The 3 C's of Confidence

Throughout my years of working in corporate and the many hundreds of clients I’ve coached, whether male or female, young or old,?CONFIDENCE?is a widespread topic.

However, it seems to be somewhat of a fallback concept. For example,

“If only I had more confidence, then ….?

… I’d be in my dream job.”

… I’d have more money.”

… I’d have better relationships.”

… I’d put myself out there.”

… I’d take more risks.”

And yet when I ask, “What is confidence and how could you get more of it?” the answers are invariably vague, or you get the inevitable “Oh, you’re just born with it!”

Now I was one of those people who would be complimented on my confidence, but inside I would feel like I was a fake because I didn’t FEEL confident.

So I got serious about wanting my?perceived?confidence to be?absolute?confidence.

And with the investigation and research, I did, the 3Cs of confidence resonated with me the most.

Firstly, I will say that the 3Cs of confidence rest on a foundation of good self-esteem.?So ensuring you have solid self-esteem is the first step (and yes, there are ways to do that – check out my ebook?5 Steps to Ignite Your SPARK ?and the?6 Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathanial Branden )

But back to the 3Cs of confidence which sit on the bedrock of healthy self-esteem.

Confidence is comprised of?COMPETENCE,?CONGRUENCE??&?CONNECTION.

COMPETENCE?

That’s your knowledge, skills, and abilities to do a particular task.?It’s the thing we’re most familiar with improving.?We go to school, university, college, work and improve our competence.?

The funny thing is that the more?competence?you get at any given task, the more?confident?you’ll become in trying it more often — and the more you’ll stretch yourself.

That repetition and stretching leads to more learning, which in turn gives you more competence. More competence then begets more confidence, and round and round it goes.

So when you’re considering your confidence, first ask yourself about your level of competence.

CONGRUENCE

The second C of confidence is CONGRUENCE.

Living in congruence with the best of who we are is one of the primary motivations of humankind.

At the core of congruence are questions about how we are really?living?our life, not just?imagining?it.

The drive for congruence forces you to ask yourself questions like,

“Am I being honest with who I am?”

“Am I trustworthy—true to myself and others?”

“Do I practice what I think and preach?”

Confidence comes from being truthful with yourself and others.

You have to avoid the little lies that can easily tear at the fabric of your character.

If you lie about the small things, it will be harder to be truthful when faced with the big things.

Your heart and soul want to know you’ve lived an honest life.

If you break that trust, you risk feeling incongruent and ruining your confidence.

Stand in your truth and tell the truth, and you’ll feel congruent and thus more confident.

CONNECTION

Our last C of confidence is CONNECTION.

We need to take it up another notch and learn the tremendous value in relating with others.

It is by connecting with others that we learn more about ourselves and the world.

The more you work with people, the more you learn about yourself.

And the more you work with others, the more you learn new ways of thinking, new skills, and new ways of serving, which also increases your competence.

Even if you don’t consider yourself a “people person”.

It doesn’t matter whether you are natural with others. What matters is,

“Do you want to learn from others?”

“Will you take the time to do it?”

“Will you genuinely try to engage someone and learn about how they think, what they need, what they stand for?”

If you can summon that curiosity and talk to enough people with that intention, you will gain confidence.

And the more connections we make, the more chance we have of building that supportive community that cheers us on and boosts our confidence.

So whether you want to increase your confidence in your career, or your relationships, or just generally, these 3Cs can be applied.?And if practised enough, will go a long way to building your confidence – because confidence is not a fixed personality trait; it’s a muscle you build through exertion!

Remember, you too can unleash your unique version of success!

Your Coach,

Stephanie