3 Lasting Leadership Lessons From My Father

I lost my dad, Charlie Murphy, way too early. He died of a heart attack at 57, leaving my mom and six kids, who were all devastated. My mom, a former nurse who worked at our local phone company in Connecticut, was suddenly a single parent of a large family, including three kids in college. She quickly became the sole breadwinner and “chief investment and financial officer” of the household. Meanwhile, my brothers, sisters and I were reeling from the loss of a fiercely devoted dad who taught us fundamental life lessons at an early age, and who supported us with his distinctive Irish-infused unconditional love and pride. 

Without a doubt, watching my mom struggle after his death influenced my passion for helping people with their financial future, including the particular needs of women investors. However, more than my father's death, it was the way in which he lived his life that influenced my approach to business and leadership. I’m sure that’s true for many of us. 

Loyalty and teamwork matter … A LOT 

My dad loved sports, especially team sports. He appreciated watching well-coached players come together and achieve exceptional results. Favorite coaches of the era included Vince Lombardi, Bill Parcells and Red Auerbach. In our house, he played “coach” to our rowdy bunch.

With six kids, there was a lot of rough and tumble and more than a few disagreements. That was inevitable, but my dad drilled into us relentlessly at an early age that while we might have fights, when we left the confines of our house we supported each other 100% without exception. Team Murphy was more important than any short-term gain. He even gave up big promotions because it would have required disrupting our lives and moving our family halfway across the country.   

That principle also applied to sports. It drove him crazy when kids – or their parents – focused more on individual performance than on how the team performed together. Loyalty and teamwork have been a foundational element to my approach to leadership. The people I work with at my company are my teammates, and while we have spirited and candid debates, we ultimately come together as one team and battle the competition, not each other. When you have exceptional teamwork, you achieve so much more – and it's more gratifying. I’ve learned it’s also essential at times of crisis. Groups of people who point their finger and run for cover (we've all seen them) don't fare well. However, those who have trust and confidence in one another and the strong support of their leader handle crises more effectively. 

Embrace the game and the toughest challenges  

My dad was an optimist who believed that hard work pays off and there's no substitute for excellence. He worked hard all his life, having struggled with the death of his own father at an early age. When the company he worked for went out of business, he became an entrepreneur. I’m sure it wasn't easy, but that sunny optimism combined with hard work infused his approach to work and life. 

He expected the same of his kids. It was crystal clear to each of us that if you really wanted to succeed – in the classroom, in sports, or at work – you had to push yourself to excel with passion. We didn't expect anything to be handed to us. You needed to embrace the challenges and the grind that comes before the glory. And he expected the same from his daughters as he did from his sons, perhaps influenced by seeing the examples of strong women early in his life. With his own dad gone, and he and his brothers in the service, his mom and sister ran the small family company trucking business – even driving the rigs themselves! 

Make a difference ... at the ground level 

My dad was a very gregarious guy, mischievous and full of life. And yet, he was always helping others quietly, without fanfare. He treated people with respect and quiet kindness regardless of who they were or their “stature.” He taught us that what matters most in life is who you are at your core – not what you’ve achieved. Can you be proud every day of your priorities and how you’ve treated people? Did you make a difference in someone's life? As a business leader, the real fulfillment comes when your business makes a difference for the clients counting on you, not your title. This is certainly true in my field of financial services. People trust our company with one of the most important aspects of their life – their financial future. I learned from my dad that this is both an incredible responsibility and a privilege that I take very seriously for every one of our clients.  

At my dad’s funeral I read a poem entitled “The Measure of a Man.” The poem asks "not what did the sketch in the newspaper say, but how many were sorry when he passed away?" If you make a difference in people's lives then you’ve achieved lasting success. 

So many of us have had our approach to business and life shaped by our parents. With Father's Day upon us, it's a nice time to reflect on the lessons of our parents and to make them proud by living those lessons.  

Views expressed are as of June 16, 2017. Unless otherwise noted, the opinions provided are those of the author and not necessarily those of Fidelity Investments.

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