The 3 Lessons I’m Glad I Learned the Hard Way: Part 2 of “I Beg You to Fail”

This is not your typical “things I wish I learned in my 20s and early 30s” article. I am not here to try and course-correct you or even myself.

But why? Shouldn’t advice be given so that I don’t fail? So that I avoid all the things that people wish they didn’t do, and then live a picture-perfect little life?

Nope.

Nope.

Nope.

As I near the 12th anniversary of entering the professional world, a certain circumstance - or rather, series of circumstances - are forcing me to face a few things. They’re not light, and certainly not for the faint of heart. But as a curious person dedicated to evolving, I’ve discovered that transformation can be a double-edged sword. To bottom-line it, I’ve learned quite a lot in 12 years that I’m glad I figured out the hard way. It’s made me a more conscious, compassionate, present version of myself.

“Power, time, gravity, love. The forces that really kick ass are all invisible.”― David Mitchell,  Cloud Atlas

You’ll see how that David Mitchell quote applies in just a bit.

I’m going to present each of these three statements to you as a lie. It’s in similar fashion to how Rachel Hollis so brilliantly and honestly wrote, “Girl, Wash Your Face.” I hope that as you cross into your next decade of work, remember that the path you’re on is indeed the right one. You didn’t make any wrong turns! So please, fail and forgive yourself. Let go. Let life have its way with you and become better for it and stronger by it.

Truth or Lie #3: If you’re comfortable and doing well where you are, don’t shake things up. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Right? I mean, I know that my friends working at this other company have been there for 8 or even more than 10 years. They’ve got it pretty good.

Lesson #3: Wrong.

Oh, my, goodness, get comfortable with the uncomfortable. Don’t be like everyone else. Shake things up if you fancy that. Make mistakes while you do it and learn from them. Just because somebody else is on what appears to be a straight line (we’ll get to why that’s a fallacy in a bit) doesn’t mean your path should follow the same trajectory.

I learned the most when I recognized I was comfortable. You know the feeling. It almost feels a little too good to be true. Go ahead and stay there. But in my experience, that’s a path towards the same old story. Remember, this is written from my perspective and is not an attempt to impose the beliefs of anybody else. Just had to add that big asterisk.

One of my most trusted mentors - several, actually - told me to take bigger leaps of faith. To take more risks. I’m not saying you should throw in the towel and hop around every few months when you feel like you know your way around the office coffee machine, but do not limit yourself to one corner of a room. In a decade, you’ll only know that corner. It could very well be demolished by a layoff. An illness. A moment in your life that you cannot forget.

I’m not encouraging the onset of paranoia, but just recognize that our workforce isn’t what it was 10, 20 or even 30 years ago. Things. Are. Different. And that’s how they have to be.

So do this: find your footing, and then let the ground get ripped up from under you.

Truth or Lie #2: All of my friends have so much money in the bank. They’re successful, and have means to live so freely. I’m in my 30s and I don’t feel that freedom. There must be something horribly wrong with me.

Lesson #2: Oh so totally wrong, with all caps if shouting wasn’t rude.

I’m going to dissect this demotivational statement and tell you why I need you to stop believing this. If you still believe it, disengage from social media and anything else that makes you feel less in your power.

“All of my friends have so much money in the bank.” - All of them? Really? What defines “so much?” And is it in the bank? Are you sure that, like many of us, they don’t have debt? They haven’t overspent? They haven’t had the extremely grateful opportunity to lean on their family for the same decade or more of support? Let’s get real. And they have the means to live so freely? That’s cute.

• 57% of Americans have less than $1,000 USD in their savings accounts. If you’re thinking, “I’m glad I’m not part of that 57%,” I don’t want to know you. Take the arrogance elsewhere. Really. Unfollow and defreind me.
• If you are part of the 1%, wake up. Seven in 10 families with “fortune” will lose that by the second generation.
• Lastly, 1 in 3 Americans has less than $5,000 USD saved for retirement. Go easy on yourself. It’s paper. Trust me, it will never buy you happiness.

“There must be something horribly wrong with me.” - Negate that sentence, please. I can only say that because I have been there. In fact, I could very well be there right now. Things happen. Yes, budget conservatively and learn from your missteps if and when you overspend, find yourself in a hole, end up in the parking lot of Home Depot crying on the phone (I’ve been there too, I’m not afraid to show humanity). Pace in circles. Sleep at odd hours. Do what you have to do to work through a solution. You’ll get there, but please: there is nothing wrong with you.

