#25 Friendships, Work, and the Wheel of Life: A Journey Towards Connection
Merve Kagitci Hokamp
Executive & Business Coach I Ex-Google I INSEAD MBA I Ex-Consultant I Business Advisor I Selected Top Coach in Ireland 2024
I am spending most of the summer in Turkey again this year. We just arrived a couple of days ago, and it feels great to be back. Yesterday, I enjoyed a glass of wine with an old friend while watching the quarter-final game between Turkey and the Netherlands. The match started with promise and excitement but ended in disappointment for Turkey. Despite the game's outcome, the combination of my long-time friendship, the familiar summer breeze of my hometown, and the wine made for a nostalgic evening. We reminisced about the old days, friendships, and connections. This conversation reminded me of Gabrielle Zevin's novel "Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow," which explores the profound impact of human connections, the enduring importance of friendships, and the powerful bonds that shape our lives. My friend had also read it and we found ourselves chatting about how our relationships define us, how they evolve over time, and how they might sustain us through the ups and downs of life. Although we were mostly aligned, the question of working with our friends (e.g. building business partnerships, etc.) or being friends with people we work with or work for turned into the most heated parts of the conversation.?
A moment of reflection…
I encourage my coachees to deeply explore their values and have conversations with me about what truly matters to them. Recently, a new coachee—a determined and mission-driven woman whom I greatly admire—shared an insightful moment with me after our second session. While she thought the tactical work we were doing was good stuff, she found the most significant breakthroughs came when I asked her to reflect on what she values in her life, career, and professional relationships. She confessed she had never taken the time to ask herself these questions before, and it was this introspection that led to her most profound 'aha moments.'
In my effort to lead by example and practice what I preach, I try to regularly block out time for self-reflection, focusing on what I truly want and what I find important. Of course, life often takes over, and I find myself on auto-pilot. As someone with an action-first personality (which you undoubtedly know if you’ve read my content or know me personally), it’s easy to let this practice slip.
However, the other evening, after we discussed what truly matters with my friend, I took a moment to jot down some self-reflection notes for myself. One big reflection is how vital it is for me to make time for my family and invest in friendships that make me feel at home and inspire me. And honestly, it’s not even just my personal life. One of the reasons why I love having my own business is because I work with people I believe in, find inspirational, and enjoy being around.
There is so much we can learn from yoga…
In yoga, there’s a beautiful concept called "kula" – a community of the heart. This notion emphasizes the importance of gathering with others who share our values and intentions, providing mutual support and a deep sense of belonging. I've witnessed the profound impact that strong social bonds and friendships can have on both personal fulfillment and professional success.
Think back to your high school years. The friendships I formed during that time were intense and seemingly unbreakable. We shared our dreams, navigated teenager challenges together, and built a foundation of trust. However, as we grow older, these relationships naturally evolve. Some remain steadfast, others fade, which I find to be unfortunate, but also new connections emerge.
Meaningful connections demand time, effort, and genuine care. It’s about showing up, being present, and investing in each other's growth and well-being. In an era where digital interactions often overshadow face-to-face connections, prioritizing deep, authentic relationships is essential. Studies increasingly show that, especially in the Western world, we are becoming more isolated because we are time-poor, yet humans are inherently social animals. Our well-being, happiness, and even our health are deeply intertwined with the quality of our relationships. Yes, building and nurturing these connections requires intentionality, time, and commitment, but the rewards—greater resilience, a sense of belonging, and a supportive community—are invaluable.
The Wheel of Life
Life, as I see it, is a combination of elements that are important to you: your family, your work, your relationships with friends – essentially, your Wheel of Life (Call me a romantic but I advocate for a Wheel of Life which includes work because work is part of your life, as opposed to a Work-Life Separation). Creating a sense of belonging and connections in all areas of your life (not just between your life and work) is crucial for a balanced and fulfilling life.
领英推荐
I’m a big fan of work socializing. Now, I appreciate this can be controversial. Some people, understandably, prefer to spend their time outside work with their families rather than at after-work team dinners, corporate parties, or playing ping pong in the office. They would rather receive great family benefits than have a slide in the office. This could be a whole article on its own, but I believe that if you get the fundamentals right—knowing your people and their preferences, ensuring psychological safety, and not overdoing it—adding a bit of fun and a personal element to work can be incredibly powerful for the people and the business.
For example, one of my clients takes her team of five women out for a spa day where they get manicures, do cold plunges, and enjoy some rest time. Another client hosts optional beach Fridays where the entire company goes to the beach—some surf, some chat, some leave early to go home. The same client also organizes a yearly offsite to a cool destination, often including an adventurous activity in line with the company’s values. It’s fun, uplifting, and fosters bonding.
I also know people who work for themselves and don’t have a workforce to take out, so they build their own kula among clients and customers. Oh, and time for a shameless plug here: If you’d like to join our awesome community, pop your info here and get involved with the cool, fun, supportive, and hardworking Leadrise Community!
Concluding Thoughts
The principle of kula reminds us that we thrive when we are part of a supportive and nurturing community. Whether in our personal circles or professional networks, meaningful connections enhance our well-being, boost our resilience, and drive our success. By doing so, we create environments where we and those around us can truly find connection. I know it’s something I truly value and live by, and thanks to my recent late evening conversation with my friend as well as my amazing clients who always remind me of the value of connection, I will continue to invest in enriching and broadening my own kula.
Hi! I'm Merve. ?? I help corporate leaders and business owners build high-performing teams, grow their businesses, and advance their careers.
Here are five ways you can connect with me: