3 C's to 'managing' my mental health

May is #MentalHealthAwarnessMonth. It is awesome to have a month that calls attention to something that impacts every one of us, on different levels, every day.?

Yesterday was an amazing day for me. I trained up to NY with my wife for an in-studio ride at Peloton Interactive , with Christine D'Ercole (IamIcanIwillIdo), celebrating my 2,000th?ride. I’ve had a bike now for 28 months and have only missed 5 days ‘working out’. Fine line between dedication and fear – more on that later. We capped off the day seeing Bono at a small theatre. He is an amazing orator and storyteller, and what a tenor (if you know, you know). Alone time with my wife, great events and experiences – best day ever, right??

With the highs come some lows. It was absolutely a day I will never forget (and so thankful my best friend was with me), partially because I overcame. Overcame fear of crowds. I’ve never liked crowds or crowded spaces, so being on a train, in a theatre, even riding in studio with people close to me gives me major anxiety. It’s worse, post COVID. My heart races thinking about it. Overcame dealing with the unknown. New experiences are harder for me lately too. Over the last few years, I’ve grown accustomed to the simplicity and repetition of staying in a routine. I didn’t need to navigate new things like finding the studio, wondering if I come dressed or use the locker room, queuing for class, etc. Super small things, for sure. But a handful of them, when stitched together, can create a sometimes-overwhelming blanket of anxiety for me.?

I lead a blessed life. I have the best partner and co-pilot a person could ask for. My kids are amazing – kind, smart and funny. I do rewarding work leading a company that is focusing on impacting the lives of millions of students and teachers. We are surrounded by a great community. I have it all. On the best days, I can keep the plates spinning, with only a wobble or two here and there. But on the other days, most days, the wobbles are bigger and the occasional plates drops.??And for someone who grew up on needing and seeking perfection, this can be paralyzing. The self-doubt can be real, as is the FoFU (fear of f****** up).

‘Managing’ my #mentalhealth is a daily and intentional thing for me (and many). Every day, I am mindful of 3 C’s to better mental health:

1.?????Check the chatter. The most prominent voices I hear are often the handful that said the most hurtful things – the ones that said I was a ‘rookie’, that I wasn’t good enough, that I’d never successfully make the next step. While few, they take an exponentially larger percentage of space than they should. Much less my own negative self-talk, where I criticize everything from my physical attributes to my own abilities. Reframing those negative thoughts and speaking to myself with grace is the focus. I am capable. I can l learn this. I will make the full effort. I do make a difference. And I embrace positive feedback, and let it sit for a second instead of brushing it off quickly and not enjoying a success. I need to get back to journaling – writing it down helps me a ton. It allows me to process and sequence things. I have the pen. I own the narrative. I decide the words that matter.

2.?????Cease control. This is the most challenging one for me, as the guy who likes to ‘manage’ situations, be they a Board meeting, a customer discussion, the outcome of a baseball game, etc. I grew up learning if want something bad enough, you just need to work hard enough to get it. Maybe true when learning your multiplication tables, but ‘life’ is more complex.??Don’t get me wrong, hard work is critical; it’s table stakes. But shocker, you can’t have control of everything going on in your life. I coach baseball and we consistently remind the athletes to focus on 3 things: preparation, effort, and attitude. Were you thoughtful in coming to the game, are you ready to give it your all, and will you react positively when things unfold? That is what you control, and the rest is outside of your scope and capacity. Getting comfortable with this is a work in progress. While practicing this, I sometimes wonder if I am making progress or giving up. Meaning if I give myself some grace for not orchestrating the ‘outcome’, am I growing as a person and leader, or am I losing my edge. I hope and trust the former, as the competitive fire still burns.

3.?????Change the inputs. I know myself better now, and I made some tweaks to increase my chances of being happy daily. I am maniacal about getting 8 hours of sleep each day. I am better about eating smaller portions of healthier foods (pints of Chunky Monkey from time-to-time not withstanding) and exercise every day. EVERY day. When I have a 6 am flight, I ride at 330 am. I am not afraid of what missing a day will do (maybe a little), but I know my outlook is better when I’ve had a ride. Riding is my daily ass-kicks and affirmations. And yes, changing your point of view (literally) can help. Physically move (different seat or vantage point) and change perspective. Learn the opposing side of the argument to see if there is learning and a compromise position. Break the habit or routine.

It's a journey, not a destination, and I am learning to ask for help along the way. It’s not a sign of weakness to ask for help when there is resource available to help. Being too brave to ask, well, I hope I’m past that.??The amazing discovery for me is twofold: most people genuinely want to help if you let them (or are brave enough to ask) and we are all dealing with our own struggles.?

Here’s to progress and patience and enjoying the ride.?#leadership