3 Big Things I Learned from Moving Twice in One Month

“I know a city can’t haze a person, but…”

I moved to Atlanta earlier this year and for the first couple months of living here, this is how I’d respond when asked about my recent transition. “Don’t get me wrong…” I’d say, “I’m so glad to be here, I just wish the “pledge period” would be over and the city would accept that I’m not going anywhere.”

That comment typically got a slightly confused laugh (and helped me make some new friends), but it’s one of those “just kidding, but seriously” kind of statements for me. I know a city can’t haze a person, but my move to Atlanta wasn’t a smooth transition (for example – I moved not once, but twice, within my first month here) and, combined with all of the other craziness that has ensued on a larger scale recently (cough, cough… I-85 collapsing…), I genuinely felt like I was being hazed.

So, months later, now that I’m confident the city would agree that I’ve sufficiently proven my loyalty is true, I’m ready to tell my tale... here are the three big things I learned from moving twice in one month.

Lesson 1: Trust, but verify (aka “always, always get it in writing, no matter what”)

The main reason I moved twice in one month is because my first apartment lied about being smoke free. Typically, I’d share this reason in a sweeter, less direct way, but after everything I went through… I don’t feel obligated to sugarcoat this situation: the apartment people flat out lied about their smoke free policy (or lack thereof) and it was a deal breaker.

Backing up a little for those interested in the full story…

On my tour, the apartment representative clearly stated that the apartment was “100% smoke free, the whole community.” This may not be a big deal for others but, because I am allergic to smoke and Atlanta has a number of smoke free living options, the only apartments on my list were smoke free. So, confirming this was as standard a part of my tour experience as was visiting the pool/gym/etc.

Now, because the move happened quickly, my boyfriend and I did it ourselves, with the help of some friends (again, twice – more on that in a moment), which wasn’t easy because I always live on the top floor. In hindsight, “hire movers” probably should be big lesson learned #1, but if you’ve ever done any moving by yourself, you’d agree that can go without saying…

Anyway, once the truck was unloaded and all that was left was what was in our cars, we decided to call it a night. The next morning, we came downstairs to unload the cars, but didn’t get far because we found a man smoking right in our path. These things happen in any smoke free community, so the question, then, simply became what should be done about it.

This is when things got interesting…

My boyfriend called the office to ask about next steps and the representative seemed confused – “I never said that – the apartment isn’t 100% smoke free; we don’t have a smoke free policy at all” was essentially her response. Because she continued on to say that if we wanted to move out, we’d “be breaking the lease” (and responsible for the thousands of dollars in fees that entails, as they didn’t have a written smoke free policy), we knew we were in for a fight.

From that point, it was a couple weeks of lawyers and living in boxes before we got the call. They were ready to let us out of the lease, with no extra fees. I was thrilled, of course, but had to work fast to find a new (better) place with availability so we could move ASAP.

Long story short…

I learned that, even in the South (where people seem even sweeter than you might expect) and especially when things are happening quickly (as they were here), you still have to operate on a “trust, but verify” basis. In this case, although I had the verbal confirmation, I overlooked the lack of written policy. I couldn’t imagine this would be something they’d lie about, so it didn’t occur to me that there might be an issue. I was wrong and I won’t repeat that mistake.

Again, if it’s important: always, always get it in writing, no matter what.

Lesson 2: The best time to do the right thing is right away

Although a month is a relatively short amount of time when compared to a 15 month lease, in the short term, it felt like an eternity to be stuck in this situation day by day and hour by hour (more on why this was the case in lesson three, below).

At the time (and, frankly, to this day), I couldn’t understand why my apartment community would want me to live there if I was so unhappy, especially as I brought the problem to their attention immediately. I had just moved in and neither one of us had much skin in the game yet… at that point, we could have just written the whole thing off as a simple misunderstanding (instead of a big, fat lie) and gone our separate ways without another thought (instead of feeling frustrated enough to, one, want to write this post and, two, know that I’d need to wait a few months before I’d be able to do so with a clear head).

Although I can’t imagine it would have been easy to move again on the same day, it would have gotten me out of the situation before the bad relationship taste got stuck on my tongue… before the negative feelings resonated enough to really stick with me… In other words, if they would have let me out of my lease on that first day or even in that first week, I would have gotten out before this became lasting memory and a lasting customer service problem (or, if I were a different person, perhaps a lasting PR problem too, like so many other companies are experiencing every day). Instead, forever, I will remember this particular apartment community and their management as one that’s not to be trusted or considered for future purchases or, perhaps more importantly, recommended to others.

