25 Years of Marriage Today - The Professional and Personal Backbone.

Today, 8th April 2020 marks 25 years of marriage for my wife and I. The purpose of writing this article is not to put our marriage on a pedestal, but to simply share our experience in order to encourage and support others who are either married or are contemplating marriage. We believe that marriage is the backbone to a successful society both professionally and personally. We are committed Christians and regular churchgoers who believe that our Christian values are vital in strengthening our marriage. This is not rocket science, neither is it a sermon but simply an account of what has worked for us.

Ecclesiastes 4 v 12: Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not easily broken. The Old Testament book of Ecclesiastes has no specific time period or author mentioned. Some biblical scholars would suggest that Solomon, who was King of the ancient nation of Israel and known as one of the wisest men to have ever lived, may have been the author of Ecclesiastes. However, there are other sources of information that suggest the writer may have been another person at a later period. In any case the theme of Ecclesiastes is clear in that the author, from the perspective of his own understanding, takes measure of a man, examining his capabilities. The author discovers that human wisdom, even that of a Godly person has limits. The author sees that man pursues one thing after another to satisfy his own individual needs and wants as if he could master the world and at the same time he overlooks what is really important. I guess that says a lot about the difference between a marriage that does and one that does not last the distance.

From our own experience, marriage is a battlefield - not husband against wife as the world would have us wrongly believe, but a battle for keeping the cord of three strands intact – Husband, Wife and Jesus Christ as the head. Anyone that makes any claim about us having it easy in our marriage needs to come and talk to me about some of the drivers that have led me to supporting Christian ministries such as Family Life, Alpha, ICONZ, World Vision or Christian men’s ministries namely Promise Keepers etc. Let’s face it, all marriages go through the two year and seven year itches. The real difference is when you both put measures in place to survive the two and seven year itches. Marriage will work when both of you are committed to making it work no matter what.

One of the best pieces of advice we were given was from a church minister. He strongly advised both of us to put all of our personal activities on hold for the first two years of marriage and concentrate on building our marriage by bonding to each other. For me that included forgoing an activity that was very near and dear to me - playing music, especially in a particular band. This certainly ensured that we survived the two year itch. Then just before the seven year itch arrived, we were led to attend a Family Life conference which immunised us from the seven year itch.

Never be afraid to admit that neither of you ever has it right. Only Jesus has it right. Also never be afraid to seek outside guidance together to build your marriage. The Christian Church and Para-church ministries are a great place to start. Consider Family Life or Alpha Marriage. The irony is that we will spend time or hundreds of dollars servicing our car so that it lasts 5 to 10 years, yet we often fail to spend time and money attending a valuable conference or on material to make our marriages last a lifetime. The Family Life Conference taught me more specifically about the cord of three strands in relation to how God uses our marriage firstly in spiritual warfare, to uphold marriage as a sacrificial covenant. Our marriage affects God’s reputation, so it must be an acceptable offering to God which is performed on our part by exercising faith in Him. Our response as a couple is to maintain our state of fellowship with each other by mutual appropriation of the Holy Spirit by faith. The conference also taught me that God has established our marriage for His purposes which are to: mirror His image, multiply a godly heritage, manage His realm, mutually complete one another and model Christ’s relationship to the church. God uses our marriage as an exemplar for accomplishing oneness in our holy union through accepting each other as His personal provision and through the establishment and maintenance of a renewed independent unit as a couple, an inseparable bond of commitment to each other, personal sexual intimacy, complete transparency through good communication and appropriate role modelling and responsibilities. Our response is to simply forget what lies behind and reach forward to what lies ahead as a couple, with the intention of allowing God to make our marriage all He wants it to be by loving and honouring each other deeply and re-establishing oneness whether in sickness or in health, in poverty or in wealth until we are parted by death. Love is far greater than just a feeling or an emotion. Often it means doing the right thing regardless of how we feel.

My wife and I first met in 1989. We both worked for the same organisation - a prominent bank but in different locations. We became great friends through that association. Not long after that we became neighbours, then serious, followed by a reasonably lengthy engagement and then marriage. The happiest years of my life have, without any doubt been the last 25 years of marriage, during which time we have gone from being on the bones of our backsides financially, to being reasonably comfortable, to then having some new transitional challenges to deal with and then to the challenges of owning and operating a company, yet we look around us and we see how The Lord has faithfully provided for us over the years. In our married life, we have travelled together to the United States, The United Kingdom, Europe, Singapore, Malaysia, Indonesia and Australia. We have bought and sold 6 properties, lived in 5 different houses, owned 3 caravans, built a Bach, owned 12 different cars and one truck and had 7 different cats. During our married life we have blown up 8 electric jugs and we are now on our 9th. We are on our 5th washing machine. The only appliance that has really lasted the distance has been the vacuum cleaner. Praise God that our marriage itself will last until we are parted by death. Church life has been a very significant part of our lives together, but more importantly has been our relationship with our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ and of course our family and friends.

My wife has stood by me faithfully over the years, has been there to share in the victories, but not only that, she has also been there to help me pick the pieces up and bear the burden when things have not necessarily gone to plan. My wife is my lover, my best friend, my ear, the first person I make my confessions to when I get it wrong, my strong support and my encourager. One of the greatest things a man can do is to marry his best friend and my wife is most certainly my best friend next to Jesus. I think words actually fail say how much I love my wife and how valued, near and dear she is to me. I thank my wife for being so wonderful and for 25 years of blissful marriage. May the Lord bless us with many more years of happiness together.

Phil Cullen