3 Keys to empower your team through constructive feedback

The authors of “Crucial Conversations” spent years researching what separates people with positive influence1. Their research revealed people with influence have three core traits:

• They get stuff done (they’re results driven)
• They have great relationships
• They’ve mastered the art of having tough conversations.

Have you ever put off having a tough performance feedback conversation – where you instead, hoped things would change - and they didn’t?

Putting off tough conversations costs everyone

Why do we hold off giving feedback??Stepping into uncertainty and vulnerability isn’t easy. No one see’s the world exactly as we do. Things aren’t always black and white and our understanding may not be 100% accurate.?We also want to be perceived positively. All these things make it easy to rationalise away our voice.?

Likewise, no one will want your feedback if you haven’t earned the right to be listened to. Your leadership example and the quality of your relationships – based on trust, respect, and how much you care - is the starting point for someone being willing to ‘try on’ your feedback.

Research from The Corporate Leadership Council showed that regular feedback outside a formal process, that is fair and accurate, is likely to improve performance by up to 40%.1

How do you shape positive mindsets around feedback?

Yesterday I had a coaching session with Liz. One of her new reports Jim was results orientated and enthusiastic, so much so, he had a habit of interrupting people before they’d finished speaking. As a consequence, Jim had already been branded a ‘know it all’ senior leader who shut others down when their perspective didn’t match his. Liz reached out to Mike, Jim’s old boss who shared that Jim’s habit was tolerated as he’d been defensive about receiving feedback, and was a top performer in other respects.

We don’t do anything that doesn’t serve us in some way. Jim got to take control, show his knowledge, share his input, and feel helpful. While Jim’s habit was working perfectly for him, his relationships and leadership brand were suffering. ?Jim’s ego and lack of self-awareness was surprising to Liz and she wasn’t going to tolerate this behaviour in her leadership team.

Liz knew her feedback conversation needed to be more than prompting him to not interrupt others. ?

While you can’t change someone’s mind, you can influence their thinking.

Regardless of where someone sits on the performance spectrum, they’ll be much more empowered to take the initiative, put the effort in, and create change for themselves when they:

1. FEEL psychologically safe

Ensure someone understands the conversation relates to their attitude and/or behaviour – not their character. People are NOT their behaviour. We all fear not being good enough. You can’t empower someone when their focus is on protecting and defending themselves.

Liz started off by validating Jim for the effort he was putting in, and sharing the importance of their working relationship being effective through having open and honest conversations that would benefit them both. She asked Jim for permission to give him feedback.

2. SEE a compelling ‘why’ for change

Someone needs to be able to see the opportunity for themselves in a way that answers the 'what's in it for me?' question. Their ‘why’ has to be intrinsically meaningful so the powerful questions you ask to shape their thinking matters - this is the real juice in a feedback conversation.

Liz asked Jim how aware he was of his habit? She asked him what he believed it took to work collaboratively, how he wanted others to experience his leadership, and his proof for knowing his team were genuinely following him. Her questions lay the opening for a co-created conversation to expand Jim’s thinking, so when the feedback was given with clear examples, Jim let the feedback and its impact sink in.

3. BELIEVE they have what it takes to change

Focus on their strengths and past experiences where they tapped into the resources and resilience they needed. Help them to believe they have everything they need to step outside of their comfort zone and move forward with your support.

Liz knew the conversation challenged Jim’s self-image. Jim embraced a wider 360 feedback check-in point during the next month aligned to two new leadership standards he’d created with Liz.

Bringing it all together

A person’s success in life can usually be measured by the number of tough conversations he or she is willing to have – Tim Ferris.

Most people want to know how they are perceived; even if it hurts, they’d rather know. That’s why empowering feedback conversations are a skill worth investing your time in.

Conversations that demonstrate you want to help people succeed matter much more than you being 'right' about the feedback. What feedback conversations have you been tolerating that you are going to have over the next week? I’d love to know.

1https://cwfl.usc.edu/assets/pdf/Employee%20engagement.pdf

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Toni Courtney is a leadership influence expert who works with leaders and teams to build core leadership capability. Email her at [email protected] to see how she can assist.