You see – the beginning of a new relationship (“the honeymoon period,” as they call it) is supposed to be a magical time (the best time, in fact) and, after running my own company for several years, I understand that this also applies to business relationships. They say that you can’t make a second first impression and that more people will tell even more people about bad experiences than good ones… we’ve all heard these things before… but, what we may not have realized is that that’s why the way in which a problem is handled (especially a problem experienced during that honeymoon period) matters more now than it ever has before (considering the timing, whether it feels genuine or not, and the overall/end result).

Leaving a customer struggling with (or, worse, fighting against) a real problem is like a ticking clock: who knows where their breaking point will be? Will they tire out and give up or will their anger compound upon itself and provoke them to cause a big scene? This isn’t a risk I’m willing to take with my business and I was surprised to learn that it’d be one that this particular apartment community would be willing to take for theirs.

People always talk about doing the right thing, which (don’t get me wrong) is important; but, fewer people talk about doing the right thing right away. Through this process, I’ve learned that the timing matters, perhaps most of all.

Lesson 3: Eventually, disorder affects everyone – often in different ways

I mentioned above that I moved to Atlanta with my boyfriend. We’ve been dating for several years and are living together now, but this was our first experience of dealing with so much uncertainty and on-going chaos together. Although it was challenging to experience, looking back, it’s a super simple way to identify some major differences between us (that, I’m sure, will be helpful to note moving forward).

Two examples:

First, I travel for work, so living out of a suitcase (or, in boxes, as the case was in this instance) wasn’t a big deal for me. However, my boyfriend (like many others) prefers to feel settled in his surroundings and, because we weren’t sure when we’d be moving again, it didn’t seem efficient to me to unpack completely just to have to repack again, hopefully sooner rather than later. This was problematic for him, especially as he had just started working for a company that had given him the opportunity to work remotely, which meant that he didn’t even get to avoid the chaos of our move during working hours without going out of his way to do so.

Second, I’ve worked for myself for several years, so I have my own process and schedule (I work when I’m awake, often late at night or early in the morning, rather than getting up to go to work for the same block of time every day like most others); but, I’m also a fairly light sleeper, so I realize now that I need a space that will accommodate my preferred work/sleep schedule, without disrupting others in my household. More specifically, that means I need to have my own space that has a door. I didn’t realize how important something as simple as a door could be until my space (within that apartment, with the boxes, etc.) was in the middle of the open-concept kitchen. The problem was: when my boyfriend got up for breakfast at 5:30am, it’d wake me up. Not good, if I had gotten caught up in a project the night before and just went to bed at 4am…

Both examples (as well as a number of others not mentioned here) were good learning opportunities for me. Just like the old Snickers commercials show, no one is at his or her best when hungry (or “hangry” as they say) or tired or frustrated or otherwise out of one’s element, especially for long periods of time. Realizing that I may be making things worse because I experience disorder differently than someone else (and don’t immediately recognize that the way I want to do things – the way that will work best for me – isn’t also what’s best for them) is humbling, to say the least.

In the future, I’ll remember that eventually, disorder affects everyone – often in different ways – and work to see things from their perspective (while maintaining my patience) prior to jumping in with a solution.

Bonus Lesson: The second time you do something will be both easier and harder than the first time.

Upon reflection, one of the most thought provoking lessons I learned was this one and I think this lesson (perhaps even more so than the others) can apply to any big life changing action I take, so I’m including it as a “bonus” here.

This is what I mean:

Moving was easier the second time in that I wasn’t starting from scratch – I knew what to expect each step of the way because I had, literally, just taken those steps. I also had a framework to start from and lessons learned to incorporate for the process part of this endeavor (and, if you know me at all, you know how much I appreciate a good process).

On the other hand, moving was harder the second time because the stakes were higher – I had already failed once (and all I got out of the time, money, and manpower invested was a lesson); so, I needed this attempt to work. It was also harder because I had used up some of my best resources (I couldn’t bring myself to ask my friends to undo and redo all of their hard work… and, as we discussed, moving is nothing if not hard work) – so, I had to come up with more creative ideas and identify equivalent but new resources to tap into.

In summary, my experience made the process easier on my second attempt but the expectations I set made it harder. As I continue to challenge myself and to grow, to fail and to try again, these lessons will surely help.

Fast forward to now (conclusion)

In the end, I found an apartment that I love even more than I had expected to love that first place and, because of all of the drama associated, I think I may appreciate it even more than I would have, had I ended up here first. So, here’s to many more memories (and lessons learned), for me, here in Atlanta and, for you, wherever you may be! Please share your best lessons (moving-related or otherwise) in the comments section below.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Robyn Davis is a Speaker, Trainer, and Consultant who focuses on the strategies that work best for trade show exhibitors (vs. building their booths, handling their logistics, etc.) and related topics (like networking, relationship building, etc.). For more information about Robyn or her company, please request to connect with her here on LinkedIn, follow her on Twitter @Robyn_WINH, or visit the WINH website.