The 25 words that will impress a journalist (and help you to clarify your story)

Reporters in training spend a lot of time obsessing about one particular part of news writing: The beginning.

The first paragraph of a story – the intro – is all important.

It is normally a single sentence, presenting in a nutshell the story that you’re about to expand upon. And it's short. You don’t want it to be longer than 30 words, and some editors are adamant that it shouldn’t be above 25.

This is probably worth knowing if you’re sharing your news with a journalist – because writing a memorable intro of your own will help.

As I’ve said before, I would hate for anyone to feel intimidated at the thought that a press release has to be done perfectly. After all, making the copy sparkle is part of what a reporter is paid for. But as the writer of a press release, you’re at an advantage if you know something about writing an intro, for a couple of reasons.

First of all, it piques the interest of the journalist and encourages them to read on. They can tell that you know your onions, news-wise

And secondly, it helps you to be crystal clear about the story you’re intending to tell.

I’ve written thousands of intros over the years. For me, there are two kinds. One is the kind that pops into my head pretty much straight away and just requires a bit of refining. The other is the kind that only comes after many minutes of frustration, during which I tend to make some tea, slap my head and repeat: “Think! Think!”

But when an intro doesn’t come easily, I find it’s often because the elements of the story are not quite right. Maybe I’ve made multiple phone calls but haven’t got the memorable quote I was hoping for. Perhaps I’ve got a lot of material to squeeze in but no clear path through it. Or perhaps what I’ve collected is just a bit underwhelming. So when an intro doesn’t come easily, it sometimes means you just aren’t quite clear about what story you’re telling.

Some tips on writing an intro

So what makes a good intro?

What we’re aiming for is a concise, punchy summary of the story that’s being related. As I said in this article, it can help to imagine that you’re telling the tale to a friend in a coffee shop or pub. (Remember those?) What would be the one-line summary if you were pressed for time?

Some ideas about what might make a good intro:

• A vivid but concise summary of an event. Hundreds of staff assembled for the opening of a ￡10million engineering factory. Or A group of company bosses from across Hampshire went to Downing Street to demand action on business rates.
• A strong opinion, perhaps with a memorable word or phrase from a quote. An aerospace boss has warned that the sector will be “on its knees” without a government bailout. Or New customs rules are “ridiculous and unworkable”, a business leader says. (Just make sure that there is a fuller quote further down the story containing those same words.)
• A striking statistic. More than half Dorset's small business leaders fear their firms might not survive another lockdown, research has found. Or Businesses in Hampshire have borrowed more than ￡1bn to survive the coronavirus crisis.
• A people angle. Something that connects with readers as workers, families, home buyers, renters, drivers, coffee lovers... More than 800 jobs could be created if a new industrial estate is given the go-ahead, it is claimed. Or Young people could face years without a home of their own unless more housing developments are approved.
• A compelling personal story. A new craft shop has opened in Wimborne is okay, but  A City banker quit her six-figure job to pursue her dream of opening a craft shop is better.  

Some general tips:

Leave the names, places, dates etc for further down the story. Unless there’s a famous name there, you don’t need those details just yet.

And keep it as simple as possible. Take a minute to look at some tabloid papers. Whatever else you think of them, they don’t waste words. See whether you can trim some redundant words.

Even if it's good, it may be changed

The first purpose of a press release is to sell a story to the journalist - the pesky individual who stands between you and a wider readership.

Like all the other elements of your press release, your intro may be used as it is - or, more often, it might be changed. The journalist might think they can improve on it. They might decide its content needs framing as a claim rather than a fact. They might think the story needs another point of view included. Or they might just tinker out of professional pride, rather than be a conduit for someone else's unedited message.

All this comes with the territory. But grab the journalist's attention in 25 words and you're on the way to exposure.