2nd Hand Stress, are we doing enough?

By Lindsay Garvey-Jones

Holiday Extras 

UnFunk Yourself 

Many businesses are embracing wellness & wellbeing and positive mental health whilst at work like never before, careful to look after those staff who are supporting the recovery from the last 14 months.

This is HUGE

My own view is that this is one of the best things to have come out of the last 14 months. It’s high on the agenda, makes complete sense to have employees who feel valued, listened to and appreciated BUT, this only works if it’s driven from the top down or, if like me, you’re what I call a “positive disruptor” aiming to be the change you want to see.

Most wellness and wellbeing is focused around nutrition, exercise, taking breaks and encouraging conversations and whilst this is extraordinarily important, because I know that we are heading for a mental health crisis as things start to unfold, we really don’t know how deep the suffering really is around people’s mental health, particularly in our young people.

This brings me to the conversation I really want to have as it’s worrying, the more I talk to those in and around our industry. Our own front line teams who have been helping and supporting their customers are at enormous risk from something which I feel is yet to be addressed within the whole discussion of wellbeing, 2nd hand stress.

This can lead to so many other issues, particularly for those who are already up against it at home trying to balance homeschooling, looking after parents, managing their own finances and so on.

When they have taken on the stress and worry of their customers over the last 14 months, customers who have been worried, stressed, shouting, emotional, upset, demanding and angry.

Are our teams across the UK equipped to cope with this. Whilst some are better than others at handling all of this, I feel our young people have been hugely affected because they’re unsure of how to diffuse situations, communicate effectively and it’s a lot to take on and can impact lives on a big scale.

We all have a duty of care to look out for our fellow colleagues in the industry. I know that our leaders and senior teams are exhausted from trying to keep businesses going when the landscape has been forever changing, so let’s take a lead.. 

So let me take you through a few things to try and explain! 

What the heck is 2nd hand stress? 

You may pick up on another person's emotions without even realising and start to get worried about it

It’s all contagious

Rushing, finishing others sentences, sighing repeatedly, slamming things, it all equals stress!

When we become aware of the stress that other people carry, sometimes it’s a signal that we too should be worried

2nd hand stress can be produced by our own interpretations of other people's behaviour. For example, parents who get overwhelmed can certainly transmit stress to their children and partners.

Stress can also make you forgetful, you can run out of the house and forget so much stuff, such as forgetting to tell your partner XXX which then results in XXX not getting done, giving you even more stress because you might feel like you’ve let them down.

When you’re giving off the vibe that you’re “too busy”, it prevents others from sharing what’s on their minds because they feel that their problems pale in comparison.

Good communication is everything!

It's certainly the the key to releasing stress but… 2nd hand stress often prevents again, any kind of communication from happening when it’s most needed. 

Worse still, we end up using a huge amount of energy in protecting ourselves during these stressful situations, this means as the ebay goes on, you can get more fatigued as a result and carry irritability or distracted thinking everywhere you go and negatively impact interpersonal relationships.

Ok so, strategies

STOP & THINK:

About behaviours

Look at it

Recognise if you’re being provocative or harmful towards others

Don’t put yourself into situations where there is a lot of 2nd hand stress created, crowds, heavy traffic, loud places

BOUNDARIES & HABITS:

The best way to limit the effects is to become protective of your own energy

Relax - take 5 min breaks every hour if you can

Stretch or walk for 5 mins

Mini meditations

Add in a load of funny stuff 

Breathe, try out and keep your preferred breathing techniques

SAY:

“It’s not about me, it’s all about the pressure which that person is feeling”

Don’t take it personally 

COMMUNICATE DIRECTLY:

This may feel a bit of a challenge but it will definitely help to get an understanding

Don’t be impulsive on a reactive message or email back

Spend time re-reading for your own tone, so you’re not causing any more added stress

DON’T LET THE LITTLE THINGS GET TO YOU:

Bigger picture scenarios can help 

ACCENTUATE THE POSITIVE:

Gratitude!!!!

Takes the power out of stress, you can’t be angry and grateful at the same time

DON’T SPREAD IT:

Reduce your own 2nd hand stress that you may be emitting, it’ll be less stressful for everyone around you. This will also make way for good communication

My endnote would be to encourage everyone to be pioneering in their team, workplace and business in aiming to manage stress and in particular 2nd hand stress and make it something you all work on together. Thank you for taking time to read my article today.