the other person wants or needs.

In fact, saying no when you feel you need to will increase your wisdom and empathy, as you will better understand yourself and your needs. It will also give you the energy you need to actually be there for others when they need you. I often compare this to putting on your oxygen mask on a plane—you must take care of yourself before you can truly be there for others.