3 mindset shifts to build better relationships

SUMMARY

• Do you have the right mindset when it comes to relationships? Do you even have a mindset at all?
• We all want better relationships in life, but improving the quality of our connections with other humans is not always a straightforward task, particularly if the way we are looking at them is not healthy at the first place.
• Let me share with you what I believe are the 3 essential mindset pillars to perform better in any relationship!

DID YOU KNOW?

1. If you are committed to reach your next level of professional and personal performance this year and wondering if Certified High Performance Coaching is what you need, you can apply for a free 60-min Clarity call anytime. This way!
2. The highest performers in the world are not that different from you and me. They have just found out what really matters when it comes to creating a successful life in a sustainable way.?Discover their secrets in my free webinar!

FULL TRANSCRIPT

“I really want unsatisfying relationships in my life.”, says no one ever! Maybe right now, you want a more empowering relationship with your boss, a deeper connection with a friend or less conflicts with your dear family members. Simply improving some key relationships in your current life could make a massive difference in the quality of your days. Can we agree on that?

Relationships are a big component of our overall performance as social beings, yet often great pain points as well that can trigger a lot of frustration and disengagement. We don’t always know how we ended up in unsatisfying relationships and how to fix them. Sometimes we fight or we build up bitterness. Sometimes we let go of relationships that could have been life-changing ones because we are not feeling as heard or supported as we wanted. Sometimes, we miss entering new relationships that could be empowering because we have developed a limiting belief about other humans.

Relationships are key for holistic success, resilience and happiness. That is why it is an important component I tackle with clients in high performance coaching. And while we go in depth into influence and persuasion tools that can bring them more confidence and resourcefulness in their approach, the key element behind any progress remains the mindset they have around relationships.

I believe there are 3 mindset pillars that can help you make tremendous improvement towards healthier connections and deeper quality.

Intentionality

Nothing in your life can improve or go to another level if your levels of intentionality in moving things in the right direction are not through the roof!

Being intentional requires first to have a crystal clear vision of where you want to go and why it is important for you to get there. How do you want this relationship to evolve precisely? Why is it necessary for you to improve the relationship right now? What will be the benefits for you and for the other person involved? What will be the success markers you will look at to confirm that your efforts are leading in the right direction? What time are you allocating to work on this relationship?

Once you have done the deep work there, all your actions and interactions will need to be aligned with the vision and intentions you have set. What actions do you need to take and keep yourself accountable for (listen more, be more assertive, etc…)? What energy and attention are you going to put in this relationship? How do you need to show up? What are the feelings you want to bring in? ??

Finally, consistency matters with intentionality. Change takes time particularly when humans are involved! Keep creating momentum in the right direction by staying focused on your intentions.

If that seems like a lot of work, it is because it is! Intentionality requires full commitment. Don’t panic if you cannot be intentional with all relationships in your life at the same time. Just pick the key 3 relationships that could bring a higher quality of life if improved right now and build from there!

Life-long curiosity

Relationships always start on a neutral tone, but it often doesn’t last. The main reason why? Law of familiarity – we get used to the person to a point that we think we know them. And that’s where assumptions appear – “He is always doing that. She is the type of person who does this. I know how he will react to that.”. We move from the excitement/discomfort of getting to know another person to stages of boredom, frustration and lack of interest.

The truth is – you will never know a person entirely and will never be able to know exactly what is going on in their head and their life. Making assumptions and thinking from a “know-it-all” place is what is keeping you in a blindspot position, unable to be resourceful in how you can improve a negative relationship. And it can also limit you to go as in depth as you could and create another level of quality in connections that are already positive.

Keeping at all times a beginner mindset is the best gift you can do to yourself and the other person. And I don’t pretend at any point that this is straightforward! But an easy way to get started is to be intentionally more curious!

Become a “Sherlock Holmes for people”, always seek to ask more questions to keep refining your understanding of that person. Surprise them with unexpected questions about themselves. Get them to share with you their goals, dreams and ambitions.

If you think about the 3 key relationships you want to improve, what are 3 things you don’t know yet about them? What questions could you ask?

Contribution

The fastest way to ruin a relationship? Looking at it like a transaction where you expect to get something from the person in front of you.

As humans, we all want to be listened to, understood and valued. This is natural. But expecting to get it from others is a recipe for disaster for your own confidence and satisfaction levels. Often because the other person is not even aware of your expectations, but also because you are putting the responsibility of your fulfilment outside of your own control.

A more proactive way to handle relationships is to first trade expectations for just appreciation and gratitude for what the person is bringing to your life (good or bad, there is always a learning!). And then to step out of transaction mode by transitioning to a giver mindset where you are the one adding value to the relationship.

Think about what would make their life easier and what do they need to move forward. How can you help them? Is it simply spending more quality time with them and bring presence? Is it to challenge them and support them while they are working towards their goals? Is it to help them get perspective and more clarity? Is it to simply bring some joy and energy to them? Is it to do things for them by anticipation so they feel less overwhelmed?

Be creative there! You have things to bring to that person, just dig in. And if you don’t know, just be curious and simply ask them what they need!

What do the people in your 3 key relationships need right now that you could provide?

Did you find this article insightful? Let me know in the comments!

Clo - Your Expanded Coach