Even the people who feel most protected will face hardships. It’s a part of life. It’s also a part of learning. Do you think a beautiful butterfly transformed as such? No. It was a freaking caterpillar, and I bet it wasn’t an image you wanted to frame on your wall while you worked out the whole “where did I turn left instead of right” thing in your head. Just stop.

I’m a scenario plannner by virtue of my work. I can run scenarios all day and what I can tell you is that no matter how many variables you plan for, you’ll always have a blind spot. Nothing can protect you from that. Not even yourself. You have to stand right in that blind spot and metaphorically (please, not physically) let yourself get slammed. Learn from the missteps. And for the love of humanity, stop comparing yourself to others. They have blind spots too, and we are all here for our own unique and brilliant journeys.

You may be thinking that I wrote this hypocritically. If we are friends in real life, or if you follow my Instagram or see my geotags on Facebook, you’re probably thinking, “Who the hell is she to be talking about this?” Guess what, nobody’s perfect. Every cent I pay towards paying off my own traveling bills is money I am giving back to myself. Yes, even the stupidity of credit card interest. I hate it, trust me. But I am fortunate to have lived my life my way - on my accord - with the support of people I love and respect. Personally and professionally. It doesn’t mean that it hasn’t come at significant cost. I truly believe that our experiences make us more humble and we recognize a version of this in due course.

Truth or Lie #3: It’ll never be this good again. That was as good as it got, and I wish I could turn back the clock to the exact moment where I made this decision and change it.

Lesson #3: I’m cringing as I just wrote that. I mean really, regret is equivalent to a four-letter word said in front of a child IMO.

Thoughts such as, “oh, this person stayed on this course and got a promotion and so many bonuses,” or “but look at this person. What a life they must lead.” Please, can we remove these statements from our brains and turn them into mush? Thank goodness we’re not all on the same path or have the same experiences.

Getting technical here. Time is linear. Is it? Let’s have a little history lesson.

In 1905, Einstein concluded that our laws of physics are the same and that the speed of light was, to simplify things, the same. This was the theory of “special relativity.” It introduced a new framework for all of physics and proposed new concepts of space and time. History is cool, isn’t it? But do you think Einstein figured this all out during a hypothetical internship? LOL.

Then, he spent 10 years trying to include acceleration in the theory and published his theory of general relativity in 1915. In it, he determined that massive objects cause a distortion in space-time, which is felt as gravity. Newton might have believed differently. And scientists continued extrapolating the concept of special relativity (more here if you enjoy nerding out as much as I do).

So, what does that mean? Can I go back in time?

Funny you should ask. NASA is exploring it. I do mean that - but no, of course we can’t go back in time at this present moment that this article is written (another caveat in case this lives on until, oh, the year 2299).

The bottom line: It’s going to take time for you to come to terms with all choices you make, the ones that make you feel great and the ones that may make you feel the opposite. It’s easier said than done, but if you can, allow yourself a minute right now to just be where you are. Go a little easier on yourself. Set a timer on your iPhone or whatever device is within arm’s reach, because I’m fairly certain you, like myself, are among the people who check their phones an average 80 times a day. That’s once every 12 minutes.

What’s the final message? It’s simple, but not easy. Just be where you are, with what you have. Oh, and if someone hasn’t told you this yet, you’re doing a great job. Even if you cannot see or feel it.

*The views expressed in this article are solely mine and do not reflect, nor are they intended to reflect, those of my past, present or future employers, employees, colleagues and any and all business and non-professional associates.

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Sasha Gruber is a senior-level healthcare communications professional with a pure background in science, pharmaceuticals, investigational therapeutics, public health, disease awareness, patient advocacy and regulatory matters among others. She is driven by causes that detrimentally affect the health and safety of our present and future populations. She has studied in New York and Madrid, Spain, earning a degree from the S.I. Newhouse School of Public Communications with triplicate concentrations in Public Relations, Psychology and Spanish Literature and Culture. She has extensively studied neuroscience, mental health, cardiology, immunology, oncology, dermatology, hematology and complex rare illnesses.

Sasha has worked in California, New York, Europe and will soon begin working in the United Kingdom. She would like to thank her family, mentors, managers, colleagues and friends for just about everything. Really though, everything.