3 Leadership Lessons from a Life-Threatening Illness (L1)

Thirty-five years ago, lab work for a life insurance policy revealed I had “liver issues.” Although my father died from liver disease at age 47, I didn’t take it seriously until a year ago when I started to lose my appetite, weight, muscle, and mental acuity. It was not long before I was accruing hospital room points instead of Marriot Rewards. Not long ago a colleague of mine at UCLA asked if I would be willing to share what I learned from my experience in a leadership development program. As I reflected, it occurred to me that a lot of what I learned related to leadership. As my health continued to deteriorate, I became more and more aware of my first lesson–I am not invincible.

Embrace Vulnerability

I love the topic of leadership. So much so, I did my Ph.D. in Leadership and Change. Long ago I discovered that leadership literature is robust with the topic of vulnerability and trust in relationship to exemplary leaders. A brief Google search results in titles like the following.

• Why The Best Leaders Know How to Be Vulnerable
• If You Are Not Willing To Be Vulnerable, Then Don't Be A Leader
• Why Vulnerability Is the Leader's Greatest Strength, Not Weakness
• Leaders Must Show Vulnerability in Uncertain Times
• How to Practice Vulnerability in the Workplace
• 7 Examples of Vulnerable Leadership
• Today’s Leaders Need Vulnerability, Not Bravado

I am a believer in the correlation between vulnerability and great leaders. Logically I understand that I am not invincible, but I had lived as if I were. As a leader, husband, parent, and professional, I reveled in being there to help and support others. However, I had not learned how to let others help me. When your children must shower you, feed you, and assist your every movement, it is humbling. I often found myself apologizing to my wife, children, nurses, and colleagues for the burden I had become. I have always talked a big game about how people appreciate and trust leaders who admit their vulnerability–but now I struggled to live it. When you apologize for your vulnerability, you diminish the efforts of others.?

I learned the people I felt responsible for embraced the opportunity to pick up the extra load at home and at work. Seeing my vulnerability inspired my family and colleagues to make a greater contribution. Friends from my golf club took turns driving me to doctor appointments when my family was not available. In a Harvard Business Review article?(The Best Leaders Aren’t Afraid to Be Vulnerable[1]), Janice Omadeke shares, “The point of being vulnerable is sharing the authentic parts of yourself that you may have otherwise chosen to hide or keep private. Doing so is a personal choice — rather than a skill — that we weigh every day. It requires the self-awareness to ask: Will being honest in this moment serve me? Will it serve others?” For me, it served both.

As a result of my experience, I worship nurses. They are amazing. I learned early that they couldn’t make their best contribution to my well-being unless I was willing to be vulnerable about my condition. When I ‘came to’?in the Surgical Intensive Care Unit after my transplant surgery, I told the nurse I had been dishonest about my medical history. I told her I really wasn’t allergic to bananas; I just didn’t like them. Our laughter became the foundation for many conversations. It created an environment in which I could talk about something I would never have admitted before–being anxious and overwhelmed with emotion. ?

Vulnerability is not weakness. In my vulnerability, I learned I was more influential than I thought I was, others cared for me more than I thought they did, and I have an incredible support system in family, friends, and colleagues.?

In what ways do you experience vulnerability?

The next lesson on the list is?Don’t Be Afraid to Be Assertive For Yourself. See you soon.?

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[1]?Omadeke, J. (2022).?The best leaders are not afraid to be vulnerable. Harvard Business Review. https://hbr.org/2022/07/the-best-leaders-arent-afraid-of-being-vulnerable