3 Keys To Managing Workplace Relationship As A New Manager

Relationship in the workplace can be a tricky thing, specially when one gets promoted to a people manager position. The quality of relationship at work has a strong influence to our success. Let’s journey with Adam, who recently got promoted and see what he can do to build strong working relationship and how we can apply it in our situation as a new manager.

The quality of relationship at work has a strong influence to our success

It was a Friday afternoon. Bell called Adam into her office and informed him that he got the promotion. He was beyond excited! He can't stop smiling. The hard work for the last 3 years finally paid off!!

As his head of department, Bell then proceeded to share her expectation of Adam in this new role and informed him that he will be leading the team he used to be in.

He was still on cloud nine and confident that he will work well with the team since they have always worked well. To celebrate his promotion, Adam brought the team out for dinner.

After a few months into the job, he felt frustrated. While work is getting done, he felt the team were more cordial than friendly towards him. He felt they were not as close as they used to be. He reminisces 'the good old days'. Charlie, who he worked well as peers is more aggressive and critical towards him ever since the promotion. He felt Charlie of all people should appreciate him more considering he gave Charlie a lot of leeway. He didn't say anything when Charlie was late to work or didn't inform him when he did not come in to work. When Charlie scolded another team member in the meeting for making a mistake, Adam just let it slide. He suspected Charlie was a little disappointed that he didn't get the promotion. So, Adam tolerated Charlie's negative attitude in the beginning hoping Charlie would be back to his normal self, but that didn't happen.

Adam also had issues with Bell. She seems agitated and quick tempered more frequent with him despite being the one who recommended him for the promotion. He can't help to wonder if Bell might be regretting her decision to promote him.

Adam’s experience is common for many new managers who value relationship highly at work. They are committed to doing their best but often feel frustrated and lonely because they feel people around them don't understand the challenges they face.

Here are 3 keys that would make Adam's leadership journey less painful as he begin his journey as a new manager.

Key 1 - Establish a new relationship with the team

Every relationship has its demand and expectation. Just like a parent-child relationship. The level of interaction, dependence and need changes when the child becomes an adult. You would notice in situations where if the parent treat their adult child like a child, the friction increases. A child who become an adult would also want to make their own choices instead of relying on their parent. This is similar when a relationship evolves from a member-to-member to member-to-manager relationship. They need to realize the influence of their roles to their relationship. When Adam was a team member, all he needed to do was complete his assigned task and contribute where he was needed. As a manager, he needed to align the team towards the organization's direction, ensure his team has the resources they need, keep track of each members progress and work closely with members who have performance issue. The relationship he has with his team member can never be the same as what it used to be.

Adam needed to manage his own expectation and recognize the change. In this aspect, he needed to get used to the fact that his team member will have their own ‘internal joke’ about him that he is not purview to.

Recognizing the change in the relationship dynamic, Adam now needed to establish a new working relationship with his team. He should do this by having a team meeting and sharing his vision for the team. A leader’s vision drive them in the way they lead. It is created by their unique belief and values. The vision would allow his team member to have a sense of how Adam intend to lead the team. Adam should also share his working style and expectation of the team member. This is important for 2 reasons, first because the team member would have been used to their previous manager’s working style. So, when Adam does things differently, even though the intention was good, some team members would view it cautiously because the old way of doing things was part of their routine. We know people are creatures of habit and changing habit takes effort. Therefore, they would probably compare Adam to the previous manager’s way of doing things. Sharing his vision and his expectation is an effective way of establishing a new working relationship with their team and also communicate a new way of working, Adam's way.

Key 2 - Manage friendship proactively

While the promotion was Bell’s decision, often a person in Charlie's situation might feel the one who got promoted 'stole' their opportunity, even if this is not true factually.

While it may be hard to determine if Charlie’s behavior was motivated by Adam’s promotion, Adam should take a proactive measure to address it. It would be good for Adam to meet Charlie personally either over a drink or meal and share about his excitement and concern about his new role. Adam should broach the 'elephant in the room' about his concern how this promotion might affect their friendship which he values. It is important that Adam communicate how he feels that both of them are equally qualified for it.

Charlie may or may not share his feeling but we know emotion triumph logic so by making this explicit, it communicates to Charlie that Adam does not think he is better or that Charlie is less deserving. Adam should also share his new responsibility and how this differs from his past role. It would be great for Adam to acknowledge to Charlie that he is still figuring out how best he should lead the team and request Charlie to give him feedback on how he is doing as the new manager from time to time because he needs as much help as he can in order to perform his job well. From a psychological angle, Adam making this request helps him to be more open to feedback instead of viewing it as a criticism. The request would also demonstrate to Charlie that Adam values his insights.

The whole idea of this conversation is to let Charlie that he values their friendship but at the same time has a job to carry out.

Key 3 – Develop a positive work relationship with the line manager

Understanding a person requires understanding their likes, dislikes and challenges. Doing this as peer level is easier that with the line manager because with peers, ‘everyone is in the same boat’. We know when someone can identify with our challenges, we are more open to their feedback because we feel we can relate to them.

In Adam’s situation, as he will be reporting to Bell, it is important for him to understand Bell better in terms of her priorities, challenges and also deliverables. If would be good for Adam to setup a meeting with Bell to understand her expectation of him, what she feels might be some challenges he might face and also what are her plans for the department. It is important for Adam to come to this meeting with the intention of understanding her vision for the department and areas where he feels he and his team can add value. Understanding her situation would allow him to better align his team’s plan and priorities in a way that supports the department’s goal which is also Bell’s work goal.

We can expect Adam's journey as a new manager to be more positive as he applies this 3 keys in establishing and managing his workplace relationship with others.

I am confident if you apply the strategies Adam used, it would benefit you too. Feel free to share your thoughts, comments and anything else that comes to mind as you read this article.

Isaac is an experience leadership and organization development consultant. He works closely with organization to address their business needs from a leadership and culture perspective. He and his team specializes in developing new managers by providing them with the right mindset, manage their emotion and psychology in the new role, and equip them with the necessary skill to accelerate their success.