2B or not 2B

I’m not talking pencils.

Earlier in my life, well, actually up until yesterday, I had comfortably settled into/fantasised about the notion that I’m an algorithm, completely matrix-driven, fully coded. How else could I explain my lifetime inability to change some habits?

I have this code that says, “Don’t do it," and some errant junk code that says, “Go ahead, Desley, put that fudge in your mouth.”

But today, as I write, I reflect more seriously on the idea of being an “algorithm” shaped by the forces and scripts of one’s life and conclude that it’s natural to feel as though our habits are hardwired, especially when we struggle to change them. This concept of a “matrix-driven self” taps into the essence of habit and behavioural patterns—patterns that sometimes feel like they’ve been coded into our psyche, almost beyond our control.

But this idea of being “fully coded” is only part of the story. While some of our behaviours feel instinctual or programmed, they also respond to our awareness and intention and are adaptable in surprising ways.

Adult development theory, particularly Robert Kegan’s work, reveals that growth and transformation don’t stem from erasing parts of ourselves or somehow deprogramming the “junk code.” Instead, they’re about expanding our consciousness to hold multiple perspectives, including the junk code, and understanding that our conscious and less conscious motivations play a role in navigating life’s choices.

In this way, even if we feel like we’re coded, we’re not fixed. The capacity to observe ourselves—much like observing a line of code with curiosity rather than judgement—opens possibilities for re-coding, as it were. So, while that piece of code saying “Put the fudge in your mouth” might never disappear, perhaps as I pay attention to it, even a little amused by it, I can choose more deliberately how I respond.

The sense of being “coded” into certain habits, as though our behaviours are hardwired, resonates with established research on habit formation and the plasticity of behaviour. Charles Duhigg, in The Power of Habit, discusses how habits are embedded in neural “loops” involving cues, routines, and rewards. Duhigg writes, “Habits, scientists say, emerge because the brain is constantly looking for ways to save effort. Left to its own devices, the brain will try to make almost any routine into a habit, because habits allow our minds to ramp down more often.” This neural economy can lead to behaviours feeling automated, as though coded.

On the other hand, research in adult development and self-determination theory (SDT) indicates our potential for adapting and reconfiguring these habitual scripts. In adult development theory, Robert Kegan describes this growth process as a move towards greater self-authorship. In his book In Over Our Heads, he notes that “when people can look at the script they’re living rather than live it automatically, they move from being shaped by their thoughts and habits to shaping them instead.” This capacity to step outside habitual thought patterns allows for what Kegan calls “subject-object” shifts, where previously unconscious behaviours become observed and consciously chosen.

These findings indicate that while we may feel coded by our habits, our capacity for awareness and intentionality allows us to rewire, reframe, and ultimately make new choices that align with our values and sense of self.

Thought of the day.

I wish it were as easy as rewiring my code sometimes. Too much fudge, too much chocolate. I guess I‘ll have to be more aware, reframe, and make new choices. Nowhere near as much fun!

Sometimes, I wish I was code. Maybe I am….

What Have Others Had to Say?

“Habits…emerge because the brain is constantly looking for ways to save effort. Left to its own devices, the brain will try to make almost any routine into a habit, because habits allow our minds to ramp down more often.” Charles Duhigg, The Power of Habit

“When we can take the scripts we live by and make them objects of reflection rather than remain subject to them, we gain the freedom to shape our actions consciously rather than be bound by them unconsciously.” Robert Kegan, In Over Our Heads: The Mental Demands of Modern Life

Each perspective reinforces the potential for growth and change, even when our patterns feel deeply embedded. This reflects a balance between understanding the ‘hardwiring’ that drives us and recognising the freedom from increased awareness and conscious action.

Schedule a 30-minute conversation call with Desley here

SPEAKER PROFILE

For many years, I’ve been speaking at summits, industry conferences, and smaller bespoke events such as workshops and retreats across Australia and internationally. I’m known for masterfully connecting research and ideas to ease work challenges. Here are a couple of minutes from some recent speaking engagements.

Dr Desley Lodwick Speaker