3 Life Questions | Volume 02

Question 1: HOW DO YOU CARVE OUT SPACE IN YOUR PATH FOR FUN? 

Friday Night: Work until 6:00 - 7:00 PM. Read. Pass out, hard, before 10. 

Saturday: Wake up 12:30 PM the next day. Workout. Nap. Order chipotle for lunch, with double chicken (duh!) Read more business books. Hit the sack early for a good night’s rest.

Sunday: Clock back into my six-day workweek… again.

That used to be me. Three years ago, this was my rough burnout inducing schedule pretty much every weekend. 

 Back then, I liked to think of myself as The Most Least-Interesting Man in the World.

 As I’ve grown into my twenties, the concern I received from my parents about being well-rounded is finally hitting home. Being a functional human being in 2020 takes more than working around the clock and taking less than 24 hours off to “rest.” I’m starting to re-write my narrative about what success means by learning a new skill… “having fun!”

For years, I always relied on other people in my life like loved ones and friends to plan this part of my life for me. I even had a nickname for them on my phone - “Fun Buddy 1,2, etc.” Now, I'm learning to be my own Fun Buddy.  My first step, as I always do, was to do my research first. I even got in touch with Michael Rucker, who writes on the Science of Fun.

 Since New Year’s Day, I’ve:

• Signed up for a 6-week improv course
• Started taking salsa dancing classes
• Seen a handful of indie movies
• Listened to new music such as Lane 8, Mt. Joy, The Head and the Heart
• Missed the cut auditioning for the Impractical Jokers ??
• Scaled climbing walls until there was too much lactic acid buildup
• Been thinking about trying my hand at songwriting - maybe something like The Lumineers

 Learning how to have fun when I’ve spent so much of my life in full-throttle work mode seemed daunting at first (to take on by myself), but it really hasn’t required any drastic life changes. Michael Rucker’s writing on the topic has really resonated with me, especially the graph below about the 4 quadrants of fun. I think it shows you how to have different types of fun based on your mood, energy level, or how much time you want to spend with your Corgi

Image Source

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Question 2: HAVE YOU ENABLED SOMEONE’S BAD HABITS BY NOT SETTING BOUNDARIES OR CARING TOO MUCH?

My name is Bryan Wish and I’ve been an enabler my entire life. 

As a kid, I never told on “Shannon” for cheating off me in Spanish class. 

On my college intramural team, I never told ‘Eric” to stop finishing left-handed layups with his right hand.

Even now, I often find myself wanting to put other people’s short interests over what will be best for them in the long term. And you know what else? I don’t think I’m alone.

All jokes aside, growing up, I was probably enabled more than most and I established dependence on those closest. Hoping it would make me more independent, my father sent me on a three-week NOLS Outdoor trip that made me less reliant on others’ approval, and gave me the confidence to be more independent. 

I’ve been reflecting lately on the people who have managed me and the people I’ve managed in my own life. Striving to be a good person and surrounding myself with kind and driven people is a core personal philosophy central to my identity. When you try to be “too nice,” however, you often end up making the more comfortable decisions to avoid confrontation in the short term at the expense of better long-term solutions. 

When we never stand up for ourselves, people will continue with problematic behavior. In the end, letting this continue unchecked doesn’t empower them; it enables them to stay stuck in bad habits. 

Hold your teammates and personal relationships accountable for what they say they’re going to do. When they don't, speak up and be direct when they don't follow through. Having the wherewithal to stand up for what is right helps everyone involved in the bigger picture.

Understanding ourselves and where we personally need to grow better equips us to navigate the world independently. It’s equally important to help others do the same.

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Question 3: ARE YOU RIGID, OR JUST REGIMENTED?

Just like anyone tech-enabled these days, I tuned into social media over New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day. Most of the posts I saw featured outlandish resolutions for 2020 or nostalgic decades in review. It’s fun to reflect and set big goals at the start of a new decade, but a strong feeling came over me that we need so much more than one day of self-regulation and reflection.

Here’s my pitch: Let’s make these aspects of our New Year’s celebrations a lifestyle. Who says we can’t integrate this spirit of planning, reviewing, and doing monthly, quarterly, or even day-to-day? 

If we’re consistent, we won’t feel compelled to try to reinvent ourselves when the ball drops next year. That mentality is honestly unsustainable, and it devalues who we are right now. Equipped with a full year of continuous review, we can start fresh with a deeper understanding of what pieces to add into our routine, and specific, actionable areas to improve.

Reflecting on my own 2019, I succeeded most consistently with regimented scheduling. Here’s my report card for my main focal points:

• Fitness [A+]: I did 5 workouts a week, implemented a mostly keto diet with intermittent fasting from June to November (I can’t resist all the holiday treats!), and established a regular sleep schedule.
• Business [A]: I doubled down in the year of survival and built robust processes and infrastructure so we could build something meaningful for the long haul.
• Friends & Family [B+]: I planned dinners with my mom and dad a few times a month and took the time to call or have lunch with the people I care about.
• Facial Hair [D-]: This is major. I grew a big beard... that was tragically rejected by the herd. Apparently, it looked more Amish than the Hugh Jackman look I was going for.  I think I need to learn how to trim and groom it to pull it off this year. ??

My key takeaway? The healthier I become, the more energy I can give to the most important areas in my life. When I think about 2020, I don’t envision making any wild 180 degree pivots into a new direction. I think I’m finally on the right path.

This year, I’ll continue building on the foundation I’ve laid. Once I master the essentials, I’ll add new peripheral interests. Sticking with healthy habits is key to performing at my highest level.

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