3 Lessons Learned From a Leadership Retreat with my Son During Covid

For resilient followers to become resilient leaders, you need to get out of their way so they can learn, grow and lead.

Almost 20 years ago I started an annual tradition of a fathers and kids camping trip to Algonquin Park in Ontario, Canada. At its peak, we had 7 dads and 15 kids on our annual camping trip. The kids were split between boys and girls ranging from 4 to 21 years old. For the most part, we were car camping and we never ventured more than an hour's paddle into the park so what I was about to experience over a 4 day interior trip with my son was going to be scary, exhilarating and a true test of leadership!

Legacy

Back in 2002, I took my son Warren into the interior of Algonquin Park. It was the first time for both of us and I made almost every mistake a rookie camper could make but I learned from my mistakes. The next year, my daughter Katelyn joined us and soon after the whole gang started coming along. The only catch was that we had to promise the moms that we would bring their kids back unhurt and alive. Fast forward almost 20 years and Warren who is now 26 is taking me deeper into the park than either of us have ever been before. Now it was Warren having to promise his mom that he would bring us both back alive. Warren is a more experienced camper than I ever was and if we were going to survive this trip and grow from the experience, I was going to have to learn how to get out of his way so that he could lead.

"I was going to have to learn how to get out of his way so that he could lead."

Resilience

Over the next 4 days, we would cover 60 km's to get from Canoe Lake to Big Trout Lake and back home. We would be traversing 18 portages for a total distance of almost 21 km's, pack and unpack the canoe 20 times and set-up and tear down our camp site 3 times. This was a working vacation where we would get up at 7am every morning and work for 10 hours to tear down, paddle and set up at our next location. We had 2 days of solid rain that left us and our gear cold, wet and for one of us, at a breaking point. If there was ever an exercise in resilience and an agile decision making process, this was it and the lesson learned was that resilience is 90% mental and 10% physical.

Leadership

Warren's goal was to get to Big Trout Lake, farther into the park than he had ever been before and prove to himself and to me that he could do it. The only way you get this picture of the portage sign on Big Trout Lake is by doing the work. Much like the real world, there are no shortcuts. My role was to be a willing follower and see what kind of a leader I had raised. I didn't look at the map even once. I didn't pack any of the gear or get involved in the planning. I did help with the prep cooking before the trip but that was only after getting instructions on how to prepare the food first. I was committed to being a good follower.

Getting to Big Trout Lake is no easy trip under the best conditions and given the 48 hours of rain we experienced, the adversity and challenges we faced, this quickly became an exercise in survival and agile decision making. We were reminded on the morning of day 2 just how real this experience was as we passed another canoeist who was being medevacked out of the wilderness due to a broken ankle. Fortunately, his traveling companion had a GPS phone to call for help but without that technology, one simple mistake could lead to a life or death situation.

The rain on day 2 started early in the morning and despite a few short breaks, we had given up on trying to stay dry and instead focused on making good decisions. We made it out to Big Trout Lake in 6 hours and despite my feelings at one point that we were seriously lost in the wilderness, I didn't show my fear and my confidence never waivered. I just kept asking better questions that helped reinforce Warren's decisions. If we were going to make it, we were going to have to communicate well and work together. When it comes to leadership, there can only be one leader and on this trip there was no room for bickering or leadership challenges.

Reflection

At the end of day 2, I thought it would be a good time for reflection. I asked questions like what was your best and worst moment of the day? Clearly Warren's best moment was arriving at our destination on Big Trout Lake but when it came to his worst moment, he started apologizing for losing his cool during one of the tougher portages. I told him there was nothing to apologize for, reaching what you think your breaking point is and then pushing through is how we learn and grow to find out what we are really capable of. I learned that lesson as an Ironman and as a mentor, my role was to help Warren see how to push through barriers to learn and grow. You don't wish for every trip to be this hard but doing it and surviving let's you put that memory in your minds memory bank and you can make withdrawls on that deposit whenever things get hard again in the future.

Day 3 started out dry as we began to make our way back home. It was planned as a shorter recovery day so that we could tackle one of our biggest challenges which was a long portage called the boulder garden with fresh legs and mindset in the morning. At 11pm that night, the rains returned and they didn't let up until we finally made it back home to Canoe Lake the following day. This time through the boulder garden, the thrill of reaching goals was gone. All we had in front of us was 6 hours of hard work and a cold wet rainy trip back home (adversity at it's finest). To take our minds off of the current misery, we talked a lot about future trips he had planned with his friends for later this fall. These guys are not experienced campers so I asked him questions about risk management and his decision making process for when the days would be shorter and the weather could be seriously colder.

"We learn by doing and receiving feedback."

As adults we learn by doing and receiving feedback, not by being told what to do, so learning can only take place if we stop to look back and reflect on our experiences. What started out as a fun father and son camping trip 20 years in the making quickly became an exercise in mentoring, leadership, resilience and possibly even survival. As we were walking back through the boulder garden after first carrying our canoe and then going back for our gear, I was walking behind Warren and I could see him clenching and unclenching his fists. His demeanor had changed and he was getting angrier by the moment about the current situation. I was able to distract him by asking him to reflect on what changes he could make to his equipment or planning to make the portages shorter and easier. I knew Warren knew the answers but by asking questions and actively listening to the answers, he talked his way through his decision making process which allowed him to personally learn and grow, becoming more confident and competent with his decisions and helping him move past this difficult moment.

This trip was never meant to be a lesson about resilience or leadership, it started out as a continuing legacy camping trip in Algonquin Park which began almost 20 years ago. Because of the adversity we faced, it quickly became much more. I believe that the best leaders inspire those around them so that one day the student can surpass the teacher. I believe that's the desire of every parent and every great leader in business which is to hire great people, teach them, inspire them and watch them grow. If we're lucky, they will surpass us in every way. Our challenge as mentors, leaders and teachers is to put our ego away so that our followers can have the room to learn and grow.

What have you learned or what can you add to develop emerging leaders? Let's continue the conversation about resilience and leadership in the comments below.

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