The 3 Cs of Wellbeing: A Return to What Matters Most

When it comes to being healthy, what really matters?

Most of our conversations revolve around the latest diet or fitness trends and losing weight.

But is that all there is to being well? Are we missing something?

We’ve learned quite a bit about what works and what doesn’t when it comes to changing behaviors and improving our health, but we often miss the most obvious ways to better our lives. Over the past decade, I’ve worked with dozens of companies to help support the health and wellbeing of their employees. What I’ve learned during that time is shaping my approach to the next phase of my career.

I've started thinking, talking and doing things differently. This new approach is rooted in three principles that will continue to shape how I approach the work that I do. I believe three things are necessary if we want to continue evolving as an industry and supporting employees to be the best versions of themselves - curiosity, connection, and contribution.

1.CURIOSITY

Think back to when you were a little kid. What one-word question did you ask repeatedly?

“Why?”

We were eager to learn, sponges for information and knowledge. We made few assumptions and approached each day as an adventure. Along the way, something changed. We became adults and were told it was important to have the answers or risk being viewed as incompetent.

But we need to start asking “why” again. We need to get curious.

Curiosity is rooted in “why.” Curiosity is about noticing without judging. It’s about exploring and being open. It's about searching deeper and seeking to understand.

A few years ago, I went through a process of getting curious when I was dealing with some personal health issues. For ten years I was on medication for acid reflux, but instead of assuming I had to stay medicated, I started to get curious, ask questions, and talk to integrative medicine practitioners. I experimented with my diet and began to notice what made me feel good and what didn’t. I’m happy to say that I’m officially four years medication-free.

It's easy for us to make assumptions instead of exploring deeper, especially within our own organizations. We make assumptions about why people are the way they are. We assume that if someone is not healthy by our standards that they must be lazy, checked out, or disinterested. We assume that putting a wellness program in place will reduce medical spend, an assertion for which we have little to no evidence. We assume that bringing in chair massages and meditation training will, in and of themselves, fix the stress, anxiety and depression that run rampant across so many organizations. We assume we can "get" people to change if we just pay them enough money and give them enough of an incentive, despite the evidence that that approach may do more harm than good.

We assume that all millennials want are fully stocked beer fridges and ping pong tables, even though we know they want so much more out of an employer.

What if we stopped making assumptions and started asking questions? What if we spent more time exploring why things are the way they are at our organization? What are the underlying causes of the stress, anxiety, depression, poor health, or disengagement in your workforce? What if our goal was for employees to be committed and engaged, not just merely compliant? What if your employees want praise and appreciation more than they want more perks? What if the "mean" executive is just lonely and not really the jerk everyone assumes he is?

Now, shift the conversation from your company to your personal life. Do you feel as vibrant, alive and healthy as you could possibly feel? If not, why? What might be at the root of it? Have you neglected your diet and stopped moving regularly? Stayed stuck in other people's lies about who you are and what you're capable of in your life? Are you disconnected socially and feeling lonely? Are you going through a challenging situation with your health or certain relationships that are affecting your wellbeing?

Whether we're talking about our workplace or our personal lives, if we want to be effective, we have to stop making assumptions and start getting curious.

2. CONNECTION

Business guru and best-selling author, Tony Robbins, has identified what he calls the six human needs: the need for certainty, variety, significance, connection/love, growth and contribution. These are the motivators that influence our thoughts and actions the most. Connection and love are the most important.

At a time when we are so digitally connected yet more intimately disconnected than ever before, people are craving authentic, meaningful connection. We are hard-wired for connection, connection that makes us feel known, loved, and accepted.

We can trick ourselves into thinking we're connected by looking at the number of Facebook friends, LinkedIn connections, Instagram followers, or contacts in our phones, but meaningful connection comes from spending focused time with people, often in person. 

Harvard Professor Lisa Berkman has studied social connectedness and longevity. She shared her findings in the Dan Buettner’s book, The Blue Zones, which highlights the common characteristics of the world's longest-lived people:

“Those with the most social connectedness lived longer. Higher social connectedness led to increased longevity.”

Connecting takes sacrifice and intention. It requires us to stop thinking about ourselves and focus our attention on others. It demands us to put our phones away when we're with another person. To say “Hello”, “Thank you” and “Happy Birthday.” To take time to notice people. To listen to their response when you walk by and ask them how they are.

I was at the airport recently and noticed just about everyone looking at their phones, whether they were in line at security, eating a meal, typing away on their laptop, or waiting for takeoff. I remember a time when we had to actually engage with each other during situations like that. We had to have real, face-to-face conversations with strangers.

It’s as though we’ve forgotten how to do something that was once second nature.

Connection affects us at every level. When I speak to companies and talk about wellbeing, I stress the importance of connection as it applies to each aspect of our lives. Connection to our food, where it comes from, how it makes us feel, and the impact it has beyond our plate. Connection to our body, whether or not we're tired and need rest, and which forms of movement bring us joy. Connection to each other - our friends, family, neighbors, coworkers, and peers. Connection to our purpose and how we want to grow and contribute.

I've worked with one of our clients to rebrand their wellness initiative with the theme, "Connect". Authentic connection matters. Make it a priority at your company and with your clients.

Looking for some ideas for how you can connect? To start, put your phone down and your head up. Spend time with those closest to you and with people you want to get to know better. Take a cooking class or go for a walk, hike or bike ride. Go to a paint night with a group of coworkers or friends; they'll often come onsite to your company. Get some friends together for a night of board games or lawn games or bring coworkers together for lunchtime games. Gather friends or coworkers for a potluck. Get away for a weekend with your spouse or another loved one.

3. CONTRIBUTION

Each of us wants to feel like we are part of something larger than ourselves. We want to know that our life matters and that we made a difference and will leave behind a legacy one day. One of the primary ways we do this is by giving back and contributing to others and our community.

In the book, The Art of Possibility, Rosamund and Benjamin Zander invite us to ask ourselves this question on a daily basis:

“How can I be a contribution?”

What if each of us approached the day with that mindset, with the desire to make our day about someone other than us? What if we were always on the lookout for ways to help or encourage someone else?

Research tells us we can benefit by a boost in our mental, physical and emotional health when we contribute to the greater good. People who regularly volunteer and give back have a reduced risk of depression and enhanced happiness and wellbeing.

Another way to think about being a contribution is using Tom Rath’s analogy of bucket-filling from his book, How Full Is Your Bucket?.

Imagine each of us is carrying around a bucket each day. We can be bucket fillers and fill other people’s buckets with kindness, appreciation, thoughtfulness, and encouragement, or we can be bucket dippers and take from them through negativity, cynicism, criticism, and unkindness. We have a choice. I choose to be a bucket filler.

SIG, the company I work for, does something incredible each year that gives each employee the opportunity to be a contribution in a way that is personally meaningful. For more on that, read this article about The Gift of Paying It Forward.

Look for ways to contribute, to give back, to volunteer. What causes are meaningful to you? Animals? Children? The environment? The elderly? The military? Homelessness? Education? Health?

If you want to learn more about volunteer opportunities in your area, check out VolunteerMatch. To connect your movement goals to supporting charities, check out CharityMiles. If you're in the Maryland area, reach out to Business Volunteers Maryland and Volunteering Untapped. You can partner with them as an individual or through your company. 

I invite you to spend some time reflecting on these ideas as they apply to your personal life and your company. Ask yourself this question:

What would it look like for you to approach each day with curiosity, a commitment to meaningful connection, and eagerness to be a contribution?

If this topic interests you and you'd like to learn more about it, feel free to message me. I now present these concepts to employer groups and at conferences and would love to have a conversation with you about it.