3 Breaths to Maximal Effectiveness in Speaking Your Truth

Many ‘self-help’ articles tell you what to say in difficult situations. However, these articles do not address how to attain the composure needed to deliver your message convincingly. Effective communication under stress is exceedingly difficult. So, being able to summon and maintain this state of consciousness is half the game. 3 breaths is a tool that does exactly this in a wide variety of stressful situations. This tool invokes three fundamental skills: 1) awareness; 2) grounding; and 3) presence. Together, these skills help facilitate a state of relaxed-readiness which is foundational for achieving your maximal effectiveness. But paradoxically, these skills also help to conserve energy through economizing the expenditure of effort, in other words, doing more with less. 3 breaths can be used in the middle of an argument, while taking a test, just prior to speaking publicly, at a job interview, while making a business pitch, after getting cut off in traffic, in an interaction with a police officer, or when putting together an Ikea bookcase ??. When you are stressed, the action you choose to take and how effective it is, depends on being within a target window of emotional activation. Too much, and you lose articulate and rational thought, creative problem-solving skills, and ability to clearly voice your position. Too little, and you can lose empathy, compassion, aliveness, and motivation, as well as collapse into yourself and lose the ability to speak up for yourself. Although this tool is not as powerful as popping a pharmaceutical pill, it can help achieve relaxed-readiness without the downside of a chemical fix. Additionally, 3 breaths are accessible at a moment’s notice, anytime and anywhere. Last, it’s free; no purchase necessary and no equipment needed.

Trying to change or control emotional states can be difficult and the method abstract, especially in intense and stressful situations. However, the body, and especially breathing, gives us a tangible medium to work with in managing emotions. I am not suggesting stuffing or denying emotions, but rather bringing them into the target window. At the very least this can help prevent you from doing or say something you later regret. At best, you can channel emotional activation into something productive and creative.

Kindly note that this is not a tool for winning or proving yourself to be right. Rather, it is a tool for showing up fully, being in rational control of your person, maintaining healthy boundaries, engaging in creative problem solving, and having an empowered voice in situations where you need it most. If all this sounds good to you, let’s get started because there is a great deal packed into this 30 second tool. It will take practice to get to the place where 3 breaths is on automatic piolet, but the effort is well worth the results.

First, an overview. Each of the 3 breaths have a separate intent that progressively build upon each other. The first breath provides a simple wakeup call to become re-aware, ‘I am a breathing’ with the passive intent of putting you in touch with the vitality and aliveness running throughout your entire body. The second breath brings awareness to a sense of being grounded. The second breath utilizes a visualization of a powerful symbol of grounding, such as a 300-year-old oak, allowing you to embody what it would feel like to be that oak. This evokes a visceral sense of emotional stability, confidence, and steadfastness. With the third breath, you establish an expanded presence. The axiomatic belief that undergirds presence is, “I have an absolute right be here, to be alive, and to take up the space I occupy, to choose what I may, and to voice my opinion”. And lastly, with the exhale of the 3rd breath, you breathe out any remaining anxiety and doubt.

Please understand that the feelings and beliefs of 3 breaths are affirmational. That is, the intent is a movement toward embodying these feelings and beliefs over time with practice until you can evoke them with minimal effort.

Now for the details. Once you get this routine on autopilot, 3 breaths will take minimal effort, but at first you will have to put in the work to learn and practice the details. All three breaths have specific foundational actions. They can be practiced either sitting or standing. I am not going to tell you to assume a comfortable position as many instructors would. What is comfortable is not necessarily healthy, functional, effective, or appropriate for a stressful situation. Rather, please assume a posture that frees your diaphragm. Loosen your waistband or belt if need be, so that there is no constraint on your belly. Arrange your spine so that it feels as if each vertebra is stacked one upon the other, like a needle pointed towards the heavens. Also, imagine a string attached to the top of your head with just enough tension to place your spine in traction. Next, utilize only the muscles needed to keep your spine in this position and your diaphragm unencumbered. There are surprisingly few muscles needed for this. Most of the time we are engaging several more muscles and by extension more effort than is needed (metaphorically speaking, this is also true of life in general). Once you find this position, continue to release any tension that is not necessary to keeping your spine erect and your diaphragm open; check your shoulders, face, and even your sphincter (hence the expression, tight ass). Mainly, you will be engaging the spinal erector muscles, which directly flanking your spine. Experiment with amount of tension you need to maintain this posture, since even these muscles do not need to be fully flexed to keep you upright. Remain open-eyed because this is likely how you will employ 3 breaths when using it in a real life situation. Shift your eyes to what is called wide angle or soft vision. Do not focus on any one thing, but rather take in the full field of your vision including your peripheries. This will help to engage the parasympathetic nervous system, a.k.a. the rest and digest system.

In taking each breath, utilize approximately 80% of your lung capacity by moving your belly outward to draw in air. As you inhale bring awareness to the passage of air through your nostrils; there will be a slight cooling sensation. Keep your lips closed but take care to relax the jaw and throat so as not to create tension in the respiratory system which can increase anxiety. Let the tip of your tongue gently touching the roof of your mouth about a half inch behind your teeth.

Now for the particulars of each breath. For the first breath, your intention will be to simply notice. No other expectations. Easy-peasy. This facilitates a movement towards present moment awareness and a passive shift toward a state of relaxed-readiness. Additionally, this first deep breath will provide the supporting benefits of more oxygen in your blood going to your muscles and organs. Notice your body, beginning with the whoosh of air through your nostrils and continuing down into your lungs. First the nose, then the lungs, the diaphragm, and finally expanding outward to the most distal bits, fingertips, toes, and crown thus saturating the entire body with awareness. Let this breath orient your attention to feeling your innate vitality and aliveness.

The goal of the second breath is groundedness. Like an ancient oak that has weathered countless storms, drought, insect attacks, and blight, this breath will help you to find your steadfastness. In human terms, this is the ability to maintain a sense of calm confidence that enables you to respond effectively to whatever may happen (within reason), even in a confrontational situation or a frustrating and difficult task. The second breath uses active imagination because of its power literally change your physiology and neurology. If you were learning to do a backflip, the visualization of being a butterfly vs. a lead ball can make a big difference. So, as you take this second breath, picture a beautiful old oak with a trunk of immense girth with leaf filled limbs outstretched to the sky, anchored by roots spreading deep into the ground. See if you can feel in your body the sturdiness of this 50-ton colossus. Imagine what it is like to be a 300-year-old evergreen. Breathe it in—the strength, the endurance, the majesty. Perhaps you can even go one step further by adding the imagined feel of fibrous roots coming out of your own feet, giving you an additional sense of being immovable both physically and psychologically.

To best understand the goal of the second breath, it will be helpful to first perform an experiment with a partner. First, take a should wide stance with one foot forward and the other back. Lean forward, but only slightly so. Stretch out your arms with palms facing forward. Ask your partner to push on your hands, starting gently and slowly increasing the pressure. Feel what it is like to push back, but without pushing them backward. Just push enough to stand your ground. Also, do not lean into your partner in order to push back. If you lean in with your shoulders forward, you become off balance, and if your partner were to suddenly withdraw their pressure you would likely fall over. So, lean in only slightly, just enough so that you can maintain balance regardless if there is pressure on you or not. This is achieved, not by using your weight to push or pushing from the shoulders, but by pushing from your center, that is your hips, maintaining a nearly upright spine (slight leaning forward) and a grounded stance. The goal here is simply to maintain the ground your body occupies and to keep a stable posture under pressure. Anchor this sense of groundedness in your body so that you can evoke it at will using the 2nd breath and its visualization. Last and most important, transfer this sense of holding your ground physically to holding fast to your beliefs with a stable emotional state.

The third breath is existential in nature; in other words, it is about your beliefs concerning your right to be alive, take up space, have a voice, and exist. Unequivocally embodying your right to exist is having presence. Many people have been implanted with a deep-set sense of low self-esteem and insecurity. This toxic belief manifests in two basic ways in terms of boundaries – poor boundaries or overreaching boundaries. The former group believes that their place in their family, their team, their group, or even the world, for that matter is tenuous. They greatly fear they will be abandoned, unloved, or incur disapproval if they speak their mind. So, they make themselves small and stay quiet so as not to take up space and are agreeable to reduce the likelihood of inciting someone’s anger. Growing up they were not shown how to have healthy boundaries, which is in large part an ability to say “no”. At the other end of the spectrum, the latter group has issues with overreach through assuming authority, intimidation, criticism, dismissal, and aggression. This is also a boundary issue where a person habitually encroaches on the boundaries of others in an attempt to exercise control. Both are born of an internalized sense insecurity and both keep people from achieving maximal effectiveness.

The third breath is meant to establish your body as well as the space directly around your body as sovereign. This entails honoring one’s own boundaries and the boundaries of others. This is also the foundation of holding healthy cognitive and emotional boundaries. Feel into the space within and around your body, that is a few inches below the soles of your feet, just beyond outstretched arms above your head, from outstretched arms to your right and left, as well as in front and behind. This is your space and you have an absolute right to it! If you are unable to own this axiomatic belief, even a little, you are not alone, and that calls for a deeper conversation involving skill building and healing work. As fully as you are capable, call this belief to the forefront and affirm it within your body. Much like the elder oak that is not only deeply rooted (the 2nd breath), but also has limbs extending into the space all around, having presence requires evoking a sense of your awareness emanating outward, expanding to fill in your sovereign space just beyond your fingertips, feet, and head. As you continue to practice this, it will support bringing about a felt sense of steadfastness and being self-possessed.

Because the third breath is difficult to describe using step by step instructions, I will instead provide a suggestion to evoke and practice manifesting presence. First, envision a person you respect and admire. Select a person who is comfortable in their skin, at ease around people, and seems to radiate a sense of welcome to others. This might be a character in a movie or book, but if possible, it is better to choose someone in your everyday life. Now emulate their behaviors, enact the way you imagine they feel, their presence. This way of being is the spirit of the saying, “Sing like no one is listening, dance like no one is watching, and love like you have never been hurt”.

Finally, with the exhale of the third breath, expel any unneeded tension. Too much tension and we become myopic. Yet, some tension is helpful as it puts pep your step. As always, practice will be needed to find and become familiar with your goldilocks’ spot—a state of relaxed-readiness.

So that’s the 3 breaths practice. There are many breath techniques for achieving different desirable states of consciousness such as the 4-7-8 breath for relaxation, fire breathing for invigoration, or Wim Hof breathing for warmth. However, 3 breaths is uniquely designed for attaining a state of relaxed-readiness suited to dealing with difficult situation while on the go. Please use it for good health and prosperity. May it serve you well.

Quick guide:

Stressful Situation> 3 Breaths> Relaxed-Readiness> 1) increased awareness, 2) groundedness, 3) presence> Goal: maximal effectiveness & maximizing potential