29 Lessons from 29 years of life.

It was my birthday yesterday, here are 29 lessons I've learned in 29 years.

I wrote them as if I were giving advice to my younger self, so please don't mind it when it gets preachy. Please don't hesitate to disagree or ask for clarifications in the comments.

1. Nothing's more important than your regular workday.

While going on vacation is great and the weekends are nice, you do spend most of your days working. If you're going to be working on improving your life, focus first on the improving your regular days. That way, you build a life you don't need to escape from.

2. It's easier to be superb at 3 things than world-class at one, and often it leads to a better life.

This one I've been thinking about a lot. We're being pushed a lot to excel at one thing, which is good. But when you're at the point that you're trying to become the best in the world, you need to sacrifice countless other things, and you reach a point of diminishing returns.

3. My life changed a lot when I started to take a more balanced approach.

Currently, I'd say I'm top 10%, marketing skills, strength, bjj skills and income, while being less stressed than I've ever been. This has come from being consistent across the board for long periods of time, with little sprints here and there for rapid improvement. Sure, I'd be better at bjj if I kept living in the gym, or richer if I kept my agency. But I wouldn't have all my pillars in order and my life would be a lot more stressful. Being good in one area also helps you improve in other areas. A strong body, for example, leads to a clear mind.

4. Beware of zero-sum games.

Many people have asked me why I stopped doing BJJ in favor of marketing. The issue with bjj at that stage was that there was basically no money in it. Only the best of the best could live of it. But that meant that you needed to be top 3 in the world, with literally tens of thousands of people trying to out do you. Even if you're the 100th best marketer in the world, you can still make significant money while having a positive impact.

5. Surround yourself with experts, coaches, and mentors for the fastest process.

While I'm for the most part self-taught, exceptional levels of performance in any area have come from surrounding myself with people better than me. Legit coaches are often the best investment you can make, while many are willing to trade as well. That way, you can execute in line from the best level of knowledge we have, without needing to be an expert at everything all the time.

6. People can only give you what they can give you, be open to it, even when you're looking for something else.

Don't go to a spiritual leader for scientific advice, don't ask a scientist to give you meaning. Everyone in your life has something to give you, but you'll never be open to it when you insist they give you something else.

7. It's never personal. People will do things that feel like they're meant to hurt you.

But ultimately, it's always an extension of their personality and circumstances, they'd do the same to someone else if they were in your position. Don't take it personally.

8. You need alignment across the board.

One way or another, everything in your life needs to be pointing in the same direction. You can't hope to get where you want with forces pushing you in directions you don't want to go. If you want to run marathons, don't smoke cigarettes.

If you would like to work on your business 15 hours per day, don't get a partner that wants to binge Netflix with you every evening.

[Book recommendation: Happiness Hypothesis by Jonathan Haidt]

9. Most of the politics and disagreements come down to differences in personality types.

We like to think that we're logical people with some sort of special intuition for what's right and wrong. But when it comes down to it, we're mostly a product of our personality. That's why the big 5 personality traits can predict what you'll vote for.

[Book recommendation: The Righteous Mind by Jonathan Haidt]

10. Everything is in your head. Everything you can perceive, a model generated by your brain.

Even senses like touch, vision, and hearing are just your brain making something up based on the input and a lot of processing power. We perceive the world based on meaning, from your embodied perception there's not really such a thing as objective reality. [Book recommendation: Clarity by Jamie Smart]

11. Cold exposure is pretty neat.

I'm surprised it's taken me this long to get into it, but the first 3 hours after my ice bath I'm incredibly energetic and motivated. Way better than coffee.

12. Never stop working out.

It's way easier to maintain than to build. And strength is the best predictor for longevity and quality of life.

13. Let the people who want to do it, do it.

I've never seen success with forcing myself or anyone else to do things they would rather not do, even when they're paid for it. For most tasks, there are people out there just naturally doing them or interested in them, find them and let them do it.

14. Being close to your family is more important than your taxes.

What you do with your life and your day-to-day life are more significant than squeezing out every last cent. Ultimately, your loved ones are more significant than those zeroes on your ban account.

15. Don't be so open-minded your brain falls out.

It's good to be open-minded, many things in the mainstream don't make sense and aren't good for you. But in my opinion, it's not good to chronically and automatically dismiss everything that comes from the mainstream.

At the same time, there's an incredible amount of snake oil salesmen selling you anything from magic potions to get-rich-quick schemes. If it seems too good to be true, it is.

16. Focus on what you can control, skip things you can't.

In jiujitsu, for example, you'll see people freak out when they got their next belt early, they didn't get the training camp they wanted or their opponent is cheating. But that's not what hinders their performance. It's worrying about it and acting irrationally because of it. If you can change it, change it, if you can't why even think about it?

16. When all you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail.

In my experience, choosing the right tool for the appropriate job, is often more important than how good you apply the tool. No amount of tactics, hard work and buzzwords can save you from bad strategy and a lack of foundations.

17. Assumptions are the mother of all fuck-ups.

You know less than you think, and you're not that smart. We typically think we can predict events and outcomes, and treat experts as fortunetellers. But in my experience, the only way to figure out if something will work is to test it. Getting started is more important than being right.

18. The end-user comes first.

In business, but also when gifts or really whenever you want to do something for somebody, we need to focus on what it's lie for the person on the receiving end. Too frequently, we project our needs onto others.

Just this week, I was planning to make an overview on our website about all the competitions. But it turns out 16/17 people prefer to just have an overview inside the gym. I would have never ever guessed that.

19. It's not about what you said or how you said it, it's about the actual behavior change and increase in performance.

When we want to get a point across, most of us default to explaining it. Sadly, it doesn't seem to work usually. In effect, people learn best what they've seen for themselves. So coaches, consultants, and parents should focus on creating scenarios where our trainees get to embody the lesson that will move them towards their goals.

Thinking hard about something doesn't make it true or effective. A computer virus can make your pc work hard as well, that doesn't mean it's doing something useful.

20. It doesn't have to be hard all the time.

We often glorify hard work and being hardcore. While mental toughness is absolutely crucial. That doesn't mean every day needs to be hard all the time. I made way less money working 14 hours per day than I do now working 4/5ths, and my bjj improved faster in the last years than when I was living in the gym.

It's about finding the most effective way to improve, not about grinding it out when it just doesn't work. If every day feels like walking through mud, it's time to change something.

21. In general, things are rapidly getting better across the world, and it's mostly because of capitalism.

The media and social media are designed to make us click, “everything's going great” doesn't get many clicks. Still, the planet is getting greener, we've lifted a billion people out of poverty, and we've figured out how to make pieces of rock write essays on autopilot. Sure, capitalism has downsides, but in essence it's done been the most powerful engine for progress and improving life we’ve ever had. No matter what the propaganda machine tells you.

[Book recommendation: Enlightenment Now by Stephen Pinker]

22. If something's been done by people across the world, for all time, there's usually a good reason for it.

Culture, behavior, relationship types etc. have been filtered throughout the lived experience of everyone who came before across all of humanity's existence. For the most part, there are good reasons why we do things the way we do them. Don't be so quick to throw it away. Logic yourself out of it at your own risk.

23. What's the best-case scenario, really?

When deciding whether to make a jump, people often just go with the general emotion reflected at them by their surroundings. In my life, I've had the best success when I try to get a clear idea of the best and worst-case scenarios. Worst-case scenario from going to live in a gym for a year? Having to restart school a year later with some sort of injury. Worst-case scenario of not doing it? Living a life of regret.

24. Everyone has their shit to deal with, and you're lucky they even took the time to interact with you, so be nice.

Shamefully, it took me a long time to figure out how important it is to be pleasant to people, I thought the facts and being right were all that counted. But in reality, people remember how you made them feel more than the facts you brought them.

25. It's worth investing in long-term relationships, there's something in long-term relationships that you can't get from short-term relationships.

Whether it's a job, a friendship, or a romantic relationship, to keep it pristine it takes time and energy. It's always an active choice, you either choose to give someone your best or you choose to let it deteriorate. You can always walk away, but it comes at the cost of losing what you've built and having to start over.

26. Earn your knowledge.

There's a lot to learn from books, courses and instructional. But before you've actually tested the ideas and applied them in your life, this knowledge isn't earned.

I remember being at the gym with Max Lindblad, he basically had the full splits and pancake, unlocked through passive stretching. When another guy started to preach about how passive stretching is bad and doesn't work. This person could hardly spread his legs 90 degrees. He hadn't earned his knowledge, and had no business telling Max what to do.

27. Don't be afraid to demand more from life, but be happy with what you have.

If you want to be fit, have enough money, be good at something and have a great partner, then you can. I don't think we need to compromise much, but we need to be ready to work hard and reset when things aren't working out. At the same time, you could always be much worse off, so practice negative visualization to appreciate what you have.

28. When you're not sure what to do with your life, just do something.

Our natural interest is a powerful and mysterious force. Who knows why you're interested in something, and it's mostly beyond our control. So see what you're interested in naturally, see if you can make a living with it, and follow it.

29. Don't fall in love with potential.

There are a lot of smart, charismatic people out there with great ideas. And they might make you think, “if only this person got a shot, they'd be so successful.” Here's the harsh truth people's past behavior predicts future behavior, if they're not working hard now they're not gonna start because they get a shot. Don't get fooled by someone's potential, it can cost you years of your life.

Thanks to Vladimir Blagojevi? and Andrei Zinkevich for inspiring me to write this post and for allowing me to join their team ad Full-Funnel.