3 Life Lessons I Wish I'd Truly Embraced Sooner

Hello, LinkedIn family (special shout out to Shawn Cohen, Esq. for asking, "Where is the newsletter?!?! "

Today, I want to unpack some nuggets of wisdom that took me far too long to grasp fully. You know how it goes: you hear these sayings all the time, but there's a world of difference between hearing and really hearing. So, let's dissect three pivotal lessons that could have spared me plenty of headaches and heartaches if I'd paid closer attention earlier in my journey.

1. "When someone shows you who they are, believe them..." - Maya Angelou

We've all nodded to this sage advice, usually after someone's negative behavior blindsides us. But here's the deeper truth: humans are intricate good, bad, and ugly mosaics. It's tempting to zero in on the negatives—our brains are practically wired for it. This is known as the negativity bias: our minds cling to bad experiences like Velcro while good ones slip away like they're coated in Teflon. This evolutionary trait made our ancestors super alert to danger, but today, it often just skewers our perspective.

We're not seeing the whole picture if we obsess over the negative. Consider this: a single act of kindness is just as much a part of someone's character as a moment of pettiness. On social media, this bias is on steroids—you might get a thousand likes on a post, but it’s the one nasty comment that haunts you all day. This happens because negative interactions trigger a stronger surge in electrical activity in the brain, forging stronger, stickier memories—thank you, neuroscience!

So, the next time you see a slice of someone's true self, try to view their entire personality spectrum. It’s like chess: you must see the whole board, not just the piece threatening your king.

2. Behavior Under Pressure: The Real Litmus Test

Character shines (or dims) most vividly under pressure. I've broken this down into three critical observations:

A. Watch how someone treats people after they get what they want.

It's easy to be Mr. or Ms. Charming when you need something. But observe how they act after achieving their goal. Do they turn colder than a winter in Paterson, NJ, or do they maintain their warmth? This post-goal shift reveals more about a person’s true character than a thousand promises or apologies.

B. Watch how someone treats those they perceive as 'beneath' them.

The true color of someone’s soul emerges in how they treat the waiter, the janitor, or anyone they deem 'less.' If they show kindness only to those who can boost their climb up the ladder, that kindness is as shallow as a kiddie pool. True respect and decency are universal, not selectively doled out.

C. Watch how someone treats people they disagree with.

How someone handles disagreement is the acid test of character. Can they hold their ground without belittling others? In today’s "cancel culture," notice who gets ostracized. It’s not those that are loud and wrong, but we agree with -of course, you and your "tribe" are never wrong, which is another convo for another time.

Do you know who we cancel? The folks that are loud and "wrong" that we DON'T agree with- of course, the folks you disagree with can't possibly be right, which is another convo for another time!

Reflecting on these behaviors is less about judging others and more about setting a personal standard. Are we consistent in our respect and decency, regardless of what others can do for us or how they view the world? If you are honest with yourself, the answer is probably not, but you can change it, or not.

3. "People are playing Candyland not Checkers, and dayum sure not Chess!-DeTravius Bethea, Esq.

Indeed, most Americans strut around believing they're master strategists, but their actions are as predictable as Candyland’s path. Why? Because humans are creatures of habit and notoriously poor at long-term strategic thinking.

Even those strategizing well often falter in execution due to a lack of discipline. Indeed, our world favors immediate gratification—long-term plans are as popular as Diddy parties right about now! But here’s the kicker: we often choose Candyland’s simplicity because we shy away from the complexities of Chess. It’s easier, less stressful, and doesn’t demand as much from us.

The challenge is recognizing when we're settling for simple moves and quick wins. Are we planning with the foresight of a chess grandmaster, or are we just hoping to land on the right square to zip us forward? How are we treating ourselves in others on this journey?

Bringing It All Home: The Universal Message

Now, let’s look in the mirror. In your heart, you might see yourself as Batman—the brooding hero of your story—or perhaps you feel like the perennial victim, always trapped in the Joker's schemes. But here’s the hard truth: we're all a mix—Batman, Joker, victim, and yes, sometimes even the aggressor.

Most of us lean more toward the Joker or the aggressor than our egos would like to admit. That’s not an accusation; it’s a wake-up call to self-awareness. Recognizing this can be the first step toward personal growth and improved interactions with others.

So, take these lessons to heart or not. It's your life, live it how you want! Cheers! ??