25 Lessons From 2021

2021 kind of feels like it came and went in a flash, but it was another year of constant change. A year where we danced with lockdowns, new COVID variants and tried to keep a semblance of normality within it all.?

It was full of ups and (lock)downs ?? but despite the things that haven’t quite gone to plan this year, there have been plenty of positives and great moments to be remembered.

Looking back on last year I was in a very different place to where I am today, so today I’m sharing 25 mini lessons from 2021.

Lesson 1: Be about you first.

It’s really about putting your focus on you, your loved ones, and your health and wellbeing as a priority.

In terms of your health and wellbeing we’re talking about your physical health AND your mental health. Making sure that you give yourself what you need when you need it rather than putting everyone else first all the time, prioritise yourself and your family over work and what you feel that you should be doing.

Inspired Action: In 2022, make sure that you keep making yourself a priority and you stay focused on your own health, wellbeing and peace of mind.

Lesson 2: Don't underestimate the basics.

When I work with client’s part of what we do is create their own Maslow's hierarchy of needs.

In case you don’t know, Maslow’s hierarchy of needs is five different levels in a triangle, with the most foundational human needs that we all have at the bottom.

It’s all about the very basic stuff…and it’s important you don't underestimate those foundations! This involves things like sleeping, eating, and living your life in a way that feels good to you.

Once my clients know their own hierarchy of needs, when they're not feeling great they can look and see which needs they're not meeting.

Inspired Action: Create your own Hierarchy of Needs… and live by it!

Lesson 3: Focus on what matters most.

Set boundaries and say no based on what matters most to you. Where does it feel good to spend your time? Where does it not feel so good?

Keep those things that matter a focus, make sure you're honouring them in your diary and making them an absolute priority.

Inspired Action: Take some time to understand what matters to you most now and in the future. Whether that's the people that you love, your career, a qualification… whatever it is, create your diary around that.

Lesson 4: There is no normal.

This is a reminder that in terms of the phrase ‘let's get back to normal’… there is no normal. What is your normal is not someone else's normal!

Inspired Action: Focus on what you need in each moment and what feels good to you, but don’t be comparing and looking around. Get back to whatever normal means for YOU.

Lesson 5: When you say yes to you, you will end up saying no to others.

This is for the people pleasers out there, no judgement – I’m one myself. And that's absolutely OK.

I’ve learned this lesson the hard way a few times this year. I'm not always great at saying what I need or how I feel, so I've tuned into that more and more because I don't have the energy or time anymore to please everyone.

So for the people pleasers saying yes to you might mean a no to others, but you're saying no to that thing in that moment. It's not about saying no to that person forever.

Inspired Action: Come back to what a yes is for you and really identify those things that are a big excited, fizzy hearted, YES… and make sure to do more of them this year!

Lesson 6: Have a plan, but let it flex.

This is where a term that I've used a lot with clients this year comes up again and again… flexible discernment. Discernment is that ability to choose and know what is right for us. Be discerning with our time, energy and expertise.

Think there's a finite amount of all of those… where do you most want to spend them? But be flexible in that discernment.

For example, if you were wanting to spend some time each morning focused on yourself, some days you'll feel energised and want to go out for a walk or do a fitness session. Other mornings it might mean that you have a lie in and you have some extra time in bed… and that’s OK!

Inspired Action: Remember to just think, what do I need at this moment? What's going to feel good for me today?

Lesson 7: Focusing on changing your language.

I’m guilty of it myself sometimes, using those phrases like ‘I need to do this’, ‘I have to’, ‘I should’, or ‘I could’.

Instead think about what you get to do and use that more positive frame of reference.

So for example, for me, I get to share my voice on social media and on my blogs. It's not a ‘need’, ‘have’ or ‘should’, it’s an opportunity.

Inspired Action: Remind yourself that you get to choose every day what's important to you and what you do.

Lesson 8: All or nothing is not the way.

I, and many of my clients, have learned this year that all or nothing is not the way.

So many of the women that I work with are women at the very top of their organisations and industries and are in a brilliant position to be able to influence and role model to others. But part of how they've got there is by going all in and giving everything that they have.

But all or nothing is not the way because when you go all in, you give all of yourself, your energy, and your time. You can't keep on at that pace.

Inspired Action: Identify those parts of your life where you could slow down a bit. You don’t need to give your ALL at ALL times!

Lesson 9: Don’t underestimate the power of small steps.

This is all about remembering that small, consistent steps create momentum that in turn creates real trust in yourself.

By moving towards your goals, even in the smallest way, you build momentum. This momentum becomes the foundations to bigger progress – and so on.

Inspired Action: Don't underestimate those small steps and trust that they’re showing you are on the right path.

Lesson 10: You will never feel enough doing more.

If you don't feel enough at times, suffer from imposter syndrome, or feel like ‘who am I to do this?’ doing more in that search to feel enough will not help.

Feeling enough comes from you… it comes from knowing yourself and truly understanding who YOU are and what YOU want… not from overgiving.

Inspired Action: Schedule regular time in your diary to spend on things for yourself and come back home to YOU.?

Lesson 11: Be led by the internal rather than the external.

Rather than spending your time comparing, beating yourself up or judging other people for where they are and what they're doing, take that energy and time and focus it back to you.

Be led by the internal instead of the external.

For example, rather than worrying about what's outside of your control, look and spend that energy instead at what you can control and try upgrading your beliefs.

Inspired Action: Look at your belief framework… where does it come from? Whose voice is it? Then upgrade that belief because, most of the time, your beliefs are created when you're a child. Start flipping around how you spend your time and your energy.

Lesson 12: Know your values.

Rather than knowing yourself for the different roles in your life, your job title, being a partner, or being a mum, this is about knowing WHO you are.

Once you identify these, you can take steps towards becoming more aligned with those in your daily life.

Inspired Action: What’s your heartbeat, those values you live by? If you’re not sure, grab a piece of paper and write down what’s most important to you… narrow it down to 5 or 6 values and think about how your life aligns with them.

Lesson 13: Keep your eyes ahead.

This kind of relates to that idea of staying in your lane. It’s all about keeping your eyes on your road ahead and keeping the blinkers on so you’re not distracted by what others are doing around you.

When you start to compare, it can be hard to stop. Comparing leads to despair as you’re judging yourself against a framework that's completely outside of your own.

Inspired Action: Instead of comparing, think about the chapter of your life that you are in… what does that mean for you at this point in time?

Lesson 14: Live more in the moment.

To help my clients to live more in the moment, we use a technique called time travel.

Think of it like this… from a brain perspective there are 3 modes of time: past, now, and future.

1.? ? If you’re living in the past, you often ruminate or beat yourself up over something you didn't do or didn't do as well as you wanted.

2.? ? If living in the future, you’re often feeling worried and anxious about what’s happening next.

3.? ? Or you can be in the now and enjoying the moment.

To bring yourself from the past, it’s about reframing what's happened and if you're worried about the future, all you can do is come back to the moment and lay the right foundations for that future.

Inspired Action: Be conscious of when you’re dipping back into the past or fast-forwarding to the future, then take the necessary steps to help you feel more grounded in the here and now e.g. meditation, tapping, slowing down, spending time with loved ones or going out for a walk and connecting with nature.

Lesson 15: It’s okay to change your mind.

Just because something suited you once or was your dream at a certain point doesn't mean it needs to be that way forever.

Whether it be a promise that you've made to someone or a role that you took on that is now slightly different… remember, it's okay to change your mind.

Inspired Action: Honour yourself and your intuition… you're safe and you're okay to do it. You have permission to make a change and to say ‘no, that's not for me anymore!’

Lesson 16: Create your environment.

This has been a big lesson for me this year as I moved around so much.

Despite two house moves, I always honoured myself with creating an office environment that I love. I would set it up for me… with my bookcase in order, images on the wall, my vision board displayed, and all those other things that create a consistent environment of control for me.

From a brain perspective, having that consistency leads to me being calmer, feeling more content in the moment, really focused and able to work despite all the change that's going on around me.

So by creating your environment you have all the ingredients to feel the same.?

Inspired Action: Think about what you need… What makes up your perfect environment?

Lesson 17: Bold and brave honesty.

This starts with being brave and honest with yourself.

A model that I use with my clients is the five levels of truth telling from Neale Donald Walsch’s book ‘Conversations with God’. It's a great way of reminding yourself where you might not be being honest with yourself, and those places where you are lying to yourself or feeling scared of facing the truth.

The five levels of truth are:

1.? ? Telling the truth to yourself about yourself.

2.? ? Tell the truth to yourself about another

3.? ? Tell the truth about yourself to another

4.? ? Telling the truth about another to that other

5.? ? Telling the truth to everyone about everything

Inspired Action: Go through these five stages and reflect on where you’re not being honest and start to create a level of awareness so that you can start to make shifts and changes.

Lesson 18: Empathy and vulnerability are part of the new way to lead.

More traditionally seen as softer skills and usually aligned to female leaders and women at the top, empathy and vulnerability are now being rebadged as power skills.

They are being recognised as key aspects in the new way of leading and the change that is needed at the very top of organisations to create equality and parity.

It's not about telling everyone everything, but it's just about being open, honest, sharing, and vulnerable.

Inspired Action: As a leader, it’s up to you to role model these traits. Have that empathy for others and for yourself, think about how you could be more honest with your team and increase that level of vulnerability.

Lesson 19: Forgive and be kind.

In a year where we had people like Caroline Flack who chose that they didn't want to be in this world any longer, that life was too difficult and too challenging… we all could use remembering to forgive ourselves and to be a little bit kinder.

I know at times I've been incredibly hard on myself, but over time I’ve learnt to forgive myself. Now I'm being kind to myself when I need to rest or slow down and giving myself what I need, when I need it.

Inspired Action: Remember, kindness doesn't cost anything, and it doesn't take any time to be kind to yourself and the people around you.

Lesson 20: Lead from within.

A change is coming in the corporate world and there’s a new way to lead that’s all about leading from within as who you truly are.

It's going to be women who will change the world and drive equality and parity across organisations, supported by allies throughout their organisations.

Inspired Action: As a female leader, the duty falls partly to you… what can you do to support the cause?

Lesson 21: Always be learning.

I have been a coach for a long time now, but I finished my ICF qualification this year and I just learned so much. I’ve become such a more powerful coach, even though my clients have always achieved amazing results, now, it's a different level.

I'll always be a lifelong learner and feel incredibly excited and grateful for opportunities to continue to do that.

Inspired Action: Think about your own learning… Are there any opportunities you can take to help keep you always learning and stepping forward?

Lesson 22: You’re not alone.

For my group programmes, one of the biggest things the women takeaway is that they are not alone.

Even on the days you feel like you’re alone, you’re not the only one to feel how you feel.

Inspired Action: If you ever feel like this, reach out… to friends, a mentor, or a coach like me and just understand that they know how you're feeling. It's your journey and your story, but you're definitely not alone in feeling a certain way.

Lesson 23: Focus on what you're in control of and let go of what you're not.

There’s a great model from Adam Grant called ‘The Model of Control’.

It has three different circles, layered on top of each other…

1.? ? The circle at the heart is what you're in control of.

2.? ? The second circle is what you can influence.

3.? ? The final circle is what is outside of your control.

If you think about all the change we've had this year, a lot has been outside of your control, so it's okay to worry a bit and then let that go.

Inspired Action: Think about where you want your time and energy to be, where do you want to spend it?

Lesson 24: People tend to overestimate.

We tend to overestimate what we can do in a day, week, or shorter timeframes, but often we underestimate the change that we can drive in a year.

If I look back at the beginning of my year to now, the change is huge and not a single thing in my life is the same, and I’m incredibly proud of what I’ve achieved as a whole. Yet I know that I frequently overestimate what I can do in a day and then feel disappointed when I don’t achieve it.

Inspired Action: readjust those expectations and know that if you're consistent with your daily actions and those things that are important to you, in the long term you will drive huge change.

Lesson 25: Remind yourself of who you are.

Remind yourself that:

You are strong.

You are incredibly resilient.

You are powerful.

You have influence.

You have a voice.

You are here to drive positive change in the world.

Don't forget that. And keep reminding yourself of that!

Inspired Action: If it helps use affirmations. I have an exercise that my clients do, which is write down all their wins and, on the days they have a wobble they can read back how amazing they are!

And those are my 25 lessons for 2021, the future may still look murky but I have a feeling 2022 is going to be a great year, and I can’t wait to see what it holds!

If you’ve found this useful, I’d love you to share and I'd love to know which lessons resonate with you. Message me here to let me know.

I have created space for 5 women in senior roles who want to append the first 4 weeks of 2022 getting clear, confident and fired up ready to make some serious changes in their organisation. So click here to book a call NOW if you want to lock in your January self-development.

…And here’s my Overwhelm to On Fire: The 5 Minute Head Clearing Checklist for Women in the Corporate World: just click here to download your FREE copy!

Big love

Nic x

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