The 3 lessons in confidence that got me my book deal ??

Welcome to Quick Confidence! This weekly letter delivers a spritz of stories, tips and simple actions that will build your confidence and your power. Each quick tip bolsters confidence in your body, mind, and relationships so you can lead yourself and others to greatness.?

This past June, two days before heading to Greece on vacation, I received the best news I could have asked for…I got a book deal with Wiley!

Can you say excited?! Even when I think about it today, I feel like I could burst. ??

But the truth is, the road to this point was not an easy one. I endured 8 months of “No thank-you” letters and “Close, but not good enough” emails to my previous book proposal.

Eventually, the relentless rejection took its toll on me, so I retreated to lick my wounds at the beginning of 2022. (Shout out to Sara Lee pound cake and Smartfood popcorn for getting me through?????).

As my ego recovered from the sting of rejection, I was able to think clearly again and I came to an important realization: I needed to change my approach.

So, I went back to an editor with the idea to turn this newsletter, Quick Confidence, into a book. And you know what’s worth noting? It’s a concept I was more passionate about than my initial book idea...that got me nowhere.?

And guess what? The idea was a hit! Wiley quickly embraced it, and accepted my book for publication in Spring 2023!?

As I work on my book today, I can’t help but reflect on the valuable life lessons the last year has taught me. One of the most salient takeaways was that rejection, denial, and dismissal did NOT mean my story was over.

I used today’s Quick Confidence tips to turn my book rejections into an opportunity for self-improvement and passion. And I will continue to use them so that rejections no longer sabotage me for months on end!?

Whether it be a job opportunity, a business pitch, or a relationship, I hope you’ll try out these techniques for bouncing back from rejection in a resilient way.

Quick Confidence Tips to for Reframing Rejection:

1. Embodied: Don’t be so quick to speak in declarations. After a rejection, pay attention to your language (even the words in your head that you don’t say aloud!). In the aftermath of my initial book proposal rejections, I found myself depressed, saying sweeping statements, like: “I can’t publish a book” and “I will never write another book!”. Here’s what I started to figure out: those conclusions were not only untrue, they were damning and unhelpful. In fact, after thinking those thoughts, I literally felt heavier and slower! So any time you hear yourself using negative absolutes like “I never…” “I always…’ or “I suck at…”, you need to check yourself! Try a growth-mindset-oriented approach instead, like: “I’m on my way to learning X”, “I haven’t conquered X quite YET” or “I’m building my comfort with X”.
2. Mindset: Double-down on self-compassion. “I’m an idiot to think I ever could’ve gotten that job.” Have you ever said something like that after being rejected? Instead of reacting to your “failure” with disgust, self-blame or judgment, do *the opposite* instead. Even if it’s counterintuitive! It’s more effective to acknowledge your hurt and then bathe yourself in kindness and compassion than to condemn yourself for the perceived loss. You can buy yourself a little treat to say “Good try”. Or have a special night-in to pamper yourself with a yummy dinner to tell yourself “You’re going to be ok”. Self-compassion might seem like an indulgence to some, but research shows it has a positive effect on anxiety and depression and makes us more likely to bounce back from failure and less likely to procrastinate.
3. Interpersonal: Use your self-belief as a propeller. We all learn as little kids that it’s important to admit when we’re wrong. But what about when we know we’re right? When you’re certain something will add value, I urge you to commit to it! Better yet, have an unshakeable belief in it. That doesn’t mean you don’t listen to other people’s input or revise your plans when necessary. But you should believe in what you’re doing enough that you’re willing to fight for it. As Burt Rutan, the man who designed and built the SpaceShipOne vehicle that won a $10 million prize said, “The day before something is a breakthrough, it's a crazy idea.” If you intrinsically know that you have a good idea – that you’re onto something powerful and value-adding – people will catch up. But this step requires you to go back and ask people again and again. Or to edit your approach and propose it somewhere else. Don’t mimic the stance of your rejectors! Instead, make up your mind to take a firm stand and back your idea.?

Practicing these techniques consistently will allow you to see rejection and setbacks as the tools for professional and personal growth that they actually are.?How would we ever improve at these crucial life skills if we never got the opportunity to practice??

As author Mark Manson puts it, "Who you are is defined by the values you're willing to struggle for.”?

Now that’s how you reframe rejection!

How have you used rejection to level up your emotional resiliency and create your desired (or better) outcome? Tell me about it down in the comments!

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