3 Lockdowns Across 3 Countries - The Lockdown and its Impact on Mental Health

We have all been facing unprecedented challenges since the beginning of 2020. Until then, everything was sort of normal, and freedom of movement was something we took for granted. Unfortunately, all this changed under the COVID19 scenario. Suddenly, our lives, our daily challenges, obligations and social contexts started being shaken as never before had happened. Restrictions started being implemented everywhere and eventually culminated in the now familiar lockdowns which I had the misfortune of experimenting for 8 of the last 19 months. And thus began my lockdown history I am now sharing with you.

THE FIRST LOCKDOWN

Location: Singapore ?- The Confinement of the Sliding Glass Windows (April 2020 to June 2020)

At the start of 2020, although we (me and my husband) were living in Singapore, and we knew that something was happening in China, like most of the world, we would have never guessed how big the problem would become. Despite having good practices and being readily equipped with a strategy for a similar pandemic situation, Singapore failed to have everything under control, and we entered a strict lockdown at the end of March 2020.

We lived in a 5th-floor apartment with big window doors opening to the outside and resumed our lives working remotely, eating and drinking. My mood was great. I thought about all the things I had always wanted to do and never had the chance, time and or willingness to do...and it seemed like the perfect timing. I spent my time working on online courses, zoom webinars, creating two websites, a business plan for my own company and began power walking every single day. During this time, the confinement was surprisingly bearable. This supposed “house imprisonment” was not that bad.

However, work was a different story. I was dealing with a narcissistic boss who perpetuated a toxic environment through a clear separation of his team and others. He had zero understanding of the purpose of marketing and a distorted, perception of himself that was far from reality.

Personal Productivity: 10/10. Work Satisfaction: 4/10 Mental Health: 9/10

One can never have it all.

Location: Portugal - The Light at the End of the Tunnel

At the end of July 2020, we travelled back to Portugal to see our family, continue working remotely, and essentially, rethink our lives. My husband was also not happy with his current job and so we decided, in the middle of a crazy year, to realign our priorities. What did we really need? Working for wages derived from a toxic company? Continuing to live in a highly competitive and demanding society such as Singapore, far away from our family and friends and above all, unhappy? Should money be more important than our mental health? Could work bullying be stomached for a salary?

Right in the midst of this global, unforeseen fragility, we suddenly found ourselves with a surge of uncertainties that, unknowingly, helped us make a decision for good. At the end of the day, waking up every single day to deal with a toxic work environment (albeit remotely), was not something we could deal with anymore.

So, at that point in, August 2020, Lisbon was now our home and it felt like being on a holiday. The virus situation was not bad, restrictions were in place but we could travel to other cities, visit family and friends, go out even if limited in the evenings, and so on. My sisters and niece were also in Portugal, and the timing was perfect for us to disconnect, relax, reconnect, and restart. Although there was a certain point in which we both were technically unemployed, we had no doubt that quitting was the best decision we ever made.

We refocused our priorities and started applying for jobs in places that we believed would be a better fit for us.

At the end of the year, my husband received a job proposal for Vietnam and we were thrilled with the opportunity. Life seemed to be going smoothly, we still had a little more time to be with our family and friends. We knew that 2021 would start fresh, but at the end of December Portugal entered a strict lockdown. This would be our second.

LOCKDOWN - PART 2

Location: Portugal - The Confinement of the Casement Windows (December 2020 to February 2021)

The year 2021 began with another lockdown, mostly due to the Christmas celebrations and the impact they had on transmissions. The major difference in this lockdown? Dealing with the visa bureaucracy to enter Vietnam in February, lack of jobs and as result, unruly sleeping patterns.

For the sake of our mental health, we started seeking creativity. We bought Lego sets and my husband dove into painting and 3D printing. We entertained ourselves the best we could with things we liked to do. By that time, my business partner and I were also in the midst of launching our marketing agency. We were thrilled with the project and just the fact that we managed to launch it was an amazing accomplishment. At the beginning of the year, we had our very first client!

The 3rd-floor apartment we were renting in Lisbon had these small, casement windows, in the front and in the back, which made it impossible to enjoy the outside without a balcony or big windows. So, we drank plenty of wine (which we had proudly produced in the previous autumn and which was a fundamental factor in keeping us minimally sane and good spirited) and ate good food. We had hopes that we would be out of the woods soon.

However, being locked in an apartment during the gloomy winter grey skies was beginning to take a toll on us. I was sleeping very poorly, and the feeling of frustration was growing. Although we knew it was a temporary situation, we had been there before and it was more than enough.

When we left for Vietnam at the end of February, another 2 months had gone by, stuck at home, and we were again going into a 2-week mandatory quarantine at a Hotel in Ho Chi Minh City. To say we weren’t exactly thrilled, would be an understatement.

Personal Productivity: 6/10 Work Satisfaction: 10/10 (own company created) Mental Health: 7/10

Location: Vietnam - A Breath of Fresh Air After a Long Year...or So We Thought

On arrival, we headed straight to the hotel, and for 2 weeks we were stuck in a room completely jet-lagged, adapting to the new food, with no alcohol allowed. After 2 locked down months of “holidays” in Lisbon, this almost felt like a detox. At that point, we counted and realised that in one year, we had been “locked down” for 5 months (almost half of a year). This was almost unbelievable for the outgoing, extrovert and highly active couple that we are.

These 2 weeks were, undoubtedly, a test to our mental health and inevitably, to our relationship, as we were both too tired and simply aching to be released into the world again.

Finally, in middle March we left our quarantine and finally had a breath of that so much needed fresh air.

Ho Chi Minh was Covid free and so we were! There was an overload of feelings. Happiness, excitement, amusement, delight and the undeniable relief of the intensity of the lockdown ordeal, although handshaking and kissing seemed undeniably strange as we had come from a yearlong ban on these social gestures.

Good days were ahead, life was good and we dove head first into the adventure of discovering Ho Chi Minh, making new friends and enjoying the little things.

Lockdown Part 3

Location: Vietnam - The Confinement of the Balcony (July to September 2021)

In June 2021 things started changing and the curse of Covid once again followed us just as we were (at last) enjoying the feeling of being free again. Mostly due to illegal migrants from neighbouring Laos and Cambodia carrying the virus into Vietnam, infections started popping out everywhere and from July the government imposed a strict lockdown - no shopping for food was allowed, nor any chance of leaving the house at all.

My mind screamed, “we can’t be back to that again, it can’t be possible.”

This time we were living on a 2nd-floor apartment with a balcony that we specifically chose as we realised how important the outdoor feeling is, after the previous experiences we had lived through in previous lockdowns (we should have gotten a pool too!).

After the initial apparent denial faded, we already knew the drill. Different countries, same rules. We settled in quiet despair and resignation for the third, and hopefully, last lockdown.

But this lockdown was a completely different story. Forget about having energy and the optimistic vision of the first lockdown we faced in Singapore. Forget the blind hope that still harboured during the second lockdown in Lisbon. This time we resigned to complying only with tasks we felt like doing. Now, we found ourselves simply feeling extremely unproductive and with absolutely no motivation at all, with very little energy. The question emerged for us both almost instinctively.

How can we face another three months like this?

Our case is a special one, in a year and a half adding the new lockdown, we were stuck for an unbelievable total of 8 months.

So, we threw in the towel and acceptance and complete resignation to the fact that there was absolutely nothing we could do about it was the only way to go. I repeatedly said to myself that absolutely nothing lasts forever, and if we had survived two long lockdowns and one mini (at the hotel), we would do that for the third, and certainly, the last one.

So, with this in mind, we focused on being practical and realistic as to what we really needed to do to make this time easier. We bought a fitness bicycle to exercise at home, I accepted a promising job and threw myself into it. I kept my mind busy and my body exercised. Luckily my husband was pretty happy with his job. For the first month things went fast and mostly smooth despite it all.

Not long after, things started to decline with my new job. The senior role I was hired to do was mostly a sham. My direct manager was a rude not empathetic micromanager, separating teams, colleagues and roles while in remote work... supposed to be supportive… and I did not see that coming, but considering the circumstances, I decided that being busy was better than not and I just kept on working.

After 3 months and a lot of thought, a lot of a not understandable high level of toxicity coming from a small team, being already affected by so many lockdowns and knowing exactly what was coming down that road, against all the odds I quit the role for the sake of my mental sanity.

At that point of my life, after the crazy year and a half we had, I had no need to push myself to a breaking point and I felt this immense sense of relief that can only come from a decision that made my life lighter, and took the weight of complying with the expectations of others, off my shoulders.

Life is better now, the strict lockdown ended, we can go out shopping for food, we can meet friends, we are already fully vaccinated and finally, the future seems promising and bright again.

Personal Productivity: 5/10 Work Satisfaction: 2/10 Mental Health: 4/10

I wrote my story in support of “World Mental Health Day”, and I hope this text helps to share the personal challenges one has to endure in these crazy times we are living, and somehow helps to transmit a bit of normal feeling for what we all have been experiencing.

As an effort to help people with their mental health and provide support to uplift spirits, a goal I also embraced during the pandemic was creating a website (https://righthererightnowt.wixsite.com/rhrn ) with my sisters, where we aim to be “emotional cheerleaders.”

It’s time to share our struggles. Right here and right now.

?#WorldMentalHealthDay

?Written by Kamia Vasconcelos | Edited by @IrisVasconcelos